Go Natalie, it's your birthday, it's your birthday.

I'm going through a bit of stuff at the moment, so this is just a quick post in the meantime to say ...

YAY NAT!

I think we made the right choice. What do you reckon? Was it really the upset that people are making it out to be, or was this inevitable, given Matt's noticeable decline in the latter month or so of the competition? Her experience on Idol has been peppered with some bad performances/outfits/song choices, but otherwise I think she's been the most consistent and versatile of the two. So what do you reckon?

-- UPDATE --

Gee, thanks for the plethora of comments, jackasses. I know I didn't put much effort into this post, but you guys are so mean.

This put me in good spirits though: The Obligatory Word From My Favourite Fug Girls. I love how they don't ignore the world of pop culture outside of America, don't you?

The Long Way Round - boys on bikes

Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “Doesn’t gigglewick watch anything except documentaries? And what the hell happened to her promises to post about The Abbey?”*

Anyway, I don’t like motorbikes that much. My dad had a bad motorcycle accident (hit a poddy calf) when I was about eight and I’ve not really liked them since. Mr Fix also had a train rip the numberplate off the back of his motorbike once. I’m not of the belief that they’re generally good things, although I know there are those who disagree.

However, I was quite intrigued by the idea of The Long Way Round, which may have been partially influenced by a re-watching of the Phantom Menace recently. Or possibly my unwillingness to get off the couch post-Top Gear.

The Long Way Round is a documentary about Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman’s motorcycle trip to, as Split Enz termed it, circumnavigate the globe. Each of them have a handicam, mic-ed up helmets and a third rider, Paolo, is their official cameraman.

The home-movie tone is surprisingly effective and doesn’t grate too much, which is surprising considering how much “grainy realism” we’ve come to expect from reality TV.

As interesting as the landscape they are covering is the insight into the human condition. While both agreed at the outset that it was a dream to undertake this trip, they are nevertheless refreshingly honest about how they are feeling. In this week’s episode, there is a deconstruction of Ewan McGregor’s mental state by both McGregor and Boorman, and it’s clear that they have the kind of relationship where complete honesty is the order of the day. I can’t imagine Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie having similar conversations.

Verdict: This is available on DVD and would make an excellent alternative to whatever dross they program over summer. In fact, the ABC online shop assures me there’s a new series coming soon – Scotland to the bottom tip of Africa.


* Simple answer to this one: I was too tired to commit to entire episodes. I could do an “impressions” post, but it wouldn’t be particularly rigorous.

Dorothy Dixer

So, what am to do with myself now that SYTYCD has finished?

I'm certainly not going to be watching America's 20 most fuggliest women, or whatever paltry offering Ten is giving us tonight...

So. Suggestions?

I finally caught up with Life last night, and thought it was wonderful...

Australian Idol: Mattalie

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the official Idol winner's song is the worst song ever written. Actually, scratch "out on a limb" and replace it instead with "and say something glaringly obvious". That song.... Matt was totally right in calling it crap. He didn't say it in so many words, being polite and non-threatening and all those things that we all love him for, but we all agree with him anyway. I love the veiled sarcasm inherent in this statement:

"It was written by a woman in America. Apparently, she's a very established writer. She's written stuff for the Backstreet Boys and Nick Lachey, so that sort of explains it straight away and what it's like."

Also, while I'm bitching: Shut up Dicko. Shouldn't you be grovelling? It's so unfair to call Nat and Matt boring. Idol packages them and puts them in pigeon holes so square you'd be struggling to find mathematicians who could recreate the perfect ninety degree angles of said pigeon holes.

And what? Past year's Idol finalists were so interesting?



Cough, and double cough.

Anyway, I quite enjoyed tonight's episode. I can't exactly put my finger on what I loved about it. Oh, wait, yes I can, it was the bit that showed Matt's earlier years, busking away and singing in choirs and going on an eighteen month tour around Australia at the age of fourteen. Jesus. I also learned tonight that Matt does indeed have parents, they've just been a bit camera shy or whatever all year. Frankly I would have been happier just to believe that he burst forth from a magical tree in some enchanted forest somewhere to bring happy tunes and funny dresses disguised as shirts to the world. Interesting to note that he's always had those really defined eyebrows and the "sluggish" lips, as Chesty calls them.

Natalie's video package bizzo was also pretty revealing. (Hm... package.... revealing.... I'm getting so depraved in my old age, huh). She was in a few of those funny ABC-Kids shows in the nineties, and she actually funded her own album and went to America or something. Pity nothing came of it, which I guess led her to Australian Idol. I suppose it IS kind of tacky to actually pay to release your own album (just like it's tacky for a model to pay a fashion label to feature them in a show).

The performances of the Idol winner's song were both pretty crap, but I think I liked Nat's version just a wee bit better. That's not saying much by the way. That song..... it's not even good in an ironic sense. What's with the title? I know it's an Idol institution to have a lame song with a lame title, incorporating souls, angels, listening with one's heart (as if that were physiologically possible, song writers), going on a journey and having the night of one's life. 'Here I Am' is a lame title, so ... I guess it compliments the tuneless and utterly forgettable song poifectly.

The other performances were a drag, really. I never even HEARD of "High and Dry" and "Running Up That Hill".

Timbaland? Wolfmother? Bleh.

So, that's it, until the Opera House finale next week - which I always enjoy. Who will win? I'm happy with either of them for the win, frankly. Last year (and, in fact, every year) I've hated one of the finalists and loved the other, but this year I'm not displeased that it's Matt and Nat. It's kind of like this year's Big Brother if you think about it. It was a crap year for Big Brother, but the final two were actually decent, I remarked at the time that I wouldn't have minded which one of them took it out and I guess the feeling is much the same with Idol 2007.

Obviously though my favourite to win is Matt Corby (der, whose isn't?) but I wouldn't totally disregard the possibility of an upset. Which wouldn't be all that bad for either contestant, as Matt seems to have gone off Idol in the last few months, and it would be great to see him build a career on his own merits.

But seriously, if you're going to vote, vote for Matt.

PS. Goddam that song was shit.

Uggghh, totally.

So You Think You Can Really Handle the Suspense?

The Final Final

Woohooooo!!!

We're finally there! We're at the Finarle at last... we get to see who was crowned America's Favourite Dancer, all those many moons ago...

And to celebrate this auspicious occasion, Cat has decided to befuddle us completely with her choice of outfit. Maybe she subconsciously knew that we'd be viewing it in Australia in the lead-up to Christmas, and decided to give us a shout-out by dressing as the fairy with a Christmas Tree up her bum... Maybe... But somehow I don't think so. What I do know is that the Fug Girls were particularly unimpressed with her at the time. At least the random blue flower in her hair is cute. Kinda.

Anyways... Our Top 20 are back, and they're all gorgeous in white. Maybe they're little snow-flakes, continuing with our Chrissy theme here, again, I don't know. But again, I'm distracted by the supreme pouty bitch-face that Jessi managed to summon for her close-up! Man, that girl has attitude problems - just because we weren't as taken by her talents involving baby oil, she's gone all sulky school girl on us. Do you reckon it's because she had her Pasha taken away from her? I guess I'd be pretty dirty about that too.

Cat gurgles that all her babies are back... bless!

But then she ruins it all by assuring us that, jam-packed though the show is, there will be no padding whatsoever.

*cough*BULLSHIT*cough*

Tonight there is a massive judging panel, and they're all colour-coordinated too. They are asked to sum up the season in one sentence. They show that, while awesomely talented dancers, their basic maths skillz leave a lot to be desired...

MiaM reckons this was her fave season so far. With the strongest dancers, displaying the best personality and work ethics.

Shane believes that this season will have changed the mind of a lot of dancers 'out there' , inspiring them even... So basically saying that all those snobby dancers who reckon that, yes they can dance, and whoever doubts it can go get knotted, will be suddenly thinking that the chance at $250K plus an internationally broadcast showcase of their talents is not such a bad thing after all...

Wade gets all serious, thinking that 'one sentence' means 'many sentences using only one adjective', declaring that the talent level was amazing, attitude amazing, everything amazing...

Dan shows he's the only one who can count stating that this season was ridiculous. In a good way obvs.

Mary thought it was ridiculous and dynamic...

while Nigel declared Paula Abdul to be a loose end that needs tying up. As are some random contestant from S2, Maddy, and her uuurrrgly baby. Weird.

Moving on to our first batch of Highlights (NB - NOT filler or padding)

Lots of lovely cityscapes and then the same damn audition shots we've seen over and over, along with bits'n'bobs from the entire season. Look you've watched it, I've watched it, there's no need for me to recap what is basically a recap is there??

The Top 20 come back on to do their Tyce DiOrio Lion King dance. I'm as underwhelmed as I was the first time I saw it, although I am impressed with Danny's pony tail and pouffy 1980s fringe.

So, basically, each of the judges gets to choose their favourite routine from the series and we get to see it again. That's nice. But I suspect our Final 4 are going to be pretty buggered by the end of the show!

Mary's fave moment from the show was seeing Cedric when he danced the first time. Because he touched and moved her.... ewwww.... But the best number was Pasha and Lauren's Skeletor hip hop. Which we get to see again, and again I'm blown away by Pasha's adaptability, though concerned for the health of his crotch as it gets bounced on by Lauren. Which also sounds dirty, but really really isn't.
Cat talks about how they were voted off during the 'lockdown' show, so demands that the entire audience gets to their feet to give them the send-off they deserved, which is quite quite lovely. They look touched and moved too. It's a touchy-feely show this one.

Lucky us, we get more auditions footage, showing all the different types of dance styles that were featured - Contemporary krumping, Irish dancing, roller skating, belly dancing, Indian Fusion... none of which got past the audition stage thankfully... but it leads into a special performance by Brandon Norris, the dentally-challenged clogger from Atlanta.

He's like a tap dancer on crack, but with some cute little self-conscious hip hop moves thrown in. He really is very good, but still has crappy teeth. Hopefully some Dental Academy out there will give him a scholarship a la Cedric.

Nigel's favourite routine is one that he didn't seem overly fond of when it was performed. But now he reckons that it best demonstrated the best synchronicity between dancers and choreographers - it's Wade's Hummingbird routine for Hok and Jaimie.

It's as good as ever, although I feel that maybe they didn't hit it as hard as their first performance. It is beautiful though, and when Cat asks what the reaction 'on the street' has been, Hok responds that people have been coming up to him saying that they were touched by it. And he's all about the power of dance touching people. awww..

I think there's going to be an awful lot of aww moments tonight.

Jean-Marc Genereaux is up next with his fave, and surprisingly it's Dom & Sabra's hip-hop. Because of the connection and the this and the that, but mainly for the great story. It is very good, and they seem to be having a great time, even sharing a little giggle half way through. I'm really struck by how versatile Sabra is. Again. There's no Not Hitting it with her, ever.
Dom gives her big cuddles and kisses and says that it has been a blessing to have been part of Sabra's SYTYCD journey.... awwww... heart-melty.

Guest Judge Adam Shankman's fave routine was Sara and Neil's disco number. He likes it because it was Sara's Cinderella moment - he'd never seen her more beautiful. Hmmm.... Can I point out that this is probably one of Sara's least flattering outfits, and then make an observation about Adam's lack of insight and speculate as to why that may be...

No? okay then...

Adam also gives the routine props for 'validating disco as a form of dance'.

Man, I love wank-dance-speak!

It is an awesome routine, lots of acrobatics from Neil, an amazing drop and twirly thing from Sara, hideous costuming... what more could a girl want?

Next filler, padding, sorry, 'highlights' montage is all about the breaking. And the krumping. And the WTF-ing... And this random quote from Shane that makes me sorry for my NOT missspent youth - "Ain't nothin sexier than when a girl can pop". For filler, it's pretty funky, and it gives me a little more Hok love, so I'm happy. It also presents a nice segue into showcasing Brian Gaynor - the guy with muscular dystrophy who took the robot dance and made it his own...

Brain looks a little worried as he walks out, but gets into it with a cute little grin. Something tells me that it is even harder for him this time, and I'm concerned his disease may be worsening. Did anyone else notice this?

Anyway, he gets a standing ovation from the judges, and then Shane gets put on the spot about the movie offer that he made, so it's all good.

And can I just say at this point how much I love Cat Deeley. Her affection for the dancers, her enthusiasm for the show, how much she just cares and enjoys herself... It's infectious - it's a real tonic, a real joy, and I'm going to miss her. I think Natalie Bassingthwaite is going to have a hard job filling those towering stilettos for the Aussie gig.

The Top 8 do the Shane Sparks Matrix-y routine. It's all very very serious.

Very.

So my mind starts to wander, and man, the costuming budget for this show must be massive. But props to the costumers. And the make-up artists. And the make-up removers. They've done a bang-up job this season and I'm impressed. Thank You Mr Murdoch!

Wade's fave routine was the Samba that Dimitri choreo'd for Lacey and Danny, or 'Dancey' as they were dubbed. And I'm glad about this, as I never saw the original due to 'technical problems' . Wade loved it for the musicality and the hottness. Well, duh.

It's very very hot. I am very very impressed. And I love that Danny seems to be channeling Dimitri - it makes me most nostalgic for Dimitri's dancing. I think it's all in the arms.
I'm also loving the way that Danny is enjoying himself so much now - he's smiling in all the dances, just getting into them, not worried about technique or whatever... it must be quite liberating for him.

And now, seeing as two of the finalists are on the stage, Cat decides it's time for an elimination... Straight away Lacey thinks it's her...

Lacey's right.

She gets a lovely farewell package, with lots of shots of her pulling faces even when she's been told Not To... But the poor girl is stuck with a very odd father, so maybe that goes some way to explaining things. I mean, nothing says 'I love you' like a 3 foot long flashing neon sign.

Urgh - our super-special 'musical item' is Nicole-from-the-PussyCat-Dolls. She's in a box, and I just wish she'd stay there. Hee! She rhymed scenario with radio... Which is all I notice before I'm overcome with befuddlement over the inexplicable wind storm that appears to have descended on the stage. And also hatred for her boots. I do give her props for managing to choreograph the bodice hoist into the dance before she has a wardrobe malfunction though...

Shane's fave routine was the Benji's West Coast swing for Sara and Pasha. I agree. It was one of my favourites too, so I'm stoked to get to watch it again. Especially as I didn't notice just how low cut the feral pant-suit is that Sara is wearing the first time around... That thing must chafe something shocking.
Sara describes Benji as rough, tough and dangerous... which is seriously one of the cutest/funniest things I've heard on this show...

Tyce gets to pick his fave next, and I'm actually surprised that he picks Danny & Anya's jive from the first week as one of his highlights. He then decides he wants to see another of their routines - the foxtrot - again. He's so sweet. He says it's such a great routine, purely Hollywood and Ballroom, and I kinda like that this OTT jazz choreographer is a sucker for old style dancing.

The foxtrot, complete with fascinator, is really good. And they both look so damn happy to be dancing it again. It's lighter and brighter and even better than the first time around.

Tony Meredith gets to choose next, and he's a fan of Wade's Vagabond Symphony thing. Sara and Jesus hobo it up again, and I'm starting to pity poor Sara as she's done what? four dances at least tonight... It was nice to see this routine again, as these guys had great chemistry.

MiaM's fave moment was the last bit of Neil and Sabra's Pase Doble - when Sabra got dropped like a donut over Neil's shoulders, and fell to the floor. We get an excellent slo-mo shot from a different camera angle of Sabra with her teeth gritted as she drops, and Mary and Debbi Allen aghast in the background...

She chooses another Neil and Sabra piece to be performed though - the Table one from last week, and again I'm struck by the fact that they just seem to be off, like half a beat... And I don't blame them one little bit - they've been dancing their little dancey hearts out for the last however many weeks, and they must be completely out of reserves.

I guess that's why, as we come to the next elimination there's no messing about... it's Neil. And he seemed to know it before the envelope's even opened. There's no tears from him! But by Crikey the lad did lots of jumping about didn't he?

*Insert bizarre filler of 'cat' and 'nigel' dancing that isn't going to be dignified with a recap...*

Holy Moly... how much not-filler are we going to get tonight? Now it's the turn of Ryan Capybara to sing live the 'goodbye' track 'I will remember you' that you will remember from various 'goodbye' montages throughout the entire season. To celebrate this we get more goodbye shots and lots of hugging(I originally typed this as huffing, which also kinda fits actually) and kissing. Miss M would be impressed as she's totally into the trilby right now. Thankfully she's less into velvet-jacketed, guitar-playing emos... I guess this is all to come.

We do get a bonus gorgeous shot of Kameron in profile with a tear rolling down his cheek, which is totally special and makes me like him for the first time all season.

IS THIS NOT FINISHED YET???

Far Out!

Oh. Only one more dance routine left - Dan's fave, the MiaM's flower piece.

*yawn*

oh dear... am I allowed to say that I really didn't like that. It's another one that I didn't catch due to the ubiquitous 'technical difficulties', and I'm kinda glad, as I don't think it would have been a popular opinion.

Finally we're at the Actual Final elimination... Sabra's wearing her bizarre red velvet bondage outfit. Danny is in his favourite white wife-beater and dress pants. What ... interesting wardrobe choices.

And the winner is... for that one person who didn't already know, that one person who manged to keep themselves unspoiled...

Sabra!

and the last aww of the season is reserved for her, coz she deserves it!

So You Think You Like Suspense?

The Not-Quite-Final Final

No Group Dance pre-credits? Well that doesn’t bode well… That means we're up for an unedited Direct From The US type broadcast and well, they're packed with filler. Not necessary filler, like say, a pasa doble (Stupid ChTen), but crappy Fox-type filler... Bugger.

Cat's wearing a gloriously gold version of last week's Jenny Kee dress in honour of the special ocassion, becasue woohoo, This is our Final Four. Get used to hearing that peoples, it's gonna get said A Lot tonight.

Nigel’s all blah blah blah, amazing show, amazing dancers, aren’t we awesome.. how awesome are we? So awesome that we’ve just signed on for another season (woot! squee!)(For reals, I is sad) blah blah blah.

Mary's probably parroting the same thing, but, well I’m distracted by the fact that MrB has noticed that her boobs are squished out the side of her dress. And they are. They are kinda tucked uncomfoatbly under her armpits. Maybe it’s something to do with her being styled by the fabric swather from Spotlight. I am torn at this point, between being concerned for Mary's Mammaries, and worried about MrB's sudden attack of observation skills. Hmmm.

The concern is washed away however when she refers to Nigel as her English muffin. That's just too Ewww for words and I wish much breastal discomfort on her as penance for giving me that horrible horrible image.

Filler Alert! Our Top! Four! auditions montage. You've seen it all, except for the bit where Neil basically turns up completely unprepared after he saw it advertised online. Hee. Well that's dedication for you...

So, our Top! Four! group dance is going to be a Tyce DiOrio Broadway, and Tyce is very happy about it all. He loves Danny's technical excellence, describes Sabra as a master of everything, thinks that Neil is the most evolved and that Lacey is ... most consistent. Well that's damning with faint praise isn't it! Poor Lacey...

They're dancing to a Liza Minelli number from Cabaret – something very Germanic, can't remember what. It's all lace bustiers and suspenders for the girls, Gallic (which doesn't make sense, all things consdiering, but what the heck) stripes and suspenders for the guys… There's lots of high kicks and high jumps. The guys are awesome with their acrobatics and they all end up sprawled on the judges table.

But quick! We need to find out EVEN MORE about our Top 4. Apparently.

Lacey was conned into dancing by her family, because they all danced, so they bribed her with Barbies. She did lots of quitting and starting again, until she quit for good at 17 to go to hair school. Not Law School, Hair School. But when Benji won SYTYCD she was inspired to dance again…
Her low point of the season – forgetting her solo. Cue amusing footage of Lacey obviusly forgetting most of her solo...
Her high point – dancing the samba with Danny. Cue scrumptious footage of samba - ooh la la!

She appears at the back of the stage for her last solo dressed in massive leg warmers with a tin foil dress. It's a little.. distracting. I can't watch the dancing because my brow is so contorted with WTF-ness. But I do see her stages dive backwards into a crowd of by-standers. Luckily they catch her. But then they're left with brows of WTF.

Sabra & Neil are doing Hip Hop with Shane, and it's supposedly all about the sexuality. I wonder if he means sensuality. Unless they're going to sit down and discuss nature-vs-nurture and other fascinating, though not so dancey, issues. Anyway, I don't see the elusive sexuality, but it was good – the bouncey and dragging was good.

Nigel also didn’t see the sexy. Or the funky. He thinks it was fun, but not strong enough. Mary was disappointed. And Dan thought it was TOO bouncey. See? I know nothing.

Danny and Lacey are next up with a Vienese Waltz. We get hit with some more Inappropriate Avril Lavigne, but it kinda-sorta works, as the dance was pretty and quick with no gonad-abuse, thankfully (for Danny). It's floaty and swirly and you know when you daydream about being whisked around a dance-floor with the man of your dreams, this is how it's done. For me anyway...
The judges agree with me, even if no one else does, and then there is some bizarre conversation about droopy wrists and popsicle sticks-in-gloves and Danny totally calls Lacey on making up stories and it's kinda cool. I do like Lacey getting slapped down.

Neil's five minutes on the couch with Cat reveals that he thinks his profession is 'Performer'. I wonder if that's a box he can tick on the Census Form.
His fave moment was Wade's 'angel and devil' jazz piece. His least fave, the salsa.
And apparently he loves the constantly screaming girls - they get him pumped up… hmm. No double entendre there then.

His solo is a bit of same old same old, but with a dash of arrogant smirking. Is it just me or he starting to take on shades of our Beloved Treasurer.

Finally we get to the much-publicised girl-on-girl dance action. 'Cept that it's not, really. Wade has been exploring different female relationships and has choreo'd the girls as a Mother and Baby fox. . And he sensibly uses props - scarves that they have to carry around in their mouths, which instantly shuts them up. He calls them his foxy ladies… hee! He's so cute...

The girls are Japanese styled foxes in kimonos and it's really so very very good. I thoroughly enjoyed it - even loved Lacey in it. I loved the detail, the nuances, the musicality. I think Wade is amazing sometimes, creating these dances that are so intricate, so moving.

Unfortunately Nigel didn’t get it, and so he has nothing to say to critique the dancers. Mary thought it didn’t showcase their talents. Only Dan liked it and thought their attention to detail was great.

Y'know, sometimes I don't get Nigel...

It's Danny time! And we get the old story rehashed - Travis' mum is his dopted mother - blahdy blahdy blah. He discusses the accusations of arrogance and tells how they made him feel misunderstand, made him want to close up more than open up.

And then he gives us his solo which is everything that it always is, times a million. SO very good. He dances around the whole stag in an incredibly powerful display. I'm gobsmacked.

MiaM gets to choreo a contemp routine for Neil & Danny, and thankfully we're not subjected to more cheap inneundo. It's all about 2 princes battling for a throne and it's aggressive and dirty. So maybe a little smut then...

It starts with them angrily spasming in their seperate thrones, moving along to some banging of canes on the floor. Then we get some very snooty clapping from Danny - Ha! In your face Neil! Then there's leaping and fighting and throwing each other around and then Damn. That was too short…

Nigel makes a joke about Princes Wills and Harry and they so don’t get it. Mary is severely over excited. So much so that I think someone may have put something into her drink. She is utterly insane.

Finally, it's all about Sabra - she was born in Netherlands and lived in Germany because her Dad’s in the military. But she adored Wade’s peace piece, thought it was the most outsanding moment. Cue lots of shots of Dom dropping her ON HER HEAD before Dan tells her that he thought Dom was carrying through the early parts of the competition. Well, not literally, obvs...

Her solo was good, but again I get this feeling that we've seen it all before...

What we haven't seen before on the show is a Lindy Hop. Lacey and Neil give it a red hot go, but I don't know... maybe it's because they're exhausted and have run out of steam, or maybe it's because the Lindy Hoppers from the audition part of the show were just so much bouncier and enthusiastic, but I just don't like it. I'd also like to know just how a Lindy Hop is the complete opposite of the West Coast Swing? I personally would have thought the wood-chopping competetion at the Bulli Show was the complete opposite of West Coast Swing, but then I've been wrong about a lot of things dance-wise this season...

Finally Melanie whatsername gets to choreograph her own routine, rather than being referred to as her husband's 'assistant'. She's doing the Cha Cha for Sabra and Danny, and it's way cool. Again, started off a little slow, giving the impression of pure exhaustion, but then they just kicked it into overdrive. Even Cat is amazed... Mary tears strips of them technically, but liked it anyway. Y'all are supposed to have locked knees and ankles don't you know???

The Top Four are back on stage, and they're not the only ones who are tired... But only one week to go nefore we discover who is America, nay THE WORLD'S favourite dancer...

Can you wait?

Eeeep!

Sorry!

This has been the insanest of weeks, we've moved offices, moved cities even, and I've been internet-less for lots of the time.

Other than showin me just how I addicted to this I really am, it's been quite frustrating...

So, I shall do a Mega-Finarle-Extravaganza, with both final recaps smushed together...

And if you're very very lucky it will up before lunch tomorrow.

Australian Idol: The Final Three

My Idol rants have become a combination of lengthy essays on the nuances of the show, bouts of apoplectic vein popping regarding Marty Simpson's persistence in getting through each show against all logic and reason, and the odd post where the overwhelming crapness of this year's Idol have rendered me, inexplicably, at a total loss of inspiration to snark.

So, in the words of James Mathison, we shall take it left foot, right foot, as we make it to the end of this rather prickly year of Idol, wheezing and clasping at our various wounds.

Ahem, now that I'm done waxing lyrical, it's down to the bizz of tonight's Idol, the theme of which is Audience's Choice.

My first thought is: yay! None of the poncy crap that was Swing Night. Let's hope the audience members pick decent songs. I also hope that the audience members are really awkward and end up mincing their words, because there's nothing funnier than watching randoms being put in unfamiliar situations.

Ha, and the first random IS incredibly awkward. Props to Andrew G for subtly making fun of him. Hey - who else reckons that Andy G and James Mathison have gotten kind of snarkier and funnier this year? The one example that comes to mind is G's brilliantly succinct comment to Marty about crashing in the waves or learning to surf. Anyway, the song is Ray of Light by Madonna, and... meep. Any higher and it would be Benji Mac circa 2001. It isn't great, but I've loved Nat for so long that the worst key change of the year didn't seriously phase me. What DOES phase me is that she excuses her crap performance by blaming nerves. BITCH, you've been on the show for months now, nerves are no longer a legitimate excuse for suckage.

Nat's second song, of her own choice, is Pink's Nobody Knows. I ashamedly confess to owning the CD and loving every song on it, so she's already got this one in the bag as far as I'm concerned. Great choice, particularly for her own style. It's not likely to be another 'rehab moment', and it's ballad-ey and strong enough to get the fickle audience to rise up in their seats for her. There's just one arse note in it, but it's a solid effort. Squee, I was just about to mention the shoes when Kyle said the stuff about how they made her legs look like a chicken's. Not to be too unfair to the shoes, the whole outfit is a bit crap. It's like she's singing at her high school talent show and gone for the messed up uniform look rather than bring in a change of clothes.

Carl is the second to perform, his first song tonight is that 'You Give Me Something' song. I guess it's a logical song choice, he can get away with that faux-smoky shit that he does (which we all know is just a weak voice being strained). His photo shoot is sort of funny, because the guy from BMG records says that they've had Harry Connick Jr signed to the label for many years, which begs the question: why do we need another one like him? Even more hilarious, it takes him and the photographers a little while to realise that what's needed to take a good shot is for his trumpet to be in the picture somewhere. It's an excellent metaphor for his entire Idol experience, I think.

Anyway - I much prefer the Carl who wears hoodies and denim to the one who wears fugly cheap suits, I've decided. Just putting that out there for anyone who is interested. The performance itself is tolerable, but what shocks and disturbs are the daggy little moves that he does toward the end of the song. It was lame. How lame? Lame as a room full of cerebral palsy sufferers.

His second song is For Once In My Life. I don't want to dwell on this point for longer than absolutely necessary, but I thought it was really good. I was doing that involuntary head bop thing as I was sitting at the computer watching it. D'oh! Stupid inconsistent brain of mine. I'm not meant to like Carl! Moving on I think.

Ha, before we get onto Matt Corby's performance, I have to give honourable mention to Kyle's hilarious bit about only doing cones. True. Funny and true. See, it's because he does drugs, and it was a play on words? Are you with me? Kyle's funny. Maybe Big Brother won't suck so much next year after all.

Ahem. Yes, Matt Corby. Has anyone else notices that public favour has turned away from Matt in recent weeks? He's obviously still a dead set favourite for the win, but some of the judges' comments have been decidedly more negative than before, which were almost unilaterally positive.

I think it started around the time he went to the ARIAs and spent much of the time being uncomfortable around the big slebs because of the stigma attached to the Idol franchise and its many offspring. I kind of love him for that, because at least he's self aware and has a reasonably realistic and mature attitude toward the Idol thing. Dicko's reassurances by the way, that the traditional routes taken by past musicians are merely an alternative in the age of Youtube and Myspazz, didn't quite assuage Matt's reservations, as well they shouldn't.

But enough of all that.

I'm quite pleased with the song choice, 'Too Late' by Evermore, which allows him the room to do that wailing thing he does so well. The voice is a bit... cartoony? Like, Spongebob? I don't know if that's totally accurate, but I was reminded of cartoon character voices in the first part of the song, but he seems to relax into it a bit. Thank the lord Jesus Christ and his corporate affiliates that he doesn't go all mopey and sad-sack on us afterwards like the last couple of weeks. Maybe it was cause it was Matt's seventeenth birthday (ha, he's younger than Ben McKenzie, wtf!?!?) this week and he's flying through on those happy thoughts.

The second song is the performance of the night, an excellent rendition of the Beatles' 'Across the Universe'. I remember Chanel Cole's performance of it three years ago, and it remains as one of my favourite songs and Idol moments ever. I'm so happy to see that he's done without the superfluous and off-sounding key change that Chanel had to put her chords through, if it's at all possible to make a criticism of it. But basically it's fantastic. If Simon Cowell were a guest judge (which I totally think Australian Idol should have) he'd say that it was his Idol winner's acceptance performance.

What's with Kyle's thing about how 'straight' Matt is? Wording is everything, Kyle.

So, tonight again was a good indication of how I think this year is. Nat and Carl were okay, but Matt, the clear favourite, is miles and miles ahead. I cannot wait for the results tomorrow. I'm thinking Carl will go. But I've been wrong before at this stage in previous years, so I guess we'll see.

G'night, y'all.

The PTA has Disbanded

While we wait for AB's awesome recap of last nights SYTYCD (I peaked at the edit - what? I'm a nosy bint, ok? - and indeed ... there will be brilliance unveiling itself in this very spot sometime in the near future), I'd like to say that I am worried. Worried worried worried.

The Hollywood writers strike is underway. And if it goes on for much longer that could mean all of our favourite scripted (American ... but that's most of the good stuff really, innit?) TV shows go off air and/or into repeats. And if they go off air, they'll more than likely be replaced with even more RTV than we've been exposed to over the past few years and it's all going to be bad.

Don't get me wrong - I'm totally behind the writing folk. They should get paid when their work gets used online, and if there is no money is online streaming/legal downloading, as more than one studio exec has stated, then obviously they shouldn't be too worried about giving the writers a piece of that meatless pie - because 2.5% of nothing is still nothing ... right?

Anyway, I hope it all works itself out soon. Because now that we get all our TV 'streamed direct from the US' we're going to run out of good shit really soon.

And if they take my new House away without telling me what happens to the numbers ... I'm gonna cry!

In the meantime, anyone got any ideas for new Reality TV shows that can fill the hole? I won't steal them, I promise.

Breaking all the Rules

I have finally got a handle on this modern "down-loading" caper.

It was necessitated by MrB stuffing up the recording of 2 eps of SYTYCD (It's been so polite of you not to comment the missing recaps...), and I was pointed in the right direction by a member of the TWoP community who introduced me to TVtorrents.com... I was then led by the hand over the final hurdles by the delightful KillerRabbit (who has the most loveliest voice imaginable!

MrB has always had a very strong opinion on copyright theft, having seen friends struggling to make a living through recording, and so he was quite reticent about downloading. He grew less reluctant when confronted with

a) my withering wrath at being sytycd-less.

b) the fact that you can't actually get sytycd eps unless you download them as Fox has declined to provide them in any legal get-able form.

So with the two eps in the bag, I mentioned a show that I had read about on TWoP and which sounded most quirk-filled and awesome. So we downloaded the pilot and sat and watched it. And it was indeed the best televisual experience of the year.

Pushing Daisies.

We watched the pie-lette, and then the next two episodes, all in one hit of saccharine sweet surrealness and I just can't get enough of it.

It's about a man who can bring the dead to life again. But only for a minute. If the undead stay alive for more than 60 seconds, someone/thing else dies in their place. And if Ned touches the Undead again, they die again. Forever. Ned is a pie-maker by trade, but he dabbles in a reward-money-collecting-scheme on the side. He uses his gift to wake murder victims, ask who murdered them, zaps 'em again then collects the reward money for solving the crime... It's very lucrative!

Anyway, it's more than the surreal premise, it's bright colours and joy and happiness, it's Anna Friel and a wardrobe to die for, it's Kristin Chenoweth breaking randomly into song, it's the whole damn package and I'm hooked.

So, sorry for the rambling. I just felt the need to share...

Ok .... So ...

Here's what Jacob had to say about last nights episode of Idol:

'I think tonight's Australian Idol had a definite 'end of term' feeling to it. Like, classes are coming to an end, the assignments are having their last touch ups, Marty is making excuses for why his essay is illegible and written on the smooth side of a piece of sandpaper, and all that's left to do is revise for the upcoming exams. Tonight's lesson didn't produce anything new, and it wasn't all that interesting.

Marty, with any luck, will be gone tomorrow, then it will be Carl, and then in a gripping finale we will see Matt Corby take to the stage as the 2007 Idol winner.'

At this point, he got bored and wandered off ... leaving just a draft in the folder for someone to find and take pity on and sculpt an Idol post out of. And because I am nothing if not a busybody, I found it and nominated myself that person.

Truth be told, I saw the last ten minutes of the show last night ... so, long enough to add the following observations (which may or may not be true, but rather an attempt to reverse fate):

- Movember is a horrible month. Doesn't Andrew G realise he looks sleazy enough without the porn 'mo?

- Natalie Gauchi is TERRIBLE. Simply ... terrible. And not at all gorgeous. Come on Australia, vote her off. I dare you.

- I love Marty. He stole those five second snippets at the end with that constipated foghorn voice and ... those eyebrows. *swoon* Plus anyone who says that 'light my fire' is NOT Big Band clearly needs their ears checked. I mean, The Doors had FOUR members. Four. That's more than Silverchair and Nirvana. Plus, you have to admit, that they were pretty big in that 'famous' sense, so: I say it works. Let's all band together and send some love Marty's way tonight.

Eugh. I feel so dirty. Let's hope it works.

I gots nothing else, so I'm leaving the real snark to all our fabulous commenters ...

(Sorry Jacob. Best I could do)

Press Gang: Interface (AKA The One With the Computer)

Ok, let’s do this. If we race through the next few we might actually get to the good stuff before Christmas. The next ep. is a two parter and I’m not sure whether to do it as one super-jumbo recap of depressing Very-Special-Episodeness, or two. Thoughts? Opinions? Expressions of giving a shit?

Back to this episode: we open on a hand-drawn – by someone who has way too much time on their hands - sign that reads ‘bills’, hanging off a box. Someone is throwing things into it. Bills, I would presume. But who knows with this wacky show?

Now, the camera pans across a pair of shoes and some funky PG tunes start up. And another box – this one labeled ‘final demands’ in equally too-much-time text gets a few things dropped into it. And then we go up, and there’s Colin … going through the mail. In his awesome Kandinsky shirt.

Meanwhile Fraz is sleeping. Tiddler gives Lynda some mail, and Lynda tells her she’s female. Har.

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She also gives Spike a pink and perfumed letter from one ‘Lovely Giselle’ and Lynda claims not to be jealous. She’s probably never heard of the supermodel of the same name. Sigh.

Colin’s showing Spike a photocopy of a page from a newspaper – there’s an ad on it for a writing competition: The Roxborough award – first prize: a computer and printer. Just what the Junior Gazette needs, he says. Spike seems to be having trouble mustering up even a little bit of interest – and who can blame him. He’s only there for the Lynda-teasing.

Cut to two weeks later, and a shot of Fraz sleeping again, with his feet up on the desk and crossed over, and a little pile of mail wedged between his shoes.

Lynda grabs the mail, talking absently to sleeping Fraz. Colin comes over and he’s all excited – as excited as anyone gets in this episode – that Sarah is on the shortlist for the competition. Colin is backing up her entry with a letter about how Sarah is from a broken home with alcoholic parents etc. etc. which doesn’t particularly thrill Lynda. I’m kinda surprised, given the kind of crap she’s usually pulling to get her way. Maybe she’s still thinking about Spike and his terrible family situation and thinking that it’s not so cool to make the fun like that, who knows?

Either way, Colin agrees not to send the letter, but makes it clear that if they don’t win the computer, it’s on Lynda’s head.

And can someone now explain to me why if Sarah wins a creative writing contest, the prize goes to the Junior Gazette? It’s not like it’s a competition for youth newspapers, as far as I can tell.

You know what I hate about DVDs? No rewind button. Or, maybe that’s what I hate about playing DVDs on a PS2. Who knows. Either way I just missed something obviously important and I’ve got to start the whole episode again. Boo!

Ok, where were we? Now it’s three weeks later, and Fraz is awake but he’s lost the mail. Tiddler has tucked it into the back of his high-waisted pants and we get this cute little scene where Lynda is telling him they’re ‘behind him’ and he’s turning around in circles looking Frazzy.

A commotion at the other end of the newsroom gets their attention. OMG! It’s a computer. A big fancy one with TWO 5 1/4” floppy drives. Lynda congratulates Sarah and asks whether there was a handing-over ceremony or something. Sarah says that’s next month some time. So … maybe then she’ll get to take HER prize home? I’m still totally stuck on why the computer is automatically the property of the Junior Gazette. Stupid show.

*hugs show*

Oh. As it turns out … Sarah didn’t win. Colin did. For his stirring piece ‘The Early Years of Sarah Jackson’ – which he sent in after all, and which they assumed was fiction (because, as Lynda points out, it was).

Now, ok. I could get Sarah being so spineless that she just hands a valuable and big prize like that over to her after-school club, but someone please tell me that Colin would not have this thing straight up onto the 1991 equivalent of Ebay for a quick buck?

Lynda’s bored of this already – and walks off with Kenny talking newspaper stuff, until she gets to her Operations Board and sees the photocopied newspaper page about the competition again. I’m confused as to why a competition for individuals is on the Junior Gazette Board, but whatevs. It’s that kinds of episode I guess.

She thinks there was something a bit too easy about the whole thing. And I tend to agree with her. It’s four minutes into the show, we haven’t got a title yet and the only piece of plot that’s come up so far – aside from Fraz’s high-pants – has just resolved itself. No wonder she’s confused. What are they all going to do for the next seventeen minutes?

Lynda’s letting it go. I’m not, because as she walks off with Kenny to the darkroom some mysterious computery music starts playing and the camera fades to a close-up of the computer screen and the title of the episode finally comes up in bright breen computery writing.

Dum Dum DUM!!!

The next scene has everyone gathered around the computer with Lynda on the phone to Danny, sitting at another computer with the school admin assistant. She asks if he’s ready. He’s ready. To ... touch the keyboard.

Suddenly the words ‘MESSAGE BEING RECEIVED type themselves – letter by letter, because this is TV - on Colins Lynda’s sreen. And everyone woots.

Wow. I guess this kind of cyber-communication was a big deal in 1991.

At the other end of the newsroom Sarah is bitching that it’s all a bit strange: that Roxborough are an office supplies company that have nothing to do with creative writing, and that if it’s just for publicity they’re doing a pretty piss-poor job, given that there hasn’t been any. Methinks she’s just bitter she didn’t win.

On the screen (blue background, green type – like ALL TV computers of this era), some more words are typing themselves. Something about a computer dating agency. Lynda looks less than amused, but when the typey writing asks her name, she responds with ‘YES’ – and even I know that back in the day Y would have been sufficient. I could triple her productivity with that little nugget, but I won’t.

Now the typey writing tells her that her perfect match is … S P I K E T H O M S O N. Everyone laughs. I laugh. In the room with Danny the school admin assistant has morphed into Spike and he laughs. Lynda just gives the computer an evil look and mutters ‘Spike!’ with intent.

Now it’s suddenly later and it’s dark because Lynda turns out all the lights before she gets ready to leave, instead of on her way out the door like a normal person. Luckily she had the awesome blue glow of the computer monitor to help her see the armholes of her jacket. Kenny is talking to her about … something. Sorry. I tune out sometimes and, you know, no rewind button … and has to get into the little pool of blue glow to put his jacket on too.

They decide to leave the computer on, in case someone sends them a message. And I can’t even be bothered figuring out if that’s remotely realistic or not, given when I turn my computer off the messages are waiting for me when I turn it back on, but I’m in 2007 and not 1991.

As they go to leave Kenny asks if Lynda if she ever gets sick of this place. And she says no. Big surprise. Because she has absolutely no life.

Now there’s some tinking computer message and across the COMPTLETELY BLANK screen some words start to type themselves … a TV review. Interestingly, words typing themselves on a screen sound just like a dot matrix printer at work.

I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt here and use the fact that in the next screen Lynda is holding a print-out of the words to convince myself that that’s because the printer was printing out the words at the same time as they were typing themselves on screen.

But only because I really do like this show.

So, yeah. Kenny and Lynda are pouring over this anonymous TV review that – spookily – Lynda was saying she wanted. She says it’s good, but too short. Kenny’s just marveling at the anonymousness of it, but Lynda is convinced that it’s just someone on the news team who’s forgotten to put their name on it. Fair ‘nuff too. She tells Kenny to find out who it was and get them to double the length.

Sarah has gone off on her own to investigate this whole thing some more and, I’m assuming, to pummel the guy who said that Colin was a better writer than she was. She’s in some boofy blonde guy’s office and he’s got the framed Roxborough Award on his wall and is giving her a speil about how office supplies are just about words.

Yeah. Right. Because only word-related officed need office supplies.

Sarah looks unconvinced and asks about publicity, which makes apparently is his cue to get antsy and show her out. She leaves her backpack on the chair and as she barges back in to get it she catches the boofy blonde taking the certificate down. Oops.

She goes back to Lynda and says she’s sure the award was just up there for her benefit. Yes, Sarah, because it’s all about you. Maybe he was taking it down because he realised that it made no sense for him to have Colin’s certificate up on his wall? Did you think of that???

Lynda kinda brushes her to ask if she wrote the TV review, which she didn’t. And that means that someone on the news team has gone anonymous … which means a group meeting and Lynda telling them all off and demanding a name and a doubling of the length of the review.

Off in the distance, Spike is staring at the computer when more words start typing themselves. He calls Lynda over and she gets there just in time to see the expanded TV review write itself on her screen.

Well, that eliminates the news team, donnit? I’d say she owes them an apology for accusing them prematurely, but I know this is Lynda we’re talking about. There’s some debate whether they run it or not and if they do, who they say wrote it, which – really – who cares? Does it need a byline? Nothing in Mx ever has a byline.

Of course, instead of doing what I would do and just running the thing without a byline they make a whole big thing of it being by the ‘Mystery Writer’. Which Lynda explains to Kerr is an ‘if you haven’t got it, flaunt it’ approach. They both agree that the whole thing is rather … mysterious.

As she walks out of Kerr’s office Chrissie asks her if it’s all a gimmick to sell papers, which makes Lynda all furious and indignant, and so of course we cut to Colin standing in the schoolyard spruiking the whole Mystery Writer thing and Lynda standing in the background looking miserable and I wonder … if she didn’t want this to happen, why she devoted half the freaking front page and probably a good chunk of the inside to ‘Who is the Mystery Writer?’ teasers.

Back at the newsroom, it seems everyone from the local batty widow to the local orange-haired goth with black blusher to Mozart is claiming to be the Mystery Writer. Lynda is not amused and goes outside to sulk, where Colin finds her.

He’s swapped his Kandinsky shirt for Kandinsky shorts and mismatched converse and it’s so not a good look, but he’s found the mystery writer, who is in a ninja suit – complete with hood - wanting to get paid.

Lynda pulls the hood off to reveal Fraz, and then goes back to sulking.

And then sulking in front of the computer – because blue glow is so flattering for her complexion. She starts to natter away miserably to the computer about how horrible this whole situation is and wah wah wah and the computer responds with a typed ‘Hello’ so she types Hello and the computer asks her name and she types it and asks its name and then the message ends. So much mystery I could explode … sigh.

So of course Lynda goes off the talk to Kerr and he says that this person obviously wants to be found and that there must be clues and that it wouldn’t fit the pattern for there not to be clues. Right. Thanks BD Wong. Can you pass a message onto the SVU writers for me? Tell them that Olivia’s brother was the worst idea ever and their show sucks now. Thx.

KerrD Wong tries to shoo her out of his office but she’s all ‘you’re the only person I can talk to’ and I lose patience. Lynda’s a simpering little emo shithead in this episode and I’m over it. Can she really not stand to not know one little piece of information without going off and cutting herself because she feels so freaking lonely? Gah!!!!!

So, of course, this leads to a breakthrough as she realizes that not everyone is completely caught up in this great mystery and goes and pays Spike a visit, who is talking to the TV when she walking into his bedroom and stands silently behind him as he hands back his dirty underwear to be washed, thinking it’s his dad. She finally says something and he gets all shy and nervous and hides it with stupidly cute lines like ‘fancy meeting you here … and I do’ which make the last fifteen minutes of Emo Lynda and KerrD Wong almost worthwhile.

Lynda wants to talk about the Mystery writer. Spike challenges to a game of trivial pursuit and they’re hanging out on his bed and actually having a conversation and it’s awesome and sweet and cool and would only be made better if they stopped talking occasionally to pash on. Or it was Strip Trivial Pursuit.

And of course this little chat with Spike leads to enhanced clue-searching ability and – under the blue glow of the monitor on Lynda’s desk, which is so intense it turns everything near it blue even when all the lights are on and the room is bright white – manage to find an address hidden cryptically in the original competition advert photocopy. Wow. Spike really does have that awesome an effect on people.

And they go to the house and there’s freaky music playing and Spike offers to come in with her but she doesn’t want him to and he wishes her luck and leaves – sadly without any kissing. As she approaches the house the door opens and – OMG!!! – it’s the guy from the Office Supplies company!! And he invites her in.

Don’t go Lynda! It’s a trap! He collects newspaper editors to torture them!

Except not. He shows her into a random bedroom and then leaves. In the room is a computer and a funny headset. She’s all puzzled when suddenly … the door starts to open …. It’s the office supplies guy! With a knife and some rope!

No, not really. …. It’s just a chubby guy in a wheelchair.

They cut the whole bit where he explains to her what the fuck is going on and gets straight to the bit where he needs them to have a computer to communicate and is paralysed from the neck down (which …. and I may be completely wrong here …. Seems to the layprson to make the fact that he keeps moving his left shoulder kinda remarkable). He likes being the mystery writer and doesn’t want anyone knowing who he is and then he kicks her out as we see on his screen ‘I am Billy Homer and I am a tetraplegic’. Deeep.

She leaves and talks to the Office Supplies guy while she helps him him dry dishes. And of course she tells him he’s doing it wrong and he tells her she’s just like she was described, which is when she figures out that the two of them must have had inside help to pull all this off and tries to guess who it was.

Office Supplied guy leads the conversation away from that and toward various members of the news team and gets Lynda saying that Spike is all right and quite sweet as Spike walks up behind them. Aw. Cute and … I guess he’s the insider then.

That seems to piss Lynda off enough to go and tell Billy that she’s not into the mystery writer thing and that he’s either on the team properly or not at all and that he has to come to the meeting at the newsroom tomorrow or no deal, which I think is a bit harsh – given it’s not exactly like he can just jump on his pushy and ride over the the newsroom with no notice or anything - but when she leaves the room his dad is all thumbs up. So …. Ok.

So cut to the meeting and Lynda is waiting and asks Spike if he thinks he’ll come (because Spike has apparently known Billy a long time) and Spike doesn’t know. She goes to start the meeting when Spike interrupts by opening the door and the Office Supplies guy and Billy come in and as Billy wheels into the room Spike starts clapping with such force it kinda scares me - But it’s ok because everyone joins in and stands up and is all impressed and even Lynda half-smiles and it’s your classic ‘triumph over adversity’ moment and let’s all give them a big fat ‘aw’ … AWWWWWWWW!!

And that’s it. Roll credits. Kenny is making fun of Lynda for the visiting Spike and playing Trivial Pursuit thing. I realize we never found out who won that game and choose to believe it was Spike and that very fact has made Lynda fall completely in love with him. /fanwank.

Grade: D for most of it because the rhythm and pace were just off and Emo Lynda is annoying. B+ for the Spike-Lynda moment.

So You Think You Can Contain Your Excitement?

Group Dance....

Wha-huh? Who stole the group dance??? Instead we get to sneak a peek at some unaired auditions, and apparently this is a very special treat... I hate to doubt you Cat, I really do, but I think you'll find this is "filler". I do admire your acting skillz though - you managed to introduce that with a straight face... Especially seeing as this isn't unaired stuff at all, as we saw E-Knock and the chick with the hip problems the first time around. Although to be fair, there may have been an new auditionee or two in the montages. Oh. It was only NY that had the previously-aired unaired auditions, coz we see some new talent at LA - I was particularly impressed with the rocket scientist with massive guns. I could have seen more of him first time around guys - No Fair!
The freaky Anna-Nicole stalker and 'geneticist' Colin though? I could have missed that one. Apparently A-N still talks to him and told him to audition... in fact I believe A-N was talking to him as he danced to his own special beat, on his own special planet. But at least he was polite. I do like that in a delusional raver. Sorry, "geneticist".
I was also intrigued by the 18 year old who felt she needed to grow up after leaving high school... so did so by going to Miami to dance on the cruise ships...? I mean a four month long Schoolies week? How she even had the energy to audition is beyond me. Mind you, her audition did consist mostly of writhing on the floor, so I guess she learnt something at her floating finishing school.
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Nigel cracks a funny in Atlanta, quipping that some guy who did a 'unique' routine that seemed to involve pretty much just finger-clicking, asking whether Krumping + Tapping = Krapping? Hee! I'll totally pay that!
And then some random guy in a sparkley shirt and a cowboy hat... What is that? Silent tapping? With pirouettes? I don't get it...

Luckily it's now time for the dancing, so no need to frustrate/confuse actonb anymore... phew!

Group dance is Swamp Creatures!!!! Woohoo!
6 little swamp monkeys caught in a net wearing the butt-ugliest make-up and costumes ever. The boys look like Mr Tumnus! Mr Tumnus who hasn't been to the pet-grooming parlour for a while.. They're down and dirty and I just love it!

Our top 6 dancers bounce their ways on to the stage and aren't they just the cutest? Although Neil looks like he's just dashed back from auditioning for Rolf in The Sound of Music, all side-parted sweetness...

...and excuse me, but wtf is Cat wearing??? It looks like a Jenny Kee creation, a nightmare of sparkly blue feralness. But it's better than Mary's 1980's power-sheath complete with glomesh accents.

First up Pasha is dancing with Lacey, doing some hip hop. Oooh. It's Mannequin put to music! This excites me muchly... Lacey whinges that's it's really difficult to play a mannequin - honey, it's only hard when you're as addicted to hamming it up as you are... Pasha's hip hop is so cute, so bouncey, although - ewww, was he Surprise Butt-secksing her???? I never saw that bit with Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall... But it lives up to my 1980s nostalgic excitement, and when Mary giggles at Pasha, across the land countless women join her...

Sabra does solo - she's so gorgeous and the routine is mesmerising. I never get bored of Sabra.

Danny and Lauren are attempting a contemp from MiaM for starters. And this time it'll be an 'experiment' with movements more like an alien, not 'natural', not human... and this is different to every other MiaM routine, how exactly? Someone in production has a sense of humour coz they're dancing to Celine Dion! Lauren's wearing Anya's sexy black dress, and she's stolen Lacey's running jump across the stage, but overall it was well funky and totally awesome. I'm a little confused as to where the 'alien' comes in. It kinda looked like any other contemp dance to me, although, y'know, a good contemp dance... I am such a philistine. Also, the running around the studio? What was the point of that? But props to the camera-man. woo!
Debbie Allen, guest judge reckons it was Passion and Perfection Personified... hee, I am such a fan of alliteration.

Pasha's solo. He dances to Total Eclipse of the Heart, dancing with a real mannequin this time... and a million power knitters swoon on cue.

Neil's partnered with Sabra for a jazz routine, based on an 80s Power Lunch. Yeah, I know, these choreographers, they're bonkers, yes?
Anyway, they dance to The Eurythmics 'Sweet Dreams' and suddenly the side part makes sense, as they're both in business wear. The dance is great - dancing around, over, under the table, with a fantastic move where Neil holds himself over Sabra as she lays back - a gymnastic move known as the 'plange' apparently (and yes, *snort*, *giggle*, coz I'm 12). I had never been a fan of Neil until this - he finally exploded into my consciousness. The judges also seem to have suddenly been slapped into noticing him!

Lauren's solo - I feel like I've seen this a thousand times - Sabra's always seem to be so much fresher. And huh? Is she wearing a nightie? Hmmm...

Lacey and Pasha are back with their Smooth Waltz and it's supposedly the most difficult thing Lacey's done. Now, haven't we heard this a million times already this season?
It's really very very beautiful, and I'm sure it's technically brilliant, just a little... dare I say it? boring?
The judges are all 'fabulous! amazing! perfect!' although Nigel did have a problem with Lacey's limp wrist... teeheehee.

Neil's solo does precisely the same for me as Lauren's did - I think I've seen his solo too many times - although the backwards pike somersault was cool.

Danny and Lauren get slapped down by ? for not taking it seriously...'Disco's no joke!'
Although TPTB have decided that tonight's show is all about appealing to actonb's deeply hidden 80s tragic side as they're dancing to Don't leave me this way - by The Communards... The routine is lots of fun and the costumes are so funky and Danny seems to be actually enjoying himself for once.
I do have a question though - why is Debbie feeling the need to pimp this show at every opportunity during the bloody show... I mean we're watching it already woman!

Lacey's solo and I quite enjoyed it. Yes, I'm surprised to admit it myself, even though it's typical Lacey which means lots of booty-shaking, just where the cameras seem to be... oops!

Sabra and Neil are attempting the Pasa Doble next and learn that it's all about male attitude - and attitude's all Neil has, according to Sabra (as well as being an amazing dancer, girlfriend has a gift for snark!)
Neil looks like Adam Ant doing flamenco. And Sabra's wearing a slightly sexier version of my Year 10 formal dress... They rock, it's so very macho, so much 'tude and testosterone that Sabra can only flap her skirt in response. And it finishes with Sabra being held aloft then dropped down over Neil's shoulders, holding her ankles like a great big Sabra-shaped Hula Hoop as she hits the floor and is then dragged across the stage floor...
Nigel stunned. Although he does go one further and describe Sabra as a big donut...? Mary responds to that with some more techobabble and gives Neil his first ticket on the hot tamale train, with a special shriek just for him, lucky boy. Debbie reckons the show is just awesome. Again.

Danny's solo is even better than usual because he's actually smiling for once, but sadly performs not even a teensy pirouette? hmmm...

Results show:

We get a little update on Cedric, and then are treated to a performance of Titus and the Africa Dance Ensemble. It's all African drums and dancing in Hammer Pants and was good and all, but I dunno, I've kinda been conditioned to expect random leaping from my male dancers now...

Everyone does a solo again and it's all very interesting, especially Lauren's leopard skin leggings...

Cat quips that it must be wash day when confronted with a shirtless Pasha - and then is strangely reluctant to put her arm around him. Weird woman. But it really must be laundry day, as Neil is wearing the same outfit as yesterday and Danny had to steal a shirt and tie from a random school kid.

Aw bless - sytycd gives back to the community - through dance. The choreographers have gone deep in South Central LA to teach the teachers of after-school programs some of their routines. So they can go back and enthuse and inspire the kids - So remember kids! - don't join a gang, join a dance studio! work out your frustrations though dance... (yes, Nigel really does say that)

Back to the studio were we have an exhibition of krumping - by Lil C and the Naff(?) squad. And to my untutored eye krumping seems to be about waving your arms about, pulling your pants up and looking mildly perplexed...
/channeling my mother


After interminable recapping of everything we've already seen on the show today, Lacey is through to the Finarle. Followed after an absolute age by Danny.

And then... drama! controversy! The show isn't actually being broadcast live on the Monday - it was recorded on the Thursday, after the performance. Because the dancers need more than 2 days to prepare for the Finarle Extravaganza. So the studio has to go into Lock Down, and the whole audience are sent home. Cue lots of cranky pants fangirls...
So Cat is left standing on the stage with all the seats in darkness and only 'essential crew' remaining... her voice is echoing around the studio as she announces that Sabra is going through to the finale and Lauren is going home.

And then Neil gets through, and it's Pasha that has to go home. Nigel fawns all over him, calling him a charming and thorough gentleman. Mary is crying as she declares Pasha an amazing ambassador for ballroom. And he was. And he is. Poor Pasha. He rocked.

Final next week.... Excitement!

The Librarians

There will be spoilers in this post, if you missed the first episode of The Librarians you can watch it in on the ABC website.

I have been waiting for this show since I saw the original promo clips and as always with an Australian comedy series I was thinking, 'Please Don't Stuff It Up!'. For every Summer Heights High, there are several Comedy Inc's, so the odds are against us getting the yucks we so desperately deserve. The Librarians is following The Chaser's War on Everything and is replacing the incandescent Summer Heights High, it almost seems unfair to drop an untried show into this slot. I wanted to like it, and in the main I did. My viewing was somewhat marred by the lovely company I was in, they were all rather against the show within a few minutes (several glasses of wine and a corresponding rise in chat volume really didn't help) and were suggesting ways it could be improved. All improvements revolved around ripping off either The Office or Summer Heights High. I have just watched it again on the teeny tiny screen on the ABC website and now know exactly what I missed.
Set in Middleton Interactive Learning Centre (Library) it follows the uptight Head Librarian Frances O'Brien and her staff. Frances is just about every kind of 'ist' you can imagine, conveniently her staff fit nicely into the stereotypes that she finds so difficult to deal with (Muslim, ex-Offender, gay, Asian, Gay-sian, disabled, slut, dyslexic, would-be poet etc). An intruder (the slut) clips into Frances' not so idyllic life in the form of her high school bestie who ditched her for a better option back in uni. Frances is forced to hire her as the Children's Librarian when Neil (the ex-Offender) blackmails her with some rather ghoulish intel.
The hand held camera avoids nausea inducing movement, to give a fly on the wall atmosphere that works well - particularly when Frances' big secret is revealed by Neil. The performances from all of the secondary characters are excellent, understated and realistic. The characters are given back story via flash backs and none of them are one dimensional stereotypes (unless viewed through Frances' eyes). The biggest problem with the show at this stage is Robyn Butler (also the Co-writer/producer) as Frances. The character has plenty of reality to her on the page, but she is being played like a caricature. I really hope this aspect settles down next week, because at this point it is rather tricky to get past her very arch delivery of her lines.
I promised spoiler's didn't I? The big secret that Neil is lauding over Frances is that she is responsible for Dawn being a paraplegic. Frances was so enraptured by the view of Lachlan's (dyslexic) jean-clad arse during a team-building ropes course she didn't hang on to the rope, leading to Dawn's accident. Only Neil and Frances know this. It's actually pretty dark when you think about it. This could be very, very interesting.