America's Next Top Model finale

Great - now that America's Next Top Model has wrapped up, could we please get the current season as well? Ten could illegally broadcast it really late at night or something, and hopefully nobody will pick up on the ownership infringement, or whatever the laws are that pertain to television rights. I don't care, I just like to watch TV.

Tonight's final, in short: Nicole deserved to win, as she is clearly the prettier one. Bre deserved to go through to be runner-up, not Nik, as Nik's face is harsh and brutish.

I realised halfway through tonight's final that I liked the final of Australia's Next Top Model way more, even though the standard of models on America's NTM was better overall. Anyone who watched it would agree with me on this one: the bad live format, Jodhi Meares' appalling hosting skills and general inability to read from an autocue, the reunion of rejected molls models, the constant repetition of the word AMAZING. It was all terrific in its crapposity. I would have preferred Steph to win, but apparently the catwalks of Europe are all about anaemic horse-faced bitches, so Alice took the prize.

What was I talking about? America's Next Top Model, yes. It was a good season, I think. I didn't really think I would really find it as amusing the second time around, but in the year or so since I first watched everyone get pissed at Kim for every stupid reason you can think of, I must have found a fresh pool of cynicism to draw from.

Tyra Banks is still annoying, and I look forward to her getting stabbed in the face one day.

Oh my god, Ben McKenzie damn near had me in tears just now. It's going to be a Ben/Matt finale, for sure. *resumes vow of silence*

PS. Weeds is on tomorrow night at 10.30 on Channel Nine. Watch it y'all!

This one's a two part post!

ANTM:

Okay, firstly Channel Ten - this series is OLD. I remember watching these episodes a full year ago (if not more) on Fox8, and I already know who wins.

However. I am addicted to this show and I have some general points of discussion to share.

... not the least of which is how much I detest Tyra Banks. I wish she would just stick to being a host, but instead she tries to play up her role a bit too much that it repels me, the viewer. Channel Ten keep showing clips of the women's auditions, with one of Tyra Banks acting all stupid for a hand-held camera for some reason, and it just makes me want to give her a Ritalin or two and a time-out. No Tyra! Bad!

Because I'm so progressive and enlightened, here is how I rank the women remaining in the competition from worst to best:

Nik - I don't see what the judges see in her. She's got a weirdly huge forehead, big boofy hair and fake-looking lips. I know that's shallow, but this is a modelling competition, and I am a boy. I'm allowed to make superficial judgements.

Jayla - god, what's with the retarded names? Jayla has great eyes, they remind me of Natalie Imbruglia for some reason, but she is b-to-the-oring.

Bre - I can never understand what this girl is saying because she has this weird husky voice, like she's only just developed the power of speech (or like she's had her larynx jabbed with a spike). She's pretty boring, but prettier than the first two.

Kim - the boyish lesbian. Unconventionally attractive, but attractive nonetheless. She's the dark horse of the competition, and for someone who acts all masculine all the time I think she has a lovely soft feminine face at times. Oh god, listen to me!

Nicole - she always seems kind of bored with the proceedings, but it's in a hilarious Daria-esque way, like she knows that she's better than everyone. She's absolutely stunning in the way that the other women aren't (sorry, y'all), and I think she is the best.


And finally-


I hate that this man is an expert on style.


IDOL:
I'm predicting that Marty Simpson will take out the dubious honour of becoming the first Top 12 reject of the series. He's the most perplexing contestant in the competition in my opinion, I just don't get why he is there. His voice isn't really that special, he is obviously the biggest bogan in the competition (and I mean, like, in the ENTIRE competition, not just the ones remaining), and every time I see him I just want to attack him with scissors. I like to think that this is because he desperately needs a haircut, as it always looks unwashed and gross, and it hangs around his face à la Severus Snape, giving his facial features an oddly squashed look.

Quoth Marty's dad: "I'm a brickie, and his brother's a garbo, so if Marty can make a living as a musician instead of a brickie then good on him."

[Or something, I don't have a VCR, and I can't be arsed taking notes, so nyah.]

In Ben McKenzie's video package thingo, they showed a clip from when he was singing in a musical as a kid and he sounded pretty much exactly the same as he does now. Ha! But seriously folks, I love Ben. Dicko was right with his comment about Ben being the little brother of the competition, you just know that he would share his stuff with you AND let you use his Nintendo Wii when your friends come over after school.

Brianna "cunnilingus rash face" Carpenter did God Only Knows - one of my favourite songs ever since I heard Mandy Moore's cover of it in the opening credits of Saved! - and it was slightly less faux-theatrical than last week, but it was flat most of the way through it, and there were more pitch problems than me playing baseball in PE class. The dress was nice, apart from the superfluous buttons hastily stapled on to the front by - I presume - her mother.

Matt Corby is a vision of perfection, except for the deliberately messed up hair that seems to be all the rage these days. He needs to fix that, and do something about his slouching, but otherwise he was fantastic. I'm glad that Mark Holden has discontinued his use of Touchdown (opting instead for a more sedate 'boo yah!') but I wouldn't have been at all surprised if he had pulled one out after Matt's killer performance of The Scientist.

The rest bored the crap out of me, and one in particular (who we shall call Carl R... no wait, that's too obvious, better make it C Riseley) deserves to be publicly humiliated for choosing to sing Waltzing Matilda.