Top 18: So you think we can show some love around here?

Lets get this out of the way: The Aus version just isn't up there with S2 and 3 of the US version. But S1 in the States wasn't all that crash-hot either guys... Let's just go with the flow and take our pleasure where we can. This post brought to you by that rare and elusive creature, the positive Actonb.

Performance Show

Oooh - bouncey dancey walk, and we're into it! I may be sad squealy fangirl, but I just don't care - there's something about the bouncey dancey walk that gives me excited goosebumps. So there.

Nat's got a lovely shiny dress and lovely shiny hair she seems slightly more at ease... Bonnie's dress is ultra cute, but even I'm trying really really hard not to be getting over her super! positive! comments. Focus on the dress. Pretty. Ahh.... that's better. Fire bad, Dress pretty.

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First up: Kate and Hilton doing the Foxtrot. Jason Gilkisson is doing more reinventing of the wheel by bringing the Foxtrot into the now. Or, like, something. It involves a chair. And not so much of the foxtrotting.
In choreo, they both seem a little lost, and Hilton's skin is just awful... why can't Marcia's husband do the same trick for Hilton that he did for Benji in Oz Idol? Poor baby... Mind you, I've been looking of photos of my 18 year-old self recently, and hoo, bad skin really is the curse of adolescence.
Anyway, moving right along to the actual dance. They're dancing to Kylie's 'Two Hearts'. This is important, or at least it must be seeing as it's one of only three tracks actually announced on tonight's show. There's this funky 20's vibe going on, so I'm not sure where Kylie fits in as she's neither funky nor flapper, but whatevs... For once the prop was actually used all the way through the dance... I liked it - Kate seemed really confident and fluid and strong, but poor Hilton just seemed like another prop - he was lit really badly, and I didn't even realise his shirt was blue until the judging...

Matt has three words for them: elegant, sexy, sleek. yay! The boy can count! Bonnie thinks that Hilton was constrained by the foxtrot, the genre didn't allow him to do his tricks and so it wasn't tight enough... Jason has a little moment in which he declares his undying love for the Other Jason due to his ability to screw up perfectly good modern ballroom routines. He then says that Kate owned the routine, which she totally did. I think Kate is my new fave.

Not so much on my fave's list are Camilla and Sermsah. They're excited about doing Hip Hop. I'm kinda not so much excited. We have another little crisis of confidence for Sermsah, another little 'Buck Up Little Camper' from Camilla, and then they're on the stage in full Convict-On-The-Run gear. Which is a nice little follow-up to their cat burglar narrative from last week, but still, a bit um, cheesy? Actually, I've decided the whole damn routine was cheesy. And lame. There are some good tricks, and they're both putting lots of effort into it, but it does nothing for me... I feel I've seen so much damn hip hop over the last couple of years, it needs to be done really well to interest me. Also, I'm noting unison issues...

Matt reckons that the genre isn't kind to either of them and that Sermsah is too out of control. Bonnie waffles. Jason says that Sermsah should STFU about deserving to be in the comp. Ha! And then he points out their Unison Issues - Double Ha!

Jason is awesome - he is so constructive and detailed in his critique. And so honest. And I am completely in love with him. I just wish I didn't need to see as much of his chest. I mean, it's a lovely chest and all, but I'm more interested in his brain...

Next up are Kassy and Graeme doing some contemporary lyrical. And in a startling break from tradition it will be about... dreams and memories of a tortured love affair. Oh yay.
In choreo, they're both whinging about lifts. How terribly dangerous they are, blah blah blah... Have none of these people actually watched the show before?
They're dancing to the Ray Charles version of Yesterday and Kassy is wearing another stupid baby doll dress. I think they're catering to a demographic here... There's lots of typically contemp moves in here, lots of tortured expressions, lots of throwing themselves around the stage. Some of the lifts are good, but it kinda leaves me cold. I'm such a hard-hearted bitch, even when in Super! Positive! mode...

Matt gets all excited about the routine being dangerous... but in a good way. Bonnie waffles. Like, even more than usual. Jason continues to be awesome, stating that the routine was laboured and the landings were too hard and it sucked. Well he didn't go that far, but you could tell he thought it...

Continuing with the Aus version obsession with stupid dance genres, Stephanie and Marko are about to discover Swap. It's supposedly a mash-up of Swing and Hip Hop, but seriously guys, WTF?
They head off to choreo to discover what it's all about... I think they're not necessarily convinced. And then Steph had a negative block. I think that's a dance euphemism for dirty great temper tantrum.
And, oh my goodness, I thought the costumers would be nice after last weeks atrocious punk jive, but this week they've outdone themselves. They look like shite. It's like they took the idea from Sara and Pasha's funky 80s routine and then, I don't know... gave it to the work experience kid? Who took it to her local Supre outlet for inspiration? Utterly shithouse. Is the polite way of describing how they look.
But at least it distracts from the fact that the entire routine is shithouse... laboured and lacking in energy and Steph obviously still isn't over her negative block.

Matt agrees - he says it was wishy washy and all over the shop. Even Bonnie can't say anything nice about it... Jason says that Steph got left behind, that she got outdanced and that he reckons they'll be Bottom 3. So Steph decides to back chat, telling Nat that dancing's actually all about fun and letting go and listening to the music. Which earns her an awesome slapdown from Jason, who corrects her - dancing's about getting the Choreo right. HEEEEE!

Anthony and Laura are up next, doing a some Disco. Woo! More whinging about the lifts. Anthony muses that the lifts are out to get him, and wonders what it would be like to twirled about in the air. Anthony's an idiot. Which he proves by commenting that they're going to need to 'bring it' when dancing disco in front of Jason and Bonnie, because that's their era... Hee! Like I said: Idiot.
But he does look good in a body shirt... I'll give him that. Laura seems lacklustre, despite the sparkliness of her dress. And the bizarre flesh-coloured undies - she looks like a naked barbie doll - not anatomically correct in any way. I mean, she doesn't even do the chest shake with any conviction. And Anthony, for all his vaunted upper-body definition, really can't get the hang of the lifts...

Matt thinks it was very cool. Bonnie thinks, having lived through the 70s, that their dancing was authentic... Jason takes umbrage at Anthony's comment - but he was only just born in the 70s!!! And he agrees with me that Laura didn't hit it. That's because Jason and I are soulmates...

Rhiannon and JD get to try out some Contemporary Jazz... and ooh! I wasn't expecting JD to have such well-defined arms. He's built.

*Changes mind about JD*

*Is totally shallow*

We're not actually given the narrative behind this routine, but it's very fast, it's to Breath by The Prodigy and Rhiannon has this Helena-Bonham-Carter-on-crack thing going on. It's quite Tim Burton-esque which would normally be enough to endear me, but I dunno... maybe it's because I'm watching this at 4:30am (See? Commitment!) but it does nothing for me... and it has a really flat ending.

Matt thinks that JD was too laid back. Bonnie does another bit of pointless waffle before lamenting that they had to learn a new technique and that's so hard on them... FOR GOODNESS SAKE WOMAN it's the fecking competition. They ALL have to do it. Grrr.....

Demi and Jack are going to have to *shock* *Horror* learn a new genre when they pick Samba.
They're both a little uncertain about it, but throw themselves into the choreo, with only a little whinging about the damn lifts.
When they appear on stage there's a massive reaction: Demi is so damn gorgeous in a red tassley bra and wispy black skirt. And heels. They do a great job, it's a cute samba. I'm going to assume Jack was good, seeing as I don't think I looked at him once. I was mesmerised by the transformation in Demi...

Matt's talking garbage - I think all the red tassles went to his head, all he can blurt out is 'sexy sexy sexy'... hee. Bonnie I'm guessing probably waffled, seeing as I don't remember what she said. Jason applauds them for embracing the challenge and embracing the genres. He rocks.

Jemma and Rhys get to do Jazz, which makes Rhys very happy and Jemma kinda... less so. The choreographer is Michael - one of the guys who got through to Top 100 but bombed. It's supposed to be a sexy dracula thing, and has Jemma glad that her nan won't be in the live audience. Aw, bless. Sometimes you forget that these are only chilluns - Jemma's only 19.
They're dancing to INXS - it's not announced, but hey, even I know this track... And once again I was hooked by these two - they dance so well together. It was such a different vibe to the waltz, but they still have a great connection.

The judges didn't like it. They didn't think it was polished. Pfft. Who cares what they think...

Poor poor Vanessa and Henry - they pull their dance style out of the bucket and it's Animation Hip Hop. The poor babies have NO idea what this means... neither does anyone in the viewing public. The choreographer is Nacho Pop though, and when he finds out who's he's teaching HE gets all sad as well... HEE!!! It's basically stop start popping and whatnot. I think. To a very bizarre track that would be otherwise impossible to dance to. Vanessa has an ever-so mild breakdown. If I didn't dislike her so intensely I would feel vaguely sorry for her. But contrast her tears with Henry's stoicism and purpose... silly bint.
LaRue would have been very disappointed at the lack of Henry Hips, because they're all covered up in a green boiler suit. They're both in boiler suits with blank masks on, and y'know... it's pretty good. I didn't lose interest, I was intrigued... and I was impressed with Henry. He just ripped it. Total commitment to the genre. Way to go!

Matt gets that the genre was understated but incredibly difficult. Bonnie, well you know, she waffles. And then commits a major mistake by asking Vanessa a bloody question. Please peoples, don't let the girl speak... she's doing my head in! Jason was impressed by Henry and his versatility. He also thought Vanessa was going to be crap, but thought she did OK.

Results Show

Group dance starts off with Sermsah doing his patented lizard/snake/generic reptile thang and then everyone else bounces on stage doing some bizarre primitive tribal routine. There's frills, there's tousled hair, there's face paint. It's OK, but nothing special. In fact it kinda reminds of some high school musical routine.

Whoops! It was a Matt Lee routine! Says it all really...

Oh yay for Nat - she's got cute hair and a cute dress and a genuine smile. The girl is getting there.

You know, I've discovered that if you're not watching this live, the results show can be viewed in like 15 minutes... it rocks! No filler!

Demi & Jack, Camiila & Sermsah and Kassy & Graeme are the first up to receive the judgement. And it's Kassy and Graeme who are bottom 3.

Then we have Steph & Marko, Rhys & Jemma and Henry & Vanessa... Steph looks utterly petrified. Like she's about to receive a death sentence. It's very funny. It's even funnier when she finds out she's safe. In fact, all the couples are safe... whoa, tricky Nat!

The last three couples are Hilton & Kate, Anthony & Laura and Rhiannon & JD. Straight up Hilton & Kate are told they're bottom 3. And then Rhiannon & JD join them. Rhiannon looks shocked. And pissed. Heh.

DFTL:
Kassy's was kinda fun, but heavily focused on the butt-shaking.
Graeme was all over the stage and very energetic.
Kate, poor lamb, seemed so frantic and desperate, with a bizarre fixed grin on her face.
Hilton managed to misjudge his start but still squeezed lots of tricks into his 45 seconds. And seemed a little more relaxed at the same time.
Rhiannon did something dancey I guess...
JD was funky and chilled and I liked it.

As well as the dancers constantly whinging abut lifts, I'm kinda getting over the judges whinging about, well, judging. Get over yourself guys! But at least Jason had the guts to call the dancers on their crap solos...

Super Special Guest this week is Guy Sebastion and his band. They're cool, but I'm tired.

The judges are back and poor Jason is in a bit of a pickle, the big softy. Anyway, they send Kassy home, based soley on her bum-waggling solo. This seems to come as a shock to the poor girl.

Even more of shock is delivered when Hilton is told he's going home. The audience goes nutso... but it's because apparently he doesn't 'embody the genres' or some equally wanky dancespeak.

Cue shots of shocked and appalled and easily distressed dancers...

Hee!

Top 20 show - part 1

*** This is just the first part of the recap which is already horrendously late. I've had a shocker of a week, sorry.****

Super Excitement!

Major girly squealing!

The culmination of all my hopes and dreams! OK, maybe not, but this moment, when we have our Top 20 doing their patented bouncey-dance out onto the stage to that signature tune... priceless!

and.... it's all downhill from here.

Bugger.

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Nat scrubs up ok, but she's channeling Our Libby - from the massive puffy hair to the zoned out expression and the weird squishing-effect eye make-up. I'm not digging it. I know there's a pretty and vaguely personable host under there, but she seems to be MIA.

and so we cross to The Judges - no playful take on a random Brummie accent, just The Judges. And I really hope at some point during this show I'll stop comparing it to the US version, but it's not looking good... There is a forcedness about the banter between Nat and The Judges - Nat's affectation in calling Bonnie 'Miss Bonnie' and 'Miss Bonnie Bling' is a case in point.

Although to be fair, Bonnie is all blinged out in a horrible bronze glomesh kinda way... and displaying her tuck shops arms for all the world to see - sending me scurrying for the weight machine.

Eh - It's early days yet...

First couple is Rhiannon and JD and they're doing Hip Hop. We get the usual background story and discover she's 18 and from Minto - so the 'hamster dancing' shots are filmed in front of a heavily graffitied wall. Coz things are tough down in the SW.

But not as tough as in Manilla, where JD woke up one morning, 4 years old and abandoned by his parents - now that's a sob story! He's now 26 and based in Melbs...

They turn up for their choreo and MY GOD! The 'v' on Rhiannon is even more pronounced. It's just... so wrong. I'm watching the screen through my fingers, positive that we're about to stray into totally non-family-friendly territory.

The dance itself - to Kiss Kiss - is OK - bouncey and energetic - JD is awesome, so laid back and really hitting it - Rhiannon just seems to be waving her hair around in an overly aggressive manner.

The judges start as they obvious mean to continue:

Matt reckons it was a great way to start the show, all positive and woohoo! go us!
Bonnie is still relishing her place in the limelight - overly and annoyingly upbeat - with just a dash of inappropriate maternalism
Jason apparently actually watched the dance, so was able to critique it effectively - commenting on their issues with unison.

And then the mugging - we never got to see this aspect of the US show and My Goodness it's painful... why can't they just smile sweetly at the camera while the voting number is displayed, what's with the shoe phone and the finger phone and the damn amateur dramatics?! Grrr....

Next up is Courtney who is extremely excited to be paired with Hilton, and also to be doing some Lyrical Jazz. How this is different from normal Jazz, I have no idea.
Courtney's 23 and from St Kidla and considers herself an extremist - because she gets so very emotional about things dontcha know!
Hilton is 18 and we heard all about his sob story in the auditions.. but we get it rehashed for us again. And we also learn that his parents are from Haiti. And that he loves to dance. At Bondi.

At choreo, they learn that it's all about Romeo and Juliet and then we get lovely random shots of Hilton being cranky and then compaining about Courtney's technique being somewhat lacking... hee!

I have no idea what they're dancing to - for some reason Channel 10 feels we need not to know - but whatever it is, I ain't digging Hilton's Harry High (GOLDEN!) Pants... they're somewhat of a distraction and for all the wrong reasons.
It's all very tortured, as you'd expect with a Romeo and Juliet theme... it looks like contemp to me, but that's because I am not versed in the finer details of Dance Classification. According to me, If they spend a large proportion of the dance writhing on the floor, it's contemp. You ain't fooling anyone with this 'lyrical' malarky.

And then Hilton stuffs up the Big Lift. Oh No!
Now Matt reckons that Courtney's likeable, which can only mean that he's not watching the same show as me... but then in a sublime backhanded compliment tells her she's very good at faking her technique...
Bonnie blathers. I've tuned her out already.

Vanessa's next. She's 23. She's beautiful, as we keep being told. She also has a voice that does the whole fingernails-on-a-chalkboard thing to me. Plus it's mostly delivered at a whine too, which makes it even worse.
Henry is 22 and has a propensity for dancing in the middle of zebra crossings, irritating Sydney drivers in the process - not something I'd recommend.

Their salsa is very good - Henry is an incredibly strong salsa dancer, and he is able to partner Vanessa really well. She looks a little lost, and kinda clunky and lumpy. She doesn't go with the flow of the music so much. Matt thinks it was a very exciting routine and then gets a gold star in stating the obvious, pointing out that Henry is actually a salsa dancer...

Camilla gets matched with Sermsah to do some Musical Theatre, which I'm guessing is 'Broadway' for the ignorant Aussie audience...

I'm going to skip their intros because they were boring: Camilla taps, Sermsah sits on a rock.

But they are both super ultra excited about doing an Adam Williams routine to Big Spender!

I really loved this routine, even with the stuffed-up lift - Camilla just rocked it. She was so confident in a cat suit, strutting around, all her movements exaggerated... and the narrative was cute too. And they danced well together.
During the judge's critiques I realise that the dancers here on the aus version are so damn back chatty - they have to have their 2 cents worth - no yes ma'am, no ma'am like in the US. I think I miss that... even though Camilla is surprisingly articulate in support of her partner.

Jemma draws her 'random' dance style from the hat to find that she'll be doing the waltz - with Rhys.

And what a waltz it is! So amazing that I am quite prepared to forgive the Celine Bloody Dion... It starts off with no music at all, then slowly builds till they're floating around the floor, barefoot. It's just beautiful, and Rhys is such a fresh-faced cutie when he loses the green eye make-up! He muscles up the waltz, partnering really well, and with such a connection with Jemma. Just gorgeous.

Jason agrees, declaring it his fave routine so far..

SYTYCD Top 100 Part 2: So You Think You Can Guess The Top 20*?

And so we meet again. I'm not as good as this as MissB, but ever so grateful for the opportunity. So settle in, grab yourself a cup of tea or coffee or whatever and get comfy. It was a looooong night. And if you haven't done so, don't forget to scroll down and read AB's recap of Top 100 Part 1 FIRST. Or you'll be all spoilered and shit by the time you get to it, and we don't want that (just another reason you've got to click 'read the rest' to get to the good stuff).

So we start ... once again ... with a big exciting opening. Set to the young divas. Is it Flashback? Is it preview? Who knows? Who cares? 'Time To Step Up' flashes across the screen and we get some grabs of exciting things that maybe the judges are going to say tonight. Except they don’t. But we don’t know that yet. I hope that they only do this opening one more time – at the start of the first dancing episode – and then they give it away. It’s ok, show, we get it.

The credits roll and as Nat does her obligatory opening to-camera, I figure out what her problem is: she’s an actor, not a presenter. She seems to need a way to play these rather cheesy and meaningless lines, and today she’s chosen to play them as though the camera has just broken up with her, and she’s trying to win it back. Earnest. Odd.

So ... now it's time for a quick recap of Top 100 week so far. This show loves it’s recaps. And then we pick up where we left off: halfway through the group dance task. Which, yes, is a kind of odd point to leave off, but anyways.

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First up tonight is Josh’s group. Well, it’s not really HIS group but in the spirit of storyline each group segment focuses on one member of the group and ignores the rest. It’s annoying, but whatevs.

We all remember Josh, don’t we? He auditioned with his friend Seony, and they both got through to Sydney. Unfortunately Seony got cut in the pree top-100 cull they don’t tell you about but they couldn’t show Josh’s original audition without showing Seony so they’ve had to make up an excuse for why we haven’t seen him since couldn’t make it to top 100 week, so it’s just Josh carrying the torch for the two of them.

Josh struggled with his group, because they’re all better than him, so they learned the routine really quickly and went to bed, leaving him all alone.

The routine is ok, I suppose. It’s to a Mika song so it’s a bit Jazzy. For some reason most of the groups are split 4/1 along gender lines so all the performances end up being some variation of the 4 dancing around the 1 – which gets a bit Beyonce video, really.

Josh gets cut. He's witty and clever but not very good. The girls all make it through.

Next up is JD’s group – and we get JD’s sob story for the first time: he woke up when he was 4 to find his parents missing and then he got Australian parents who he thought were the tallest people on earth. I really wanna snark but the way he tells it, it’s kinda cute (the tall people thing, not the abandoned thing) and he gets points for not bringing it up in the Auditions.

Anyway, he's got a 4 guy/1 girl group and they're dancing contemporary to some slow thing. It's ... ok. Still ... it's four guys dancing around one girl and they each get a go getting all close-up with her while the others do some slow contempo stuff off to the side. JD does well, for a hip-hopper, but I'm more concerned about the red streak in Broadway Jack's hair. It ... totally kills him for me.

Matt says he's been called an ice-block because nothing moves him, but they moved him. Jason says JD was 100% the character he was playing and he could feel it and they could feel that ... in Adelaide, that's how strong the emotion was. I wonder about the poor people in Perth, who maybe couldn't feel it. Or Darwin. Cairns even. JD’s leaving out half the country here.

The girl in the group – Jemma - pipes up with 'JD was awesome and he's awesome and I loved dancing with him and all the guys'. Kelly says JD makes her cry, and they all get through.

Back from the break, Natalie is all breathy and recaps what's been happening, in case we missed it, which we didn’t so we don’t care.

Next group is Camilla and some boys, who are dancing to 'Express Yourself' by rather infamous gangsta rap godfathers NWA. The boys in her group decided on a hip hop routine. She's pissy. She's wearing a hood. She's badmouthing her group.

The routine is a bit ... cheesy. It reminds me of those wannabe b-boys you went to high-school with on Talent night.

Kelly asks who decided to do hip-hop – because, uh, well, apparently I’m the only person who hears ‘Express Yourself’ by NWA and immediately thinks ‘hip-hop’ (me and the boys in Camilla’s group, maybe). Camilla dobs in BJ and Carlo and says she thought there were too many cooks and she went into her hole. Bonnie asks her if she felt like she couldn't do as well as she should because of the choreo. She's all 'yeah, I said that to them. I said it was good but it's not 'that' (complete with hand motion) and then she tears up because she wanted 'that' (repeat hand motion) and she had to dance all hard and blah blah fishcakes. Maybe the boys voted her down but I didn't see much creative input from her into the routine so maybe she should just shut up and stop with the badmouthing the rest of her group?

Anyway, they all get through.

Next up, Henry's group. And he's got two girls and three boys and he's tired at 4.30 in the morning. And also has bad skin, it seems. We don't see much of their routine but it's sort of contempo with those Latinny hip-thrusty wiggly things. Gianne, Graeme and, of course, Henry get through. One of two random girls, Ellen, gets cut. The other random, Ella, goes through.

The next group obviously don't have anyone worthy of paying attention to – or maybe they all got on great or something - but they do a bog-standard hip-hop routine to Hook Me Up by The Veronicas. Jason cuts some girl I've never seen before who apparently entered the competition as his favourite - but not so favourite that they gave her any screen time. At the very end of his little spiel, he uses her name, so now I can cross ‘Eliza’ off my list … not that she was ever on it.

And I have to say that I'm loving that the judges like to use peoples names a lot, and not only that, but they don't mumble them. They say them clearly – so clearly that it’s almost like they want the people recapping at home actually get a name to write down, instead of just a vague description. Joy!

Which is what the rest of that group get to feel as they go through. Joy! Yay!

Next group is Anthony's. Their routine is … bippy. It features a cross-stage cartwheel-athon that Matt says reminds him of a Fizzy comp. Damn, I knew I was missing out when I wasn't allowed to do Fizzy.

Bonnie cuts a random pretty boy and doesn't give me his name. Everyone else gets through.

Next up - Michael's group. Remember Michael? He flubbed his first audition but got straight through to the top 100 based on his upper-body muscle definition, and ever since everyone’s been pretending that that obviously 40-something face belongs on someone 35 or under.

He choreographs a contemporary/hip/latin routine. But poor ballroom dancer Matthew - remember him, the one that didn’t want to be dragged down by his partner - is struggling with the different styles. Diddums.

The routine itself is to Bjorks 'Venus as a boy'. And let me just say, that while this is a bit of a homage (I'm being generous) to one of the US SYTYCD group dances, it's kinda cool. And it's actually costumed. And Michael is showing off that defined upper body, so I’m happy. That's a lovely six-pack.

Matt gets cut. Everyone watching cheers. He cries for the camera and we cheer a bit more. We would cheer even more if Michael – or random other from the group – asked that Matt’s performance not be judged in any way as indicative of the group as a whole, because he was obviously the weakest one. But no-one does.

Matt’s crying so Nat goes over to comfort him and MrL points out that it wouldn't be so bad to get cut on this show if you get a cuddle from the girl with the boobs. I slap him, and then look over and ... ew ... as Matt buries his face in Nat's shoulder and – the slime - he's actually grinning.

It's now 6.30pm and we're down to the last group, who are exhausted! Except that if you consider that all the groups got their songs presumably between about 11 and 11.30 last night, and then had to go back to the hotel, make up a routine and learn it to perform today, this group has had something like nine extra hours on the first group. That’s a whole nights sleep and then some, so while they’ve been here all day and they’re probably a little over it, I don’t really feel sorry for them.

The star of this segment is Samantha from Tasmania, which unfortunately means we get to see a recap of her original audition which she chose to do in a bra, undies and a full-length fishnet body stocking thing. It's about fifteen hundred different flavours of wrong, especially given she's dancing to some bad 80's metal track.

Anyway, they're doing a routine about death, because everyone in the group had a family member die recently. It's actually good and I have to say when Sermsah (who is in this group but surprising not the star of the piece) isn't having a pity party, he moves rather beautifully. Samantha, on the other hand, is clunky.

The judges love it. Sermsah gets through. Samantha gets cut.

And now 50 dancers remain. It's solo time. Natalie is telling us all dramatically that this is their last chance. They're all going to dance for their lives.

Which happens ... now. Yes. Fifty solos (or ... 48 solos and one duo) get squished into the space of exactly one minute and two seconds, to the tune of ‘Don’t Hold Back’ by The Potbelleez (who I hate … and not just because they pluralise with a Z). Not surprisingly, it's a montage of twists and turns and bendy bits and backflips. And then it's over. Ok. And half an hour into the show ... it's verdict time.

Is it just me or does it seem like giving an hour over to verdicts is a bit excessive? Really, they could have thought this out better and - I don't know - not done half the groups last night and half tonight, because that was just clunky, but just done them all tonight, or maybe even given the solo dances more than sixty two seconds of screentime?

Anyway ... everyone thinks it’s overnight deliberation time but no! There's a shock announcement and Nat reads out the names of 18 people who have to go back in and face the judges right away. The eighteen get spilt into two groups of nine. One group features Courtney, Rhys, Will and Nicki. The other features ... one of those three hip-hoppers from Cairns. Remember them? No. Me neither. Guess which group gets cut. No, go on - guess!

Some of those random cuttees get interviews, but I have no idea who they are, and they’ve been cut and so I don’t care.

And after the break: verdicts. Which begin with some rather stages arguing over polaroids. Just so we know this wasn’t an easy decision and the judges didn’t always agree

The verdicts themselves are delivered in this baig hall. Each dancer walks down a row of spotlights and gets to watch themselves dance on some big screens while awaiting their fate. While we wait, we get some interviews. Ooh. Some people are nervous. Some are excited. No, not predictable at all. Really.

And it begins: Csaba gets cut. Someone called Brenda who I have never ever ever seen before gets cut. A blonde ballet dancer called Andrew gets cut. BJ gets cut, and he's run out excuses so this time it sticks. He's learned a lot from the process, he says. Good.

Next up is Sermsah and he gets the full flashback treatment, from first Audition right through, so of course he gets into the Top 20. Which is awesome, really, because he seems to have found some confidence and it's adorable and when they tell him he cries and ... I wiffle a bit. Or, I would, if they hadn't chosen that DAMN JOHN MAYER SONG to celebrate with. It breaks me out of any emotion and just makes me a bit angry.

Kassie is next and she gets the full-flashback treatment too, complete with footage from home. Bonnie is all 'you come across really cold, if you want Australia to love you, you have to give them everything, and ... you didn't. *Pause* But you will do because you're through!!!' Nice fake-out Bonnie. If only the home footage hadn’t given you away.

Carlo is next. He gets full-flashback, including a touching scene with his sister. He's awesome. He's entertaining. Jason asks him if he thinks he can win. He says he can. Jason applauds his confidence and then cuts him. Harsh.

Stephanie and Henry get to go in together. Stephanie wants them both to have the same verdict - but I'm sure only if it's a yes. And it is. Aw. The Top 20 has ballroom.

After the break, more random interviews. Everyone is surprised by the results. Everyone is confused. Everyone is ... again ... predictable.

Next up Brendan and Jemma. Brendan's 35. He reminds us. They get a full-flashback too, but only Jemma gets through. And it's the first time I've really heard her speak and girlfriend sounds DUMB. She uses the word 'so' and 'like' more than ... me. And she's devastated for Brendan. Because he's old. He's 35. He doesn't get another chance. He's too old. It's so hard. He's so good, and he tried so hard, and it was his last shot. It's so sad. Blah. Shut up Jemma. Actually, it’s too late. I’ve heard to speak and it’s forever tainted you for me. Now all I see when I look at your face is dumb.

Khaly and his piercings get through. And when we see his solo, I get it. He's speechless. And now he explains that he has a stutter. I guess he forgot to bring that up BEFORE the verdict got read out, but I’m thinking he should have saved it for Australia. We love a good sub story.

Some other Stephanie who I've only seen in the odd ad gets cut. And then some girl called Rhiannon is up. I've not really seen her before. Bonnie thinks she's a bundle of trouble … for the rest of the dancers. Because she's in the top 20. Ok, Bonnie. 1 fake-out: ok. 2 fake-outs: we're catching on. Bonnie calls Rhiannon their little secret, and I assume they mean their secret from us, which is why she’s through to the Top 20 desipte me having no idea who she is.

I don't have any idea who Kate is either – and they do much in the way of explanation no either - but she's in the Top 20. Broadway Jack gets through too. And so does Camilla. Everyone cheers. Some blonde from South Australia is also through. I have to look her up because they didn’t give me her name. It’s Sarah. She’s the sole South Australian. Wasn’t the blonde South Australian from Idol last year also called Sarah?

After the break we get complaining about the waiting. It's after midnight. My idea: go home. No-one's forcing you to stay. Duh. In fact, the people next to you would probably be thrilled if you went home.

Then Anthony gets through and sommersaults out of the room in joy. Michael and his nice little muscles get the full-flashback treatment but he still gets cut and some guy who was awesome in Auditions then fell apart in Top 100 gets cut. Thank you Matt, for reminding me of his name when you cut him. See ya, Lucas.

Gianne then gets cut. And some other guy gets cut, and Jason doesn't give me his name, but he's cut, so who cares?

Hilton gets through after Bonnie's third fake-out for the night. This time it's the classic 'I'm sorry ..... but you're in the top 20' but it doesn’t really work because, you know Bonnie: 3 fake-out and you may as well just give up. His girlfriend Jess gets cut and he's SO nice about it and he carries her out into the carpark and it's so sweet ... Stupid show breaking up couples.

Is it bad that I keep wanting to call Hilton 'Cedric'?

After the break, Natalie proves she can't count by telling her there are only five boy spots left.

And JD gets one of them. Jason says he 'rocks'. Ok. Missing out in quick succession (or maybe I got bored) were Luke, Mack - which makes me unhappy because he seemed like a sweeeeeeeetie - Sid, some random unnamed Asian fellow in a baseball cap, and a random Asian girl who wasn't the ballerina with the annoying voice.

Demi is up next and she gets the full-flashback (minus Nicki, who it seems is no longer her girlfriend) and they put her in the top 20 by telling her to sign ‘I’m in the Top 20’ into the camera for her deaf sister. It’s actually really cute and I’m a little teary. Then they cut to Carlo waiting for her to come out. He hears her screaming and his face just … goes. It’s awesome. I’m a mess.

Or, I would be if I cried at this shit.

Then Graeme, Vanessa (the Asian Ballerina with the voice) and some random blonde guy who I have to later look up and whose name, for the record, is Marko get through.

And suddenly we’re down to our last two spots. It’s Will v Rhys and Nicki v Courtney. Good vs. Evil. Nasty vs. Nice. Arrogant vs. Less so. Fug vs just misguided. It’s … all … down … to … this.

First up, the boys. The judges ask Rhys what Will has that he doesn’t. Rhys says that Will can tap, and he can only pretend-tap. Then the judges ask Will what he has that Rhys doesn’t, and he says he’s more mature, then considers that that might sound arrogant, so adds that Rhys is still a good dancer and … has a wonderful personality. Huh? Anyway, Will gets cut and I cheer and whoop for a bit. Jaosn tells Rhys that he’s taken risks his whole life and he’s very brave and he goes against the grain and that takes strength and Rhys just tears up and then asks if he can hug all the judges. And it’s … aw. Sweet. Rhys can stay, so long as I never have to see that Green eyeshadow ever again.

And then it’s Courtney and Nicki. Courtney tells us that the two of them are different. And that they look different. Because television is apparently no longer a visual medium, I thank her for that. Anyway, because they obviously can’t let one as hated as Nicki go through, she gets cut, and while she tries to hide the scowl, she fails. At least she won’t be able to push Demi around this time to make herself feel better. Courtney cries. But I don’t.

So there you have it Australia: YOUR top 20, as voted by three and a half judges.

Anthony, Camilla, Courtney, Demi, Graeme, Henry, Hilton, JD, Jack, Jemma, Kassie, Kate, Khali, Marko, Rhiannon, Rhys, Sarah, Sermsah, Stephanie and Vanessa. W00t!

Next week: the real fun begins.

*Here's a hint, it's not that hard.

SYTYCDA Top 100 #1

Top 100 week - and Nat's still standing in that harsh Sydney Sun, still looking kinda awkward, poor dear.

And keeping with the theme that this is not merely a dance competition, but their very Reason For Being, the hamsters (and I didn't count, but there was probs 100 - La Rue and I call shenanigans there) are told this will be toughest and most intense week of their lives... and when you consider the emotional baggage this particular group of dancers is carrying that's a pretty big call.

This time there's a guest judge, Kelley Abbey. It's kinda refreshing to discover we actually have all this dance talent in the country actually. Cultural Cringe? What?

The dancers all have to learn a new piece of choreo*, then perform it - if they get three 'no's' they go home, they get three 'yes's' they go through, they get two 'no's' and two 'yes's' they have to... dumdum dummmmmm Dance For Their Lives. And yes, I'm skipping to the acronym as of.... Now.


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First up is a popping routine from some guy called Nacho Pop. It's pretty tough, but funky, and I'm especially pleased with the vaguely smirky/perplexed look on his face as his demonstrating it.

We get lots of whinging... and a bit of crying. Oh Noes! All the ballerinas can't pop.... And neither, it appears, can a bunch of the B-Peoples.
In a new and dramatic twist, the judges call a bunch of kids up to the stage before they've even performed, and cut them straight away for whinging. No, sorry, not showing the right attitude during rehearsal. Heh.

After the first round, and the following DFTL one-third of the Top 100 have been cut.

Next round is ballroom with Jason Gilkison. He teaches them the cha cha, though it sure doesn't look the same dance as my daughters are learning on Saturday mornings... The dancers are all paired off, with another Cruel! Twist! being that the smug ballroom dancers are all split up. And have to dance with really useless B-Peoples.

This round is a killer - lots of my faves don't get through - and I call shenanigans again when a bunch of ballroom dancers are sent home, even though to my unpractised eye they did great... Sarah, the lovely ex-anorexic doesn't make it, neither does Bessy. They try to send BJ home, but boyfriend has yet more excuses (and one we're going to hear again. and again. and again) Oh! But Miss! I wasn't dancing in my own style.... Grrr....

Demi, Sermsah and BJ all have to DFTL but all get through.

Day 3 ia all about the jazz, baby. And about joy and letting go and feeling groovy... pity it's a freakin' hard routine that sends everyone to the bathroom to cry and throw up.

Oh man! So many tears.....

Nice ironic montage of crying dancers with lots of lovely injuries...

Quite a few more people are cut here - not including Courtney - the random curly-haired female who just totally and utterly loses it during the jazz routine, but still gets through.

Sermsah isn't cut, but has been dealing with 'issues' all day. Issues and exhaustion... but turns out he has a fear of public rejection. And I personally think he's worried he's a token. But he rocks. So completely.

At 11pm, having been dancing ALL DAY, they are then split into groups to go back to hotel and work out their own choreo to a random piece of music.

More angst! More tears! More Channel Ten!

The first group is Will's - and they do a pretty funky routine to some weird-arse version of Pink's 'Get the Party started' - it's pretty good. There are more tears, it's all terribly serious, and then they all get through bar one random white guy who I have never seen before.

The second group has another DWtS alumni - Csaba - first time I've actually seen him. He does this magician/ marionette thing, quite reminiscent of one of the dances on last season. Both he and Courtney get through.

Third group dances to Raspberry Beret. mmmm. Prince. It's Rhys and oh, Nikki. Hey Nikki! I was wondering where you'd got to!
It's so totally camp, with Rhys wearing thigh-high boots and prancing about like... I dunno. Words fail me. The judges don't like it. They all this silly obsession with men dancing like men. Except, strangely enough, Jason, who gives Rhys a pass based on the fact that he was dancing to the music he was given...

The fourth group dance to Bohemian Rhapsody and, while I adore that song, I can understand how utterly crap it would be to choreo.

And that's it. Show suddenly stops, and Miss La Rue will be recapping the remainder of the group dances.

Please make her welcome :)


* Sorry, there is no way in hell I'm going to start calling it Corry. I grew up in the UK. That word has it's own very special meaning and I'm not going to debase it with dance references.

That Mitchell and Webb Look

Dear ABC,

I heart you.

That Mitchell and Webb Look is LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY.

If I wasn't snickering to myself when the German Army started deconstructing if perhaps they were "the baddies" during World War II, I certainly snorted when I heard the phrase

"Yes, well if there's one thing that we've learned in 1000 miles of retreat it's that the Russian farming industry is in dire need of mechanisation"

I look forward to seeing more surprising adventures of Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar.

I'm not going to deconstruct this in much detail. I'm just reporting my pleased-ness.

Huzzah!

Love,

Gigglewick

PS Dawn French as Vicky Pollard's mother also very amusing.

So What's Josh Schwartz been Up To Then?

Thanks to the L337 tecknikal knowledge of a certain Miss ActonB - who I believe was schooled in the art of L337 by an even more certain Killer Rabbit - I've finally figured out the fine art of downloading.

And what have I been using these mad skillz for, you may ask? Well, aside from trying to get all those episodes of Ed that I missed due to Channel Ten treating it like whenever filler without enough regular viewers to care if it was on a Thursday one week or a Saturday the next week or a weekday midday the week after - and yes, it's old, and so I really am probably watching a copy someone taped on their *cough* VCR some seven years ago and the picture and sound quality aren't all that awesome but any Ed is better than no Ed and until the networks get their arses into gear and release this awesomeness onto DVD (and the chances of that happening seem to be slimming so fast that even Nicole Richie is jealous) this is going to have to do *sigh* (I love Ed), I've been catching up with some of the new shows that are yet to reach our outdated, antequated Australian shores - or if they have, aren't being made available to the free-to-air viewing public.

And where better to start than with the the new stuff Josh Schwartz is putting out there.

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Now, we all know who Josh Schwartz is - the son of New York toy inventors who started subsrcibing to Variety at the age of twelve and ended up being the youngest ever creator of a network television show at age 26*. That show was The OC, and it made him rather famous, and also rather hated when it all went a bit pear-shaped in the second and third seasons, and then it made him loved again when Season Four was awesome, but by then it was too late and it made him unemployed.

But not for long - in fact, he began working on two shows, both of which premiered in 'The Fall' over in the US. And both of which I - as a diehard OCite - have been rather curious about for quite a while.

And now I have seen the pilots of both, I'm ready to deliver some verdicts.

First off: Chuck. I wasn't sure about this one, because it's a step away from teen drama, but it's actually really ... adorkable. Everything about it is adorkable. Especially Chuck himself - the twenty-something Nerd Herder who lives with his sister and is still pining for his college girlfriend and who accidentally downloads the entire NSA and CIA databases into his brain (in cool clockwork orange picture form and featuring more pie that one might expect).

Why, yes, dimming the 'but how ...' part of ones brain at the door does help in ones enjoyment of this show. And, yes, it could very easily have been rather bad - and don't think there aren't a fair number of viewers out there that think it was - but I for one loved it. It's cheesy, it's cheeky and it doesn't take itself very seriously at all. But it also has heart - and Chuck (Zachary Levi ... who I've never seen before but who I kinda love a little bit now) is so likeable that it makes all the stupid stuff ... cool.

And there is plenty here that could be stupid: car chases, improbable fight scenes, a token 'hot spy chick' who spends a lot of time in her hotel room in her underwear, a Baldwin - but it's so much fun that I don't care at all.

Plus there's a character called Captain Awesome. And that, my friends, is awesome. The Verdict: Two very enthusiastic thumbs up - fine holiday fun.

Next up, I subjected myself to Gossip Girl. Which isn't really right, because it's hardly a chore watching so many pretty people running around New York being bitchy (unless you're asking me to watch Sex and The City ... because that is painful).

Gossip Girl is - thematically - a lot closer to The OC, and it's therefore a lot harder not to compare the two. This kinda sucks for Gossip Girl, because it lacks a lot of the heart that The OC had. It's also - unfortunately - based on a series of books (kinda like Sweet Valley High meets Famous magazine, or something), meaning it's got a second in-built group of haters right there because - gasp! - it dares to not follow the books to the letter.

Sigh. What would be the fun in that?

So I liked it. It's delightfully soapy. The cast are all pretty and they all get about in pretty clothes and go to pretty parties. And of course there is evil and darkness (mostly in the form of serial attempted-rapist Chuck (because apparently it was decided that every show that premiered on American TV last year had to feature at least one character called Chuck - and that's really why the writers went on strike, but you didn't hear it from me) who is the most despicable character who's graced my TV screen in some time) and lots of Beautiful People Behaving Badly.

It's flawed - the voiceover, while supremely cheesy and adding a lot to the feel of the show, needs a little bit more work, and you can see all the storylines getting way shlocky about halfway through the season - but I'm adding it to my list of Guilty Pleasures.

And despite the fact that I didn't love it as much as Chuck, the soapiness means I'm hanging out for the second episode a little bit more.

So, after seeing both the pilots - I'm seeing a bright future for Mr Schwartz, so long as he doesn't let these shows go the way of The OC. Really, the guy is older and wiser now (he's like ... 31) so there's no reason to think he'll make those juvenile 20-something mistakes all over again.

And if you've seen more than I have and I'm wrong ... please don't tell me. I need something to look forward to in the mostly bleak wasteland that is TV world.


* In other words, he got the life I wanted. Toy inventors? So cool.

It's Gretel, bitch.

You know, I reckon I would actually watch The Weakest Link again if it had Gretel Killeen in the role as host. As much as I despise it when old game show formats get recycled like this (see: The Price is Right), there aren't too many women on TV who could play a harsh but respectable bitch, in a manner that doesn't come off like a bad pantomime, and I think Gretsky is one of them. Hey, maybe that extra concentrated bitch juice she was chugging in the ad breaks throughout BB07 could actually be an asset to her on-screen persona?

And anyway, I don't believe the show itself is old and boring. I loved the Australian one with Cornelia Frances when it was on, and I have many fond memories of sitting in my lounge room, chiming enthusiastically in with a hearty 'join us again for The Weakest Link... goodbye' at the end of every episode. I also love watching the UK version on UKTV with Anne Robinson as host, who I'm pretty sure could literally castrate any man with just an evil furrow of the eyebrow. So perhaps I'm just really, really lame, and my predilection towards quiz shows has rocketed me into the 65+ age bracket, but I'm actually hoping it will eventuate.

SEAMLESS SEGUE ::>>> complete with theme music and flashing graphics, etc.

I was planning on doing a proper review of Skins, which airs on SBS and is in my opinion the most underrated show on television, but as I can't be arsed right now I will instead just advise you to watch the show while it's still on. Monday, SBS, 10pm. At first I only watched it because I have a YOOOGE crush on Nicholas Hoult, one of the young stars of the show, but I'm really into the other characters right now. As it transpires, my favourite characters are the nerdy Sid and the long suffering but ADORABLE Cassie, while Hoult's character, Tony, is a bit of a jerk who I've come to like less and less as the series continues. Fucking Tony! Why are you such a cheating, sneaky, manipulative arsehole?! But I guess that's just good scriptwriting then, eh?

In any case, I rate this show, and in a time of unprecedented levels of cynicism we should all be grateful that the UK is still exporting shows of this calibre.

Next week's episode, I am aware, follows the storyline of two of the more minor characters, Maxxie and Anwar, the poof and the Muslim, respectively. So watch it, it should be arright for a laff, innit. Safe.

SYTYCDA: Sydney - the Angst capital of Australia

Sydney - that world-renowned city of sultry sparkliness.


A sparkliness that's just not happening for poor Miss Nat - she look so unsure of herself, standing there in the bright and harsh sunlight at Carriageworks. It's something about her mouth and the way she's concentrating so damn hard that she's squinting at the autocue. That could be the sun too though I guess - but it's doing nothing good for her.

Our first hamster, (or should that be dancing mouse?) is Hilton. He's so ultra-confident of his abilities that he totally reckons he'll be the winner. This is good - arrogance is good but then Oh No! The Angst, the Sob Story, the Journey... The angle this time is that his parents gave up their careers to clean the the dance studio in return for the his lessons. Gah! But when you hear how many lessons he's had, then yeah, it probably would end up evening out in the end - ballet, jazz, tap, bloody everything. He is very good. Very very good. Hip hop + Contemp + a little dash of ballet thrown into the mix. And he dances with his shoes off, then on, then off again - see Lamb? That's how you do the shoe thing gracefully!

The judges go wild and he gets to... stay in Sydney! Yay! Talk about a anti-climax...

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His girlfriend Jess is up next. The judges think she's holding back, is intimidated by Hilton, is letting the nerves get to her, so she gets to go to choreo...

Now Vanessa (Souffle???? Is that seriously her surname or did I just imagine that?) calls herself a pilates instructor. And she has very good... core muscles. And lots of strength. But a really annoying breathless squeaky voice. Luckily Jason can see past the voice to drool and sigh all over her, which was just the teeniest bit icky. She gets to stay in Sydney as well.

Question: If they're all 'staying' in Sydney, why do they get tickets? Is that a Cityrail pass to Redfern? Coz I don't think it'll fit in the turnstiles...

Cue montage of awesome sydney dancers... Thankfully most of them seem to be contemp - which means less hip hop, which is always a Good Thing. But it would be nice to see more dance styles in there as well.

But maybe not the pussycat doll, pole-dancing, gender-bending style that Albert brings... the bali-born dancer had my daughters utterly confused. Utterly. And totally. 'But, but, Mum...' they said 'He's wearing girl's boots. And jeans. And, and...' Yeah.

More contemporary - with super-extra-tortured facial expressions. Sarah is gorgeous to watch, angst-ridden though the dance is, and you just know she's got a sob story up her sleeve. She does. And it's a biggie. She's an anorexia survivor - has a healthy weight of 55-60kg and yet at her worst was down at 28kg. But she is amazingly strong. And not so much with the blame, just straight-forward and down-to-earth. She gets to stay in Sydney, and for once I'm thinking the producers actually handled something elegantly.

Stephanie & Henry are jiving next up, and while it's a good dance, and the partnership is strong, Steph is kinda bugging me with the Lacey-like mugging to the audience/judges. I guess they agree with me, because Henry gets a pass through to the Top 100 (or 154 or whatever it's at now) but Stephanie has to go to choreo. Which really really pisses her off. Hee! And then she pulls major bitch-faces at camera and it's even funnier!

More bitchface comes courtesy of Will - Mr Gay Australia - who hope everyone else will be awful in auditions, including all his friends... Nice.
He dances a cunning mixture of hip hop and contemporary in a bid to piss me off entirely... and then has a rant about men dancing like men, which is rewarded by a smirk from Jason. He gets sent through to choreo, but we all know he'll get through - the judges seem unable to count.

Next up is Daniell, who's missing her 'e' poor girl. Whatever she was dancing to, Matt was singing along which is cute, but he'd better not let Jason see him doing that! It also proves that he is, in fact, 12. Still, a cute 12.
It's another contemp routine, but Jason isn't impressed - he doesn't even want her going to choreo - so it's up to Matt and Bonnie to make the call. The poor girl virtually prostrates herself, begging, pleading, grovelling to be able to go through to the next round. It's sad and pitiful, but works on them both, as they're both Big Softies. It's official.

Not a Big Softie however is another Matt. He's doing ballroom with his partner Delia, but though considerably stronger than her, proceeds to preempt the judges decisions, insisting that he shouldn't be penalised for his partner not being up to standard. While she's standing right next to him. All the judges slam him for his unchivalrous behvaiour, but still send him through to choreo. He then continues to justify his position, oblivious to the gutted girl standing beside him. His partner of the last six years. Australia: If he gets through, please let us dump his sorry arrogant arse at the earliest opportunity.

A couple of random observations at this point:
Bonnie has swapped her purple leather jacket for a lime green version. It's pukeful. I pity the poor cow that gave it's life to make it.
Thankfully Nat looks kinda cute in buttercup yellow.

Cassie is a beautiful canvas apparently according to Jason - but her sob story routine isn't enough to move him - she heads off to choreo hell bent on her mission 'to move, to touch, Jason'.

Choreo round - and if I never hear that tract again, I'll die a happy little recapper. It's 'Please don't stop the Music' by the way - please, please don't ever subject me to it again.
Australia goes, 'hmmm, interesting' as the only girl who nails the choroe is Daniell of the mssing E. Australia groans as Matt-the-Prat goes through. Australia also groans as another girl, Whitney, implodes spectacularly when she fails the audition. This time Jason goes running to the loos after her, to make sure she's OK, and to offer her the chance to come back the next day to try out again. Australia then collectively cries, um, excuse me? WTF?

Day 2 is the day of the unending hip hop.

It starts off with Sione and Josh doing some Kiwi Krumping. Josh does most of the work, Sione just stands there like a big man prop. A manly man prop though - never forget that. No unseemly boy-on-boy dancing around here... Nooooo.....

And then moves along to a montage of various b-boys and girls. And by montage I mean, no-one is clearly identifiable so seriously I have no idea what proportion were boys or girls - they were pretty much all upside down anyways.

Then there's a couple of stand-outs - including Olivier (or 'Oli' to his friends) who's a B-Boy, a Popper AND a stockbroker. You go boyfriend! He kinda wanders onto the stage, walking about looking at his watch, till he gets yelled at by Jason, then he breaks into a pretty good display. It's impressive enough to get him through to the next round.

BJ reckons he's been sick, so sick and that he won't do justice to the audition. He does look kinda grey... but he does lots of pirouettes and whatnot - Matt calls him a great turner - but not much in between, like dancey stuff... He does the whole, 'yeah but I bin sick, miss' thing, and gets sent through to choreo. I'm happy to write him off as a slacker, but the ambos hanging around in the background give me the impression that maybe he really has been sick... I'm inclined to reserve judgement here.

And proving just how sultry Sydney really is, they wheel in a pole for some Pole Dancing... it's all very, er, athletic... and the girls do have some very pretty knickers... and lovely shoes. Poor Bonnie comes over all modest, prompting a merciless teasing from Matt... and poor Jason! Well, it's enough to bring out closet hetrosexual in him, poor lamb!

A couple of the pole dancers even show off enough versatility and flexibility (in dance, peoples) to get through to the next round. Yay to Sydney for finally showing us something different!

Something NOT completely is Graeme and his contemp routine to a Missy Higgins track. It was good and yay for him - he gets to stay in Sydney. His teacher Michael, supposedly some hip Sydney choreographer, has chosen NOT to choreo his audition routine - and then comes all unstuck and wanders off the stage mid-twirl. It kinda flummoxes the judges who reckon 'it wasn't as bad as you think it was' and then proceed to give him a Sydney City return... out of pity? I dunno...

And then oooh! more intrigue, more drama... because who's turned up to audition again - our dear stroppy friend Nikki... she bounces on to the stage wearing a little lacey dress and a big smile and then does a bizarre narrative contemp thing. The judges must have seen some light or some shade or some something in there because she get sent to choreo again...

After Matt's choreo, and thankfully the last time we have to watch/listen to it, BJ the turner, Oli the stockbroker, the kiwi krumpers (BOTH of them), and the two failed auditionees, Nikki and Whitney, all get to stay in Sydney.

Hmm... firstly, I think the producers can't count.
Secondly, I think the tickets were being given away in Sydney like we had some funky single ticketing system...

But, at least next week we get to see our Top However many, and then this competition will really start to kick along.

Can we get a yay?

The SESA Mailbag

Dear Channel Nine,

Look, I know we haven't spoken in a while - you air a bunch of shows I don't watch. What can I say? Your purchasing decisions are dubious, and even when they're not, you treat your programs like playing cards, shuffling them around at will so we never know what we're going to get.

But I have to thank you (and I know you never expected that) for this past summer. You picked up where Channel Seven left of three long, hard years ago and brought Gordon back to our screens. And in a regular timeslot, too. It was awesome. That swearing. That Scottish brogue. The swearing. The 'holy cow, he's 38! Geez, cheffing is ROUGH!' exclamations. The useless restauranteurs and the pretentious chefs and an overuse of the words 'simple' and 'rustic' that made me weak at the knees.

And from what I read, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares has been a bit of a cult hit for you this summer. Everyone's talking about it. And I'm really really really glad you're keeping it for the ratings season.

Or - should I say - I was.

Until I found out that you were going to start showing the American version.

Because seriously, here's the thing: There are five seasons of RKN (UK). You've been screening an eclectic mix of seasons two, three and sometimes four. You have plenty of UK awesomeness left to show us - believe me, I know.

So why are we suddenly getting the inferior US version? Without the Gordon voiceover? And with all the faux melodrama, the instant make-overs, the US Reality TV style showdowns? No-one likes the US version better, except maybe the odd American without a choice in the matter. No-one. It's LAME.

It's produced by Fox, FFS.

And i know, I shouldn't complain. Some Gordon is better than no Gordon. And I suppose I'll watch it.

But only if you promise that one day you will show me the last of those UK eps.

Pretty please?

Yours (between 9.30 and 10.30 on Thursdays, and at no other time ever),

Chesty LaRue

SYTYCDA - The Interminable Auditions

Melbourne, home of hiphop and trams.

*insert obligatory pic of tram here*

Poor Melbs, it really is a stereotype isn't it? All that pressure to perform because you're the 'culture capital' of Australia...

And talking about pressure and stereotypes, first up we have David. He Asian. And a hip-hopper, no sorry, got to get this lingo right - he's a B-Boy. And his parents would really prefer he wasn't. They'd prefer him to study study study go to uni, get married, The End... see? stereotypes. Although I prefer the stereotyping to the interminable angst that will overcome us by the end of these auditions. Anyway David, like all those heroes of the days of yore, well, he just wants to dance! And dance he does, mostly power tricks, but y'know I thought that's what hip-hop was all about. Apparently not, as he gets sent to choreo.

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Courtney's some chick - she dances - and Jason is so all over her that he sends her to choreo and then just hands her a ticket to Sydney... cos she's cute? who knows...

I certainly don't - I'm distracted by the purple pleather jacket Bonnie's wearing. Distracted because when they arrived, she was wearing a royal blue denim-y skirt and jacket combo. I mean, the wardrobe choices here are woeful as it is, without throwing in continuity issues for me to deal with as well...

Anyway, distractions will have to be put aside for tonight's Sob Story #2 - Drumstick 'I play the drums and am skinny like a stick'. As far as I can tell he kinda dances like a stick too, but this only goes to prove yet again why I'm the recapper not the judge... or maybe it's just that I'm immune to hard luck stories - because Drumstick has a degenerative disease which has left him half deaf and half blind and marking time till he loses both sense all together. Look - I'm sad for the guy, but I don't have to agree that he dance, ok?

Hee! Melbourne's quirky street-theatre is given a shout-out by Melissa. She's a salmon. Obvs. And you know what? I liked her performance just fine. I thought Jason liked interpretative narratives??? Maybe he just doesn't do fish. Melissa's not for this competition apparently - she has other streams up which to swim...

The first real dummy spit of the season is CJ - Melbourne's male equivalent of Madonna. Apparently. He's so utterly deluded - dancing in jeans and socks, but still feels righteously indignant when he's told he doesn't cut it. Because dontacha know that the core of dance is letting spirit shine in physical form - and that's precisely what CJ showed us, but being philistines all we saw was a twat.

I can't even remember what style of dancing Rhys did - I was blinded by his pants, and therefore it was probably contemporary. He's obviously been shopping at the local safety store, and has some mad hi-viz trackies. He's going to be the envy of all the truckies I can tell. He gets through after choreo and we get a cute little shot of him telling his ultra-ocker snag-turning Dad about his ticket to Sydney.

Sob Stories parts 3 through 7 are manifest in the Sorono family from the Phillipines... Demi, Carlos and Lorraine all audition, as well as Demi's girlfriend Nikki. We get a lot of yadda yadda grew up in a straw hut, learned to dance with nothing, etc etc hand me another tissue. Pushing this sob story up to 11 is the fact that Lorraine is deaf and therefore can only feel the music if the bass is up really loud.

Gah!

Demi is quite good - I liked her energy and her vibe. She seemed to be really enjoying the dance. As did Lorraine, who considereing she can't actually hear the music, did a damn sight better than, say, I, would do... Not that that's actually saying anything, mind. Nikki was a little too aggressive in her krumping. Matt called her on it, wanting some light and shade... On No! Not the light and shade already???
But Carlo? Wow! He was awesome, pulling some great moves, and doing with a cheeky vibe. I liked it muchly. So, knowing how I feel about these things, the judges send him straight to Sydney. They send Lorraine home, Demi to choreo and Nikki to the loo.

After Matt's choreo round and the Track That Will Never Bloody End, Demi gets through, as do David, Drumstick and some random white guy. Poor random white guy. I hope you get all the way through to Top 4...

Day 2 and a girl in a net gets sent to Sydney. Now, I like these judges. I feel they have empathy and knowledge and are actually trying to judge the dancers rather than screech at them, but seriously, some of their decisions are a little bewildering... I'm hoping that it's just the editing process, because I just ain't getting it.

More damn hip-hop. Along with the odd judging decisions, I'm hoping that a few of the randoms being sent to Sydney are Not B-boys/girls... cos I'm getting over the hip hop. Sorry JD - I mean you were good, and there was most definitely light and shade and I recognise that it was different and all, but your routine kinda just slid off me. And I got an arrogant little vibe there too. We shall see...

Just to prove me wrong, next up is Ella, an indigenous ballet dancer. Why they have to make a point of her being indigenous I don't know... but she's an awesome dancer, graceful, elegant, and with some actual versatility - she'd done some hip hop classes as well. Now. Why don't they ask the B-boys whether they've done a few sneaky ballroom classes to prove their versatility hmmm????

Ooh! More diversity - a Samoan tapdog-esque stomper with a twist of hip-hop. Well, that was a refreshing change. Although the honing in on the 'human interest' angle - Mack has a baby! the baby is cute! We're giving Mack's baby his ticket to Sydney! is already getting stale.

Moving right along to my favourite part of the night - the Lindy Hoppers! Cathie and Kieran are awesome, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a SUCKER for the Lindy Hop. Na-uh. Even though it's the dance they dance in heaven. Just ask Chesty - she knows all about it.
Their Lindy Hop is bouncy and bright and Fun! Fun! Fun!
They still get sent to choreo though, and then drama! intrigue! Jason suggests they are going to have to split up, because it's a comp for soloists and he only has one ticket... dum dum dummmmmm.... yeah - they both get through.

Adelaide. And I've just realised that Adelaide's about to get 20 minutes of airtime. Ha! I guess
Audrey's right - South Australia IS eating it's young...

First up is Laura, another ballet dancer. She was good, she was cute with mucho pirouette and boches (?) balanceyness anyway... But, I ignored the dance and concentrated on her t-shirt. Covet covet covet. I want it.

It's at this point that my notes go, and I quote verbatim here:

now I'm over all these people with journeys and dead relatives.
It's a DANCE competeition, not a pity party...

Word! to me... It's just a bugger that these judges seem to be suckers for a sob story. And Ten wants to milk every. single. one of them.

We get 2 sisters, Tamara and Nikki, both dancing to Spanish-flavoured music, but one of them doing it a hell of a lot better than the other. Sob Story angle? Why, they're sisters connecting through dance... They both get through after Nikki does the choreo, and we know it's going to happen anyway so there can be tears and hugs and all the thing Ten loves...

There's also a gold quote from Jason, proving why he's a dancer and not a, I dunno? recapper? Anway - he describes someone as winning a blue ribbon Pulitzer Prize... that'd be in the ever so famous Krufts/Columbia dancing competition then...

Verdict: Second episode precisely 46% crappier than the first, but that's solely due to the Sob Story count. Nat was also kinda invisible. At least according to my notes.

Shall we Dance?

Why yes, I do believe we shall.

As soon as those credits start up, there's a classic pavlovian reaction as the squeeing fangirl in my soul starts up with the krumping and pirouetteing... I really am a sad case, and am petrified that the aus version is going to suck.

But for the time being I am going to reserve judgement... and just laugh at the new judges. They are:

Jason Coleman, who is supposedly awesomely amazing and has choreographed the Olympics and like, everything. But seeing as all the footage consisted of people standing around waving their arms in a meaningful fashion, I'm not sold - I mean even I could have done that...
Also - distracted. So so distracted. By the hair - the Brian Mannix hair. I just can't take him seriously. Although he does give good shirt, I'll give him that - I'm coveting the blue one with the flowers...

Bonnie Lythgoe, ex of the lovely Nigel Lythgoe, and proving true the maxim that the longer you're married to someone, the more you grow to look like them. Which is really quite unfortunate for poor Bonnie...
I also suspect that I am going to have as much fun with her wardrobe as I had with Mary Murphy's - although it seems that Bonnie's stylist can't be arsed with approaching designers and just heads straight to the local Noni B.

Matt Lee looks 12. He sounds 12. And when he says 'hot hot hot' and 'you're beautiful' it sounds wrong. so so wrong. Because he's 12 and therefore should be more interested in his bmx bike.
Apparently he's another super-dooper choreographer, but again the footage doesn't inspire confidence as all I got was a B*witched vibe, and that ain't good choreography.

ok... and we're into it.

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Perth auditions - there's the requisite line of overly-excited contestants plus the new overly-short host. I am glaring at Miss Bassingthwaite, narrowing my eyes... she'd better be good. Coz I'm missing my Cat like crazy.

I watched the first 15 minutes of this at about 11:30 on sunday night, and all I got was 'hat' 'poser' 'hat' 'poser with hat' so I figured Perth was going to give us lots of hip hop...


So I'm pleasantly surpirsed that the first couple sent to 'Sydney' (which SO doesn't have the same ring as 'Las Vegas') is a ballroom couple - Brendan and Gemma. Pleasant that is, if you overlook the 16 year age difference. I'm hearing rumours that he's a DWtS alummni, and he is very good, but I'm more impressed with Gemma, who's 19 and just sashays all over that stage. She's going to be interesting to watch...

And then the Very! Next! Audition! is Lambchop who does a bit of this, does a bit of that... takes her shoes off halfway through, does a bit more of something else... Jason is impressed by her versatility - because nothing shows versatility like a vibe-killing unshodding - but I thought she was a little lumpy and blah. She gets a ticket to Sydney and I'm thinking 'shit shit shit, this IS going to be crap'.


That feeling is strengthened by our next tryhard, sorry, try-out - Angel. She's a model and dances with emotion, as a model.. hmmm.. she also speaks with the emotion of a model. And the clarity of a model. She's crap - giving off a space age Olivia Newtown John vibe - and unfortunately I just realised that's exactly how I dance, which probably just ruined all my credibility... but hey, at least I don't wear sparkley pants... I dance coz I like it too, but at least I can pronounce the word 'choreography'.

Morning dawns brightly, bring Stephanie, who wants to work withthe moulin rouge. I get the love of the headdress and the ruffled skirt. And the can-can... she probably saw some of the awesome dresses Anya got to wear in the US version and wanted in on that pretty pretty action. And I don't blame her one little bit.
Luckily she can dance too ... and with feeling!

Sermsah was up next, covered with body paint and dancing an amazingly strong indigenous-flavoured routine. He got through to Sydney, but I hope it wasn't just because he adds 'diversity' thanks Jason...

We get some more hip hop, some questionable music choices (NIN anyone?) and then wer'e back at the choreo round with Matt Lee. Ah, finally I'm getting some Dan Karaty from him. He can stay.

But it's at this point that I realise that Nat is just doing it for me... she's VO-ing like this is 'Saving Babies'... so breathless and intense. She just isn't bringing the fun, the lightness, of Cat Deeley. It's about dancers for goodness sakes! It's not an undercover operation with the guerillas in West Papua... Failing the choreo round is NOT going to kill them.

Another random observation - the aus judges have nice little coffee cups rather than Big Gulps - I think that says all that needs to be said about cross-cultural assimilation...

Brisbane.

First up is Camilla - she's been dancing since she was 3, her mum being some whizz-bang tap dancer... so here I am expecting some tap and then was wondering how the hell she's gonna do it in cons... All these 'Alternative' dancing costumes are going to do my head in - a tutu and a pair of sneakers doesn't make you cutting edge babe...

The 365 crew do their thang - cutely coordinated with dinner jackets and a striped trilby that Miss M is not-so-quietly coveting - it's OK I guess, but then the judges get all cut-throat and only give one of them a pass through to Sydney... ohhhh. drama! intrigue! Pshaw... we all know they're ALL going after choreo so stop trying to dick me around show...

I do believe it might be time for some eye candy - I'm starting to feel a little jaded. Anthony is apparently a *snort* national aerobics champion. And his brother is some NRL star, but don't ask me who because that's not my code peoples. His upper body strength is, um, impressive... and his grace and poise knocked me sideways - not what I was expecting when I heard 'aerobics'. He looks the total package... until he opens his mouth and his voice is pure country Qld which just kills the effect. Dead.

We move into the 'pity the poor ballarina' phase of the show now - as Emma, Australian Ballet School trained, but now wanting to experience 'life' has her go. She's ballet-y, but you can tell she's losing it... she breaks into huge sobs, but isn't clued in enough to tell the judges that Dance is her Life. More sobs then she leaves the stage, having been declared 'too fragile' for this vicious cut-throat competition. Ha!

Luckily Jack - who wants to make it Broadway, (and is possible any of us missed the subtext there? nope, didn't think so...) steps up to the plate and gives an amazing bouncy high energy jazz performance which wipes all those tears away...

I love the juxtaposition that Carl presents us with - he's been dancing fulltime for 18 months and yet rocks up to audition in footy shorts and flanno. He does a nuryev cover that Jason writes off and then makes him go to choreo - obviously not taking his Dance seriously enough...

Still with the sobbing is Bessy from El Salvador, a completely untrained, i dunno? B-girl? I was distracted by the boxing boots... She delivers a sob story to rule them all - being abandonded by her mother, escaping civil war, learning to dance on the streets... and yeah, jaded though I may be, and I'm so blaming the wine, but I was sobbing along with the rest of them...

For some odd reason they've decided to let Caleb from FNQ dance - even though he's only 15 and therefore too young to enter the competition. He does dance beautifully, but I still don't get the point of this bit... maybe someone could enlighten me..?

After choreo, and boy am I going to get sick of that track, Bessy and Carl get through. To no-one's surprise whatsoever.

Verdict: Episode one was less crap than I was expecting, dreading... But it was precisely 58.7% crapper than the US version. Due mainly to the absence of Cat.