This one's a two part post!
ANTM:
Okay, firstly Channel Ten - this series is OLD. I remember watching these episodes a full year ago (if not more) on Fox8, and I already know who wins.
However. I am addicted to this show and I have some general points of discussion to share.
... not the least of which is how much I detest Tyra Banks. I wish she would just stick to being a host, but instead she tries to play up her role a bit too much that it repels me, the viewer. Channel Ten keep showing clips of the women's auditions, with one of Tyra Banks acting all stupid for a hand-held camera for some reason, and it just makes me want to give her a Ritalin or two and a time-out. No Tyra! Bad!
Because I'm so progressive and enlightened, here is how I rank the women remaining in the competition from worst to best:
Nik - I don't see what the judges see in her. She's got a weirdly huge forehead, big boofy hair and fake-looking lips. I know that's shallow, but this is a modelling competition, and I am a boy. I'm allowed to make superficial judgements.
Jayla - god, what's with the retarded names? Jayla has great eyes, they remind me of Natalie Imbruglia for some reason, but she is b-to-the-oring.
Bre - I can never understand what this girl is saying because she has this weird husky voice, like she's only just developed the power of speech (or like she's had her larynx jabbed with a spike). She's pretty boring, but prettier than the first two.
Kim - the boyish lesbian. Unconventionally attractive, but attractive nonetheless. She's the dark horse of the competition, and for someone who acts all masculine all the time I think she has a lovely soft feminine face at times. Oh god, listen to me!
Nicole - she always seems kind of bored with the proceedings, but it's in a hilarious Daria-esque way, like she knows that she's better than everyone. She's absolutely stunning in the way that the other women aren't (sorry, y'all), and I think she is the best.
And finally-
I hate that this man is an expert on style.
IDOL:
I'm predicting that Marty Simpson will take out the dubious honour of becoming the first Top 12 reject of the series. He's the most perplexing contestant in the competition in my opinion, I just don't get why he is there. His voice isn't really that special, he is obviously the biggest bogan in the competition (and I mean, like, in the ENTIRE competition, not just the ones remaining), and every time I see him I just want to attack him with scissors. I like to think that this is because he desperately needs a haircut, as it always looks unwashed and gross, and it hangs around his face à la Severus Snape, giving his facial features an oddly squashed look.
Quoth Marty's dad: "I'm a brickie, and his brother's a garbo, so if Marty can make a living as a musician instead of a brickie then good on him."
[Or something, I don't have a VCR, and I can't be arsed taking notes, so nyah.]
In Ben McKenzie's video package thingo, they showed a clip from when he was singing in a musical as a kid and he sounded pretty much exactly the same as he does now. Ha! But seriously folks, I love Ben. Dicko was right with his comment about Ben being the little brother of the competition, you just know that he would share his stuff with you AND let you use his Nintendo Wii when your friends come over after school.
Brianna "cunnilingus rash face" Carpenter did God Only Knows - one of my favourite songs ever since I heard Mandy Moore's cover of it in the opening credits of Saved! - and it was slightly less faux-theatrical than last week, but it was flat most of the way through it, and there were more pitch problems than me playing baseball in PE class. The dress was nice, apart from the superfluous buttons hastily stapled on to the front by - I presume - her mother.
Matt Corby is a vision of perfection, except for the deliberately messed up hair that seems to be all the rage these days. He needs to fix that, and do something about his slouching, but otherwise he was fantastic. I'm glad that Mark Holden has discontinued his use of Touchdown (opting instead for a more sedate 'boo yah!') but I wouldn't have been at all surprised if he had pulled one out after Matt's killer performance of The Scientist.
The rest bored the crap out of me, and one in particular (who we shall call Carl R... no wait, that's too obvious, better make it C Riseley) deserves to be publicly humiliated for choosing to sing Waltzing Matilda.
Okay, firstly Channel Ten - this series is OLD. I remember watching these episodes a full year ago (if not more) on Fox8, and I already know who wins.
However. I am addicted to this show and I have some general points of discussion to share.
... not the least of which is how much I detest Tyra Banks. I wish she would just stick to being a host, but instead she tries to play up her role a bit too much that it repels me, the viewer. Channel Ten keep showing clips of the women's auditions, with one of Tyra Banks acting all stupid for a hand-held camera for some reason, and it just makes me want to give her a Ritalin or two and a time-out. No Tyra! Bad!
Because I'm so progressive and enlightened, here is how I rank the women remaining in the competition from worst to best:
Nik - I don't see what the judges see in her. She's got a weirdly huge forehead, big boofy hair and fake-looking lips. I know that's shallow, but this is a modelling competition, and I am a boy. I'm allowed to make superficial judgements.
Jayla - god, what's with the retarded names? Jayla has great eyes, they remind me of Natalie Imbruglia for some reason, but she is b-to-the-oring.
Bre - I can never understand what this girl is saying because she has this weird husky voice, like she's only just developed the power of speech (or like she's had her larynx jabbed with a spike). She's pretty boring, but prettier than the first two.
Kim - the boyish lesbian. Unconventionally attractive, but attractive nonetheless. She's the dark horse of the competition, and for someone who acts all masculine all the time I think she has a lovely soft feminine face at times. Oh god, listen to me!
Nicole - she always seems kind of bored with the proceedings, but it's in a hilarious Daria-esque way, like she knows that she's better than everyone. She's absolutely stunning in the way that the other women aren't (sorry, y'all), and I think she is the best.
And finally-
I hate that this man is an expert on style.
IDOL:
I'm predicting that Marty Simpson will take out the dubious honour of becoming the first Top 12 reject of the series. He's the most perplexing contestant in the competition in my opinion, I just don't get why he is there. His voice isn't really that special, he is obviously the biggest bogan in the competition (and I mean, like, in the ENTIRE competition, not just the ones remaining), and every time I see him I just want to attack him with scissors. I like to think that this is because he desperately needs a haircut, as it always looks unwashed and gross, and it hangs around his face à la Severus Snape, giving his facial features an oddly squashed look.
Quoth Marty's dad: "I'm a brickie, and his brother's a garbo, so if Marty can make a living as a musician instead of a brickie then good on him."
[Or something, I don't have a VCR, and I can't be arsed taking notes, so nyah.]
In Ben McKenzie's video package thingo, they showed a clip from when he was singing in a musical as a kid and he sounded pretty much exactly the same as he does now. Ha! But seriously folks, I love Ben. Dicko was right with his comment about Ben being the little brother of the competition, you just know that he would share his stuff with you AND let you use his Nintendo Wii when your friends come over after school.
Brianna "cunnilingus rash face" Carpenter did God Only Knows - one of my favourite songs ever since I heard Mandy Moore's cover of it in the opening credits of Saved! - and it was slightly less faux-theatrical than last week, but it was flat most of the way through it, and there were more pitch problems than me playing baseball in PE class. The dress was nice, apart from the superfluous buttons hastily stapled on to the front by - I presume - her mother.
Matt Corby is a vision of perfection, except for the deliberately messed up hair that seems to be all the rage these days. He needs to fix that, and do something about his slouching, but otherwise he was fantastic. I'm glad that Mark Holden has discontinued his use of Touchdown (opting instead for a more sedate 'boo yah!') but I wouldn't have been at all surprised if he had pulled one out after Matt's killer performance of The Scientist.
The rest bored the crap out of me, and one in particular (who we shall call Carl R... no wait, that's too obvious, better make it C Riseley) deserves to be publicly humiliated for choosing to sing Waltzing Matilda.
Labels: ANTM, Australian Idol
posted by Jacob at
11:22 pm
8 Comments:
I've never watched ANTM, because *cries* I don't have Foxtel. But it is totally awesome in the Search for the next PCD way - car crash TV with pretty deluded people.
I didn't see last nights ep but last week when Tyra made it sound like both those girls were leaving and they looked devastated: I would have slapped her after she revealed it was a joke. How mean!
And yeah, am glad some wrote up Idol. I missed the first half hour (which I thought was the first half but was actually only the first quarter). Didn't mind waltzing Matilda Carl - except for this:
'The theme was 'show us who you are' and I thought, you know, I'm Aussie'.
Deep, deep thoughts.
I thought Holly was awful. Her song had two lines of lyrics and a bunch of warbling. Blergh.
And I have got to disargee with you about Brianna's dress. From the waist down: cute! Loved the shoes. Loved the skirt. But the top of it was a big no-no: it sat too low on her chest which gave the impression that her boobs were getting friendly with her navel - not helped by the fact that the top part was the flesh-toned.
I would have preferred a more 'traditional' top half.
I so hope that Animal (Marty) gets the boot tonight. He was so very very average, and has been consistently so, in spite of the heavy pimpage.
And Matt has such a special place in our collective hearts (me, Misses M and H), especially in his school uniform... Not wide shots of MrB unfortunately, but we live in hope.
Holly was woeful. The look and the band pormised so much and she just didn't deliver.
Brianna just strikes me as the ultimate try-hard.
ALL the good teevee happens on sunday nights and i fucking missed it.
i especially wanted to see the cat-fight in ANTM. i know who wins... (cause this season is so damn old) but i really like the lesbot chick.
yeah.
as for idol... only 7 minutes and i'll get all the recap i could possibly take, i would have thought...
Note to self: never make predictions about Idol.
Good to see Patti Newton on crack has gone though. She never really impressed me much either.
I thought she was ok, and last night her song seemed to have more lyrics. All I remember from Sunday night was a lot of 'oohhhahohohaaaah' broken up by instrumental sections. And in a singing competetion: that's bad.
I was all excited when Brianna was in the bottom three though. Damn her not getting booted.
Yeah, but she was paired with Marty Simpson for the announcement, so I found myself in the bizarre position of wanting Brianna to stay.
Why DO they keep showing those audition clips? THE SAME ONES, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. WHY? Especially the one where Tyra says "B-zanks-eezy".
Given this show is old anwyay I already feel like I'm in a time warp, let alone them showing the same bloody audition clip every week....
I know! It's like - what does that MEAN, Tyra? Why are you talking like that? Why is your ebonics so incomprehensible?
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