Squarely arsed readers...

... how good are the promos for Big Brother? I can't get that "I Don't Think So" song out of my head -- not that I'd want to, since it always gives me a little frisson of excitement over the upcoming series. My god. What's happening to me? I'm actually excited about the start of Big Brother for the first time since, like, 2004. The particular ad featuring John Howard giving a radio interview, saying 'get this stupid program off the air' hits exactly the note that the BB producers should be aiming for. I'm naturally sceptical of the planned panel show element of the 2008 series, as it had proved horrendously bad television in the past, but with the promise of an Uncut revival I'm happy to go along with it. Well done, Ten. For once I'm optimistic about your programming schedule.

Continuing my unseemly positive tone, I just would like to say that Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares makes for pretty good viewing. I normally despise cooking shows, which is what I thought this show essentially is, but I found that it was more in the vein of Trinny and Susannah than Jamie Oliver. Except, obviously, for poorly managed restaurants instead of fashion.

Last Thursday's episode featured some former theatre actor who decided to pour all his life savings into a posh restaurant specialising in seafood, situated just several hundred feet from the shore at Brighton. It should be added here that the restaurateur hadn't actually tasted seafood in thirty years, and that the produce his chefs were cooking wasn't actually taken from anywhere near the coast at Brighton. In comes Gordon Ramsay like a tornado of fucks and shits and other delightful words, giving him and his lazy staff a right bollocking. Of the two chefs, an Australian and a Frenchman, neither is sure which is meant to be the Head Chef. Nor do either of them have much of a clue how to cook, and at one point we have Gordon Ramsay throwing away hundreds of dollars worth of crayfish because it had been cooked all wrong.

The attitudes of the staff are pretty funny. They take advantage of the poor restaurant manager, who doesn't seem to realise that everything about his venture is sloppy and pretentious. Like, for example, the decor, which features pieces from a little known local artist. The main centrepiece is a splotchy piece of crap that probably wouldn't have gone up on the fridge if I had brought it home from kindy back in the day, complete with a pair of women's knickers encrusted into the paint. Women's knickers. Encrusted into the paint. You really do feel for the guy, though, in spite of the horrendous decor. Gordon takes him aside to discuss how much money he's losing from the restaurant, and in the torrent of tears that follows I couldn't help but get a bit weepy myself.

Anyway, I shan't be going into it more than that, but I was gently surprised by the show. Shamefully, the only thing I'd heard about it was from this post by Chesty. Oh, and the kerfuffle that arose when some Liberal arsehat wanted it banned because of Gordon's swearing, as if makes any sense at all to watch an entire television show despite not liking it very much and then proceed to use it as political leverage. Um, get a life, pls kthxbai.

Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares airs on Channel Nine at 8.30pm on Thursday nights.