So You Think I've Run Out Of Questions That Start With 'So You Think'? Top 12 and results!

So, it’s top twelve time. Which means we’re nearly at the top ten. At the pointy end. Arroaching the finale. Halfway through the top twenty nearly. Etc. Etc. And for the first time the little Intro bit at the beginning is feeling short and empty and - oh, Rhys, Rhys Rhys, must you wear the tight patterned denim cut-offs in your intro dance? It makes it so damn hard to respect you and love you and make you my new gay best friend.

Natalie is going to prom tonight. But only junior prom – because her big boofy skirt is only knee-length and apparently that’s the rule. It’s a huge night – last chance for top 10, 2 routines each blah blah blah – and let’s meet the judges. Jason comments on Nat’s tu-tu – saying she couldn’t decide what tu-tu wear, and I’m flashing back to the evil bad punning of my year nine commerce teacher. She points out that he’s wearing a powder blue shirt with sequined flowers all over it. Score: Natalie 1, Jason ½ (because secretly I love a bad pun).

I don’t remember what the other two judges say or what they’re wearing – as per usual, but I’m thinking Matt … hat – but we have a guest judge! Kelly Abbey! And in three seconds she proves that despite what Australian Reality TV producers seem to think, it is possible to be female and an articulate judge.

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Kate and Graeme are up first and they get Jazz, which means so far Graeme has had five jazz/contemporary/lyrical styles. This time it’s hard-core thrash Jazz – which means they’re dancing to Guns & Roses ‘Live and Let Die’. It’s by the choreographer who did the ‘swap’ routine, so I’m scared, and it takes me two goes watching it but I think it’s good. It’s … odd. It goes all fast and slow and fast and slow and sometimes it looks really messy but I think that’s mostly intentional.

Kelly points out that Kate is injured and she did brilliantly given this was her first time doing the routine. Matt loved it because it had highs and lows. Bonnie says it should be ‘live and let dance’. Yeah. She’s insightful like that. Jason starts talking about the Dance Family and how it’s great that Australia’s learning what the word ‘chorry’ means. Blah blah blah – did someone tell him to be less constructive?

After the break, we get the first of our surprise challenges. Everyone gets a phone! Surprise! I’m not telling you which phone because they want me to, but it’s by one of the sponsors of the show! Not surprise! And it’s got three songs on it! Surprise! And they have to pick a costume! Surprise! And then choreograph a routine! Surprise!

JD and Rhainnon have choreographed some … weird thing where she’s wearing a big dress and he’s a waiter and then she strips and she’s in little shorts and there’s lots of running around and considering JD is a choreographer, and he choreographed it, he still spends the entire routine looking at his feet and counting.

Nat reminds everyone afterwards that they did it themselves! Yay! No wonder it was average! Jason thinks it was like pro-am choreography on a cruise ship. Thank you, the man returns.

Jemma and Rhys are next. Their phone has a Prince song on it and Rhys asks why he gets the Prince songs, and then they pick ‘Pony’ by Gynuwine. It’s way cute. But I’m so biased they could have come out and done the Hokey Pokey and I’d be all ‘best dance of the night!’ Anyway, they’re equestrian riders and the do lots of little prancy things and some hip-hoppy-poppy moves and then Jemma rides the Rhys pony. For a boy who likes boys, Rhys does very well to bring the sexy with the ladies and I’m guessing he’s like some of the theatre boys I used to know who would not sleep with a girl if you paid them a million dollars, but have pashed every single one of their girly friends, and it makes me love him even more.

Bonnie does this whole ‘we’re not judging the choreography!’ thing, which is annoying, because a) Jason just did and b) it makes it seem like it was really bad, when it was about fifteen times better than JD and Rhiannon’s.

After the break, we get Henry and Vanessa, who draw contemporary and end up with Capoera. Which is a martial art. A dancy martial art, but still a martial art. I took a Capoera lesson a few years ago and my god, I could not walk for about four days afterwards. It’s harder than it looks. In rehearsal, Vanessa pops her shoulder out of its socket. And it hurts. But luckily it just pops back in so all good! Yay for Dancers and the damage they inflict on their bodies on a regular basis!

The routine is pretty crap, really. It’s all over the place and there’s not much dancing and they’re doing it to ‘Piece of Me’ by Britney, so it feels like the wrong tempo for the routine. There are a couple of cool tricks but overall – meh.

Nat says Capoera a few times. Kelly couldn’t find the dance in it and thought it needed to be edgy. Because Kelly is a good judge who … judges. Matt says what I said in the paragraph above this one. Bonnie says that dance is a huge umbrella and it’s a martial art but also a dance and talks about Vanessa’s shoulder. Because Bonnie is a bad judge who … doesn’t judge.

Jason says he struggled to find the dance in that martial arts display, and has nothing to say. Harsh, but fair.

Camilla and Anthony are up next and – ugh! – they get Lambada. It’s the dance of forbidden love and so, in Camilla’s words, there’s a lot of lust between Camilla and Anthony. Anyone else remember Lambada the movie? No? Just me then?

They start out ok and it just goes downhill from there. The Lambada as I know it – from the aforementioned movie – involves lots of hip-grinding and sexy-type stuff. I could jam a beach ball between Camilla and Anthony’s hips at any point during this routine, and they would not notice they’re so far apart. It’s the most polite ‘dance of forbidden love’ I’ve ever seen in my life. Anthony looks as bored as I am. Snore.

Kelly tells Anthony not to scowl and to dance from the inside out, and Camilla to ooze. I think she oozes pain-in-the-arse quite well already. Matt says something about Dirty Dancing – not that there was anything Dirty about that routine. Bonnie enjoyed it. As she would. And then she actually … criticizes both of them. Intelligently. Can she hear me through the TV?

Jason said it was missing a big key element of the Lambada: the sex. Amen! Nat points out that it’s a family show. Heh. The Lambada is ‘having sex with your clothes on’ or – as Bonnie interjects – ‘inappropriate dancing’. Yes, inappropriate. That’s exactly what this routine wasn’t. Except as entertainment.

Demi and Jack get surprise challenge next. They pick a Beyonce song and Beyonce outfits and while choreograph a routine right out of a Beyonce video. It’s cute – Jack mostly is cute – but hardly original. Beyonce did it all better, as much as it pains me to praise her.

It’s Matt’s turn to comment, but not judge (of course). And somehow he manages to do just that. Matt points out that this isn’t ‘so you think you can choreograph’ which has me wondering about the point of this whole surprise challenge.

After the break, it’s Rhys and Jemma in their proper routine. They’re doing Musical Theatre and – what do you know – they get actual musical theatre, with actual music from a musical. Jemma has to learn how to pirouette, because you don’t do that in ballroom. Or something.

The routine is so cheesy and cute silly and I love it. There’s lots of big movements and jazz hands and it’s just one of those awesome routines that puts a big sloppy grin on my face.

Kelly says it’s a unison routine and they have to be as tight as a fishes butt. Ok. She doesn’t say if that actually were as tight as a fishes butt, but she liked it anyway. Jason points out that a fishes butt has to be tight so the water doesn’t get it. Boom Tish. Matt thinks it was really fun, but maybe wanted more fun.

Bonnie totally dismissed how hard these guys have worked by saying they were so lucky with the music and the routine and how could anyone fail at that? Er, hello? Unison as tight as a fishes butt or disaster? The only other couple I think that could kick this would be Kate & Graeme. Jack would ace it but I think Demi would do worse than Jemma. That’s Bonnie’s second comment to Rhys and Jemma tonight that could be very easily misconstrued as an insult. And then she goes on to talk about pirouettes and Billy Eliot and blah blah blah. She’s pissed me off so I don’t care.

Jason says it was his favourite routine of the night, and showed Rhys’s personality without the make-up. Does that mean Rhys will stop with the make-up? Probably not, but we can only hope.

Kate and Graeme get the surprise challenges next. They do this very cute racing thing to ‘pump it’ by The Black Eyed Peas. I like it and I’m even going to go out on a limb and say it’s the best of the surprise challenges. Kate is adorable. I’m so taking Kate and Rhys to the pub once this thing is over.

Kelly does a Mary Murphy and tells them to call the fire brigade because that was hot!

I so so so love that Courtney and Khaly are the new spokespeople for Metamucil. Go fibre for Dance energy!

Rhiannon and JD do their proper routine after the break. And they get hip-hop. Woot! How convenient. Their pre-routine package is an ad for some phone company that lets you download songs to your phone from the interwebs. And no, I’m not saying which one but – again – let’s see who sponsors the show.

They’re popping. And I think they do well, but the routine is just freaking boring. I watched it twice and both times I got distracted by the paintwork on the wall under our lounge room window and missed a chunk of it.

Kelly thinks they did well. Matt thinks there wasn’t enough energy for TV. I am a little wary of his maths. TV sucks out 50% of your energy, so you have to give 150%, he says. Seems right, but … no. If you start at 150, and take out 50%, you get 75. If TV sucks out 50% of your energy and you want to end up with 100, you have to start at 200. Obvs. But I’m sure I’m the only person who cares.

Bonnie is glad Rhiannon wasn’t cute. Jason says they were missing energy and unison and they cut out this bit where he yells something at Rhiannon – which we all know about anyway thanks to the power of the interwebs – which makes Nat’s ‘do you want to say something?’ to Rhiannon at the end make some sort of sense. The wide shot to break shows Jason getting up and walking off. Damn the TV people. Either pretend it never happened or show it. None of this half-in half-out crap. Stupid editing.

Camilla and Anthony’s surprise challenge is next. They do a fight scene to ‘Stronger’ by Kanye West, which is NOT as good a song as everyone seems to think it is, mostly because it’s actually just Kanye West rapping over someone elses song. Camilla tells us all about how she choreographs and I don’t care. There’s a whole lot of Camilla and Anthony trying to get the crowd cheering and interested but it never quite sticks and the actual routine is just cheesy faux boxing moves and suuuuuucks huge quantities of aaaaaarse.

Matt says it looks like they really enjoy dancing together and they’re just giggly and stupid and ‘woo! We have personality!!!’ but they don’t.

Henry and Vanessa do Surprise challenge next. They pick Michael Jackson’s Black or White, and black and white outfits. Their story – Henry as a schoolkid seduced by his teacher – doesn’t fit the outfits OR the music.

Oh, wait. Remember that episode of ‘*random 80’s sitcom* where *random 80’s sitcom star* finds out that their kids teacher moonlights as a cocktail and everyone is all outraged until she explains that teaching pays so badly this is the only way she can make ends meet and there’s a big lesson-learning moment*? Maybe Vanessa is THAT teacher and she forgot to change back into her teacher clothes.

It’s ok, but two things ruin it for everyone. The first being the ripping off of Henry’s shirt – why must we see that again? The second is Henry’s facial expression when the ‘teacher’ gets him. It’s the same face you KNOW he’d have while he was bragging to his friends about getting laid. Ew.

Demi and Jack are the last couple for the night – they draw contemporary. It’s ballistic and high-velocity, apparently, so not angsty. It’s pretty cool – with random little fight elements and lots of throwing around and leaping and stuff, but not boring like it would be if it was Camilla and Anthony doing. I think I like it, but I can’t be 100% sure.

Demi is also wearing a tu-tu, and so Jason makes his joke again. Kelly saw them lose energy at the end and comments on Jack’s expression. Matt thinks it was a little bit too manic, but liked it. Bonnie thinks the routine was too hard for Demi. Diddums. Stupid mean choreographers –

Oh, wait. Stupid Bonnie. Because no-one has had a hard routine outside their comfort zone besides these poor victimized people. Right.

Jason loved the routine, but thinks it was a little under compared to people who dance like that all the time – which is, der! He’s also concerned that we the plebs, the non-members of the dance family, won’t get it.

But I’m sure we’ll try. Just so we can prove him wrong. Especially since he then spends a lovely chunk of time explaining that this show is about diversity and the dance family and blah blah blah and dammit I love the man but he’s getting so into his little dance family thing and I’m feeling all left out because I only lasted 10 weeks at LA Talent School when I was twelve.

And that’s the show. Vote early. Vote often. Or … don’t. Because it’s probably a bit late …

… Given the results show is being recapped –

Now.

First up is the group routine and it’s freaking awesome and wonderful and delicate and sweet and pretty and really just the loveliest thing I’ve seen on this show. It’s so lovely I can’t even snark on it in any way. It’s by Kelly Abbey, which makes it two from two for her and I think she should just choreograph everything. EVERYTHING. Ever. On this show. Everything. The whole thing should be renamed ‘So You Think You Can Dance Kelly Abbey’s Choreography?’

And also – why is it that twelve people can pretty much nail unison, but two people can’t? This show poses all the big questions people …

Nat’s still going to prom, but tonight it’s booby prom. And there’s the usual chatter about how the judges hate Monday and how they’re so glad it’s the last time they have to do this.

First up to go through the recap-and-recap-of-recap-and-verdict mill tonight are JD & Rhiannon vs Jack and Demi. This is about as suspenseful as Playschool, and JD and Rhiannon are in the bottom three. Or, as Natalie puts it, Jack and Demi are in the Top Ten, meaning they get to jump and squeal and be all cheery while the losers just stand there being ignored.

After the break, Rhys and Jemma come up against Camilla and Anthony and for fucks sake people, at least freaking TRY. If Jack & Demi vs JD and Rhiannon was Playschool, Rhys & Jemma vs Camilla & Anthony is Pooh-bah. No, really. If you need to be told whether ‘best routine of the night, never been in the bottom three and just totally awesome and insanely popular’ or ‘boring and annoying and boring and quite familiar with the bottom three and so crap last night’ will be in the bottom three, you obviously haven’t been paying attention.

Strangely enough, Natalie gushes over Rhys and Jemma getting to the top ten without being in the bottom three. She calls it a ‘world record or something’ … while Jack and Demi stand in the wings with their hands up yelling ‘Us too! Us too! And Sabra and Dominic! And probably others! But us too! Three minutes ago! Literally! We just did that too and we got nothing!’

Or not, but they should.

Finally, it’s Kate & Graeme vs Henry and Vanessa, and we all know who *should* be in the bottom three, but tonight – Australia gets it wrong, and Kate and Graeme go down, which makes Matt mad. It’s ok, honey. You can save them.

And then it’s time for the dancing for your life. Or the dancing for yourself, which is what the judges want tonight.

Rhiannon dances for herself, or – more so – for the boys. She’s got some weird stomach thing going on. It’s much more pronounced tonight and I’m worried she’s malnourished or something because … weird.

JD is next and he’s ok. As usual. It’s the same old thing but I will give him a teeny bit of credit for at least making half an effort to put a bit more energy into it.

Camilla’s a big old fat mess, just like last week – and Anthony goes angsty this week – just like last week! His angst is so … icky.

Kate is all over the place, but in a good way. It’s not coherent, but it’s pleasant to watch and a bit of fun.

Graeme is last and he does angsty and leapy, and it’s not icky like it was with Anthony. I … actually like it, easy ride through to the top ten or not.

And as usual the judges go away to deliberate. Tonight’s musical guest is KT Tunstall, who really should have done ‘Suddenly I See’ and I don’t care if it’s old or not what she’s promoting this week or overplayed or whatever - it’s a SYTYCD institution.

After the break and the usual shot of the judges standing around and trying to get their stories straight about what they’ve been doing, it’s elimination time. Dum dum DUM!

The girls go first, and Kate gets safed like we all knew she would because Camilla and Rhiannon are both fifteen times suckier and even Jason knows that.

I don’t care which one of these two goes, but I’d almost prefer Rhainnon, because that just means Camilla would get caned by the public next week, while Rhiannon actually had *gulp* fans.

Alas, the judges haven’t considered this. Bonnie probably stood backstage and stamped her little feet about Rhiannon and everyone else just gave up, so Rhainnon stays, while Camilla gets sent packing.

Oh boy. That means she gets to make a speech. And make a speech she does. She manages to at once thank and patronize every single person involved in the competition - from the dancers to the judges to the freaking crew.

I feel for her, in a way. She seemed to hold such a strong belief that she should win this thing that she’s probably right now looking for any excuse as to why she didn’t to hold her fragile ego together. And she probably doesn’t realize that treating the remaining dancers like they’re the ones that got eliminated when she says ‘I believe in all of you! You’ll go far!’ isn’t the right way to do it, but it makes her feel superior, and validated – so whatevs. And they will go far, right into the top ten, in fact. Which she will watch on television.

To my surprise, nearly everyone is in tears. So I guess Camilla’s personality, like JD’s dancing, loses something through the TV screen.

Ok, enough of that. Jason finds it difficult to speak after such a humble and heartfelt speech – and even though he’s a bit red around the eyes my sarcasm meter picked up traces of activity as he said the words ‘humble’ and ‘heartfelt’.

Next up are the boys. Graeme is safe first, which is just yay. Kate & Graeme forevs! Or, until final four! Except not, because next week it’s couple swapping time. D’oh!

Now it’s down to JD and Anthony, and like with the girls, I don’t really care who goes but I’d prefer Anthony, because he’s so damn smug and it’s like he’s given up lip balm while he’s on the show and he really, really needs lip balm.

But JD goes. So much for diversity, judges. Anthony does his luggy walk back to the others, probably confident of ultimate victory now, and I’m comforted by the knowledge that next week it’s Australia’s turn to vote, and there’s no way Anthony is outvoting Graeme, Rhys, Jack or Henry – sole Queenslander or not – so we only have one week left of him.

JD’s leaving package is actually mostly quite moving. He was a shitty dancer, but probably not a bad person. I’m kind of confused though, as to why, of all the judges comments and quotes and footage they could have used, they chose to play Jason saying ‘you’re the kind of dancer that could make the biggest mistake ever, and no-one would even notice’ over footage of that disastrous tango.

Did he really need reminding of that moment at this – his – moment? It’s funny, but it’s actually also kind of mean.

Eh.

So that’s the top ten. Rhys, Jack, Graeme, Henry., Anthony, Vanessa, Kate, Demi, Rhiannon and Jemma. As the judges say, we’re going to be losing good dancers every week now. Except next time, when we will only lose one good dancer and an annoying acrobat.

Next week is a recap show – and if you want recap of recap I’m afraid you’re going to have to hound ActonB. I’m moving house and probably going offline for a couple of weeks in the process. Damn ADSL and it’s non-instant connection.

Um, what do people without interwebs do with their time? Help!


* I’m actually not making that up. I just wish I could remember whether it was Diff’rent Strokes of Full House. Or both.