So You Think - SMS RHYS TO 191010 - You Can - SMS RHYS TO 191010 - Dance? Final Four? Yeah?
Wow. That was a scare. I just popped my SYTYCD tape in and pressed play and an episode of Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares – the UK Version, at least – started up. Oh noes? After this many weeks of faithful recording and recapping, have I finally fucked it all up? Is this going to be my first full from-memory recap?
Er. No. Patience is apparently my friend, and ten minutes into the tape here are Jack! And Demi! Kate! And Rhys (in an outfit I would find appalling on anyone else … all fluro and purple tights and like the 80’s threw up on themselves)! And it’s top four night. The grand final! But not the grand finale …
Jason is excited, because he’s got a brown velvet version of Matt’s hat – to which Matt says ‘Meh’ because he’s a totally l337 haXXor who knows what all the kids are saying these days. Bonnie is back from her all-too short trip, and thankful of Vanessa and Graeme. Er, who? Oh, and apparently, she’s discovered the final four can all …. DANCE!* Please, producers, shoot her before the next season. No, forget that - shoot her now. I don’t have the patience for witticisms tonight. I just want Bonnie gone.
read the rest
So there are no packages tonight which I think is awesome, but apparently is generally upsetting, according to the many SYTYCD fora I waste my days on. So, because I’m lovely, I’m going to insert a package here. Those on Team No Packages can skip it. Those on Team Packages can just scroll back up before each dance and drop in the genre.
Girl picks random boy out of hat. Sqeals of false surprise. Boy then draws style out of hat. Most likely hip hop. More squeals. One partner: Oh, I’ve been hanging out to do ____ all season [Chesty: You danced it last week, dufus!]! Other partner: _____? What’s _____? [Chesty: You danced it last week, dufus! It’s your specialty!] This is so scary. Boy and Girl meet choreographer. Girl: I love Choreographer - (s)he’s so awesome and amazing. Choreographer: Ok, so today we’re doing _____, but we’re going to mix it up a bit, with some hip-hop! A kind of spicy, sexy, modern _____! Footage of rehearsal (including lifts). Boy: These lifts are so hard! I hope I don’t drop her! Girl: So we did this one lift, and he totally dropped me! This is so hard! Choreograher: They’re going to have to forget everything they know about _____ - this is going to be something Australia has never seen before. I’m a bit worried that Boy is going to drop Girl on her face. But I’m sure they’ll be fine. Girl laughs nervously: If I don’t end up with a broken neck, this is going to be fine! Cue audience cheer and back to Nat.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
And first up are Jack and Demi, doing a Jason Gilkinson Cha Cha. It’s ok – very fun, so there’s lots of cheering and stuff, as well as an obligatory Finale Play To The Judges. I don’t really need to tell you that Jack outdances Demi, do I?
Matt says wow wow wow and that Demi can wear heels now. Look kids, I can wear heels too. They hurt and they suck and I hate them. But I can wear them. And sometimes I can look fabulous in them. Can I have $200,000 and a trip to the US now? Bonnie goes on about how Demi is Woman and can achieve anything**. Jason is all about the joy and then is all ‘now, time for notes’ before some pimping of Jack and Demi – who, er, eats it up with her face, because Jason is he constructive judge, yeah?
After the break – namely, meeting the charming Pauline Hanson fan that we’re going to vote out of the Big Brother house in two weeks, and that kinda fun Boost ad with the people in squirrel outfits which I like despite it being kinda lame, because I, too, want the funk (and nutty, nutty chocolate bars ...) – it’s time for Rhys and Kate.
This is a hip-hop routine by Supple, and it’s kind of … miss. Which is very hard for me to say, but unfortunately it’s one of those routines that is all about the unison, and the unison is just a little bit off. Not, mind you, as off as it was last week in Jack & Demi’s ‘This routine is all about the unison’ routine – which if you’ll remember, barely got mentioned by the judges, blinded as they were by their amazement that Demi was wearing shoes.
On the bright side, the costumes are cute – as has been established many times this season, Rhys does incredible things to tight black pants and knee-high boots.
Matt says he thought it was great but there were unsion issues in the second half, and other than that there were unison issues. Oookay. Bonnie said it was intricate. Jason compliments Supple and goes into yet another one of his ‘I’m a dance wanker and you, viewer of our here dance show, are a total n00b’ speeches about how we non-dancers at home have to understand that he knows everything and we know nothing and in a way what he’s saying is one of those backhanded compliments I never know how to take (maybe because I’m a non-dancer): That was harder than it looked, so be kind to the losers who fucked up the unison.
Hey, I love those losers. They’re my favourite losers on the show!
After the break it’s time for Demi and Rhys to do contemporary. Finally Rhys gets something in his own style. About time, stupid show. And of course he’s awesome – but because he’s not being pimped to win this, we miss most of the awesome due to the tragic ineptitude of the camera crews.
Matt says they’ve had a big week and Demi tried really hard. Aw. Still with the Demi tries hard. Matt says Rhys’s ‘jump to second’ was awesome, and we get a clip of it – which is nice because it got cut out of the actual performance in favour of a shot of Demi trying. Bonnie thinks that it’s amazing that Demi can dance in any sort of footwear. Or none at all, Rhys points out. She tries to be amused, but just … isn’t. Aw. Rhys made fun of Bonnie. Just another reason he HAS to win this.
Jason says Rhys has been waiting and good things come to those who waits, and that Demi owned it and has hot legs and a hot arse. Rhys jokes like the compliment is for him and it’s all very funny funny ha ha forced because of all the people involved in this little exchange only one actually has a personality.
No, guess which one!
Then it’s time for Jack and Kate to do jazz, which is really just contemporary in disguise. He’s a solider and she’s his lady with a peace-sign on a flag. I read somewhere before the show that this was the routine of the night, which might explain why I’m underwhelmed. It was good, but … in the words of Matt the hat-wearer, meh.
Matt the hat wearer says it was great and they had a great connection. Bonnie attempts yet another pun about the name of the song and the dancers and something and there’s a bit of polite clapping from the crowd because it’s just embarrassing, y’all – she’s so useless. Jason attempts his own season-long shtick: you know, the serious face as though he’s going to tell them it’s shit but then it turns out he thinks it’s fabulous and everyone cheers.
I never thought I would say this, but I’m so glad this season is nearly over. I'm becoming way too cynical and jaded. Also, I want to recap
The Pussycat Dolls Presents: Girlicious and I'm too busy to be doing both.
And then it’s time for Demi and Kate to dance – they do a Charlie Chaplain and Copper routine. I think it’s another Supple routine … but it’s not very good so who knows. That said, It’s kinda funny making the best female dancer do a routine with one of the weakest. Just in case anyone had any doubts …
Matt says that he would have liked to have seen them dance as girls, and I see what he means. It’s the GIRLS DANCE. And they’re dressed as boys. Stupid. Bonnie says that it’s amazing they’ve gone from tin soldiers to cha cha to barefoot to blah blah blah. Jason says the routine was cute but doesn’t give him anything to do at this stage of the competition – in that he can’t judge them against each other.
Which is dumb. Because, um, Kate cleaned the floor with Demi. And then dusted the furniture. And also because it’s final four, which means it’s no longer girls v girls and boys v boys, so really, he should have has been like ‘Demi, Jack is waaay better than you!’ and ‘Rhys, it’s like you were the only person on the stage your partner was so far behind!’ And also also, as someone else pointed out when we were discussing this the other day, it’s not about Australia’s best dancer, it’s about Australia’s favourite dancer, so Jason, shut up, yeah?
And then we have the real highlight of the evening. Jack and Rhys is a musical theatre number so camp that it, apparently, gave Jacob AIDS. It’s freaking awesome and I love them both. But mostly Rhys, because he does the best cheesy musical theatre face and because, well, he’s awesome.
Matt says it showed how strong they both were in that genre. I think that maybe, like me, Matt would have loved this routine even more if it had ended with a big old man-pash. Bonnie says the comraderie was awesome and they do a big cuddle for the camera and I get confused. Is this SYTYCD or the social pages of the Sydney Star Observer? So much awesome gay.
Jason loved the Cossack runs. We all loved the Cossack runs. He says Rhys is very safe on the core of his centre or something and that Jack has more flow in his hips and shoulders, so he came out (and a million teenage girls who had plans to become Mrs Jack begin to weep, silent devastated tears while the rest of us exclaim that we knew that) on top (Oh FFS, it’s family hour … must we go there?) – and I direct you all to that whole thing three paragraphs up.
Ie. Jason, shut up, yeah?
After the break, it’s time for the group routine. Which is Latino Hip-Hop (because there hasn’t been enough hip-hop tonight …). Um, no. Of course they’re not trying to make Demi look good by making this final group dance evah in her style. Or, if they are, they needn’t have bothered. She spends most of it three or four moves behind everyone else.
And after all that last-minute pimping of Jack and Demi, it’s time for us to vote. The bad news is that the voting lines are staying open until 8.10 next Sunday night. That’s 40 minutes of Grand finale which you all know is just going to be a big old Jack-fest and pretty much ensures that it’s going to be a long, long filler-filled night of mostly crud – given that it’s been revealed that there will be no Rhys/Jemma routines performed at all (I could shout conspiracy theory from the rooftops, but I’m sure it’s perfectly fair … surely Jack won’t be dancing with Demi at any point, either? Right? In the interests of fairness and all?) - with a result at about, oh, five past ten? If we’re lucky and we don’t have a Big Brother-style ‘voting meltdown’?
And we’ll all be glued to our screens the entire time, sad Reality TV addicts that we are …
Don’t forget: RHYS to 191010. As many times as you can afford.
Because I said so. Yeah?
*Except Demi. Let’s be honest here people.
** Except winning. Let’s be honest here.
Er. No. Patience is apparently my friend, and ten minutes into the tape here are Jack! And Demi! Kate! And Rhys (in an outfit I would find appalling on anyone else … all fluro and purple tights and like the 80’s threw up on themselves)! And it’s top four night. The grand final! But not the grand finale …
Jason is excited, because he’s got a brown velvet version of Matt’s hat – to which Matt says ‘Meh’ because he’s a totally l337 haXXor who knows what all the kids are saying these days. Bonnie is back from her all-too short trip, and thankful of Vanessa and Graeme. Er, who? Oh, and apparently, she’s discovered the final four can all …. DANCE!* Please, producers, shoot her before the next season. No, forget that - shoot her now. I don’t have the patience for witticisms tonight. I just want Bonnie gone.
read the rest
So there are no packages tonight which I think is awesome, but apparently is generally upsetting, according to the many SYTYCD fora I waste my days on. So, because I’m lovely, I’m going to insert a package here. Those on Team No Packages can skip it. Those on Team Packages can just scroll back up before each dance and drop in the genre.
Girl picks random boy out of hat. Sqeals of false surprise. Boy then draws style out of hat. Most likely hip hop. More squeals. One partner: Oh, I’ve been hanging out to do ____ all season [Chesty: You danced it last week, dufus!]! Other partner: _____? What’s _____? [Chesty: You danced it last week, dufus! It’s your specialty!] This is so scary. Boy and Girl meet choreographer. Girl: I love Choreographer - (s)he’s so awesome and amazing. Choreographer: Ok, so today we’re doing _____, but we’re going to mix it up a bit, with some hip-hop! A kind of spicy, sexy, modern _____! Footage of rehearsal (including lifts). Boy: These lifts are so hard! I hope I don’t drop her! Girl: So we did this one lift, and he totally dropped me! This is so hard! Choreograher: They’re going to have to forget everything they know about _____ - this is going to be something Australia has never seen before. I’m a bit worried that Boy is going to drop Girl on her face. But I’m sure they’ll be fine. Girl laughs nervously: If I don’t end up with a broken neck, this is going to be fine! Cue audience cheer and back to Nat.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
And first up are Jack and Demi, doing a Jason Gilkinson Cha Cha. It’s ok – very fun, so there’s lots of cheering and stuff, as well as an obligatory Finale Play To The Judges. I don’t really need to tell you that Jack outdances Demi, do I?
Matt says wow wow wow and that Demi can wear heels now. Look kids, I can wear heels too. They hurt and they suck and I hate them. But I can wear them. And sometimes I can look fabulous in them. Can I have $200,000 and a trip to the US now? Bonnie goes on about how Demi is Woman and can achieve anything**. Jason is all about the joy and then is all ‘now, time for notes’ before some pimping of Jack and Demi – who, er, eats it up with her face, because Jason is he constructive judge, yeah?
After the break – namely, meeting the charming Pauline Hanson fan that we’re going to vote out of the Big Brother house in two weeks, and that kinda fun Boost ad with the people in squirrel outfits which I like despite it being kinda lame, because I, too, want the funk (and nutty, nutty chocolate bars ...) – it’s time for Rhys and Kate.
This is a hip-hop routine by Supple, and it’s kind of … miss. Which is very hard for me to say, but unfortunately it’s one of those routines that is all about the unison, and the unison is just a little bit off. Not, mind you, as off as it was last week in Jack & Demi’s ‘This routine is all about the unison’ routine – which if you’ll remember, barely got mentioned by the judges, blinded as they were by their amazement that Demi was wearing shoes.
On the bright side, the costumes are cute – as has been established many times this season, Rhys does incredible things to tight black pants and knee-high boots.
Matt says he thought it was great but there were unsion issues in the second half, and other than that there were unison issues. Oookay. Bonnie said it was intricate. Jason compliments Supple and goes into yet another one of his ‘I’m a dance wanker and you, viewer of our here dance show, are a total n00b’ speeches about how we non-dancers at home have to understand that he knows everything and we know nothing and in a way what he’s saying is one of those backhanded compliments I never know how to take (maybe because I’m a non-dancer): That was harder than it looked, so be kind to the losers who fucked up the unison.
Hey, I love those losers. They’re my favourite losers on the show!
After the break it’s time for Demi and Rhys to do contemporary. Finally Rhys gets something in his own style. About time, stupid show. And of course he’s awesome – but because he’s not being pimped to win this, we miss most of the awesome due to the tragic ineptitude of the camera crews.
Matt says they’ve had a big week and Demi tried really hard. Aw. Still with the Demi tries hard. Matt says Rhys’s ‘jump to second’ was awesome, and we get a clip of it – which is nice because it got cut out of the actual performance in favour of a shot of Demi trying. Bonnie thinks that it’s amazing that Demi can dance in any sort of footwear. Or none at all, Rhys points out. She tries to be amused, but just … isn’t. Aw. Rhys made fun of Bonnie. Just another reason he HAS to win this.
Jason says Rhys has been waiting and good things come to those who waits, and that Demi owned it and has hot legs and a hot arse. Rhys jokes like the compliment is for him and it’s all very funny funny ha ha forced because of all the people involved in this little exchange only one actually has a personality.
No, guess which one!
Then it’s time for Jack and Kate to do jazz, which is really just contemporary in disguise. He’s a solider and she’s his lady with a peace-sign on a flag. I read somewhere before the show that this was the routine of the night, which might explain why I’m underwhelmed. It was good, but … in the words of Matt the hat-wearer, meh.
Matt the hat wearer says it was great and they had a great connection. Bonnie attempts yet another pun about the name of the song and the dancers and something and there’s a bit of polite clapping from the crowd because it’s just embarrassing, y’all – she’s so useless. Jason attempts his own season-long shtick: you know, the serious face as though he’s going to tell them it’s shit but then it turns out he thinks it’s fabulous and everyone cheers.
I never thought I would say this, but I’m so glad this season is nearly over. I'm becoming way too cynical and jaded. Also, I want to recap
The Pussycat Dolls Presents: Girlicious and I'm too busy to be doing both.
And then it’s time for Demi and Kate to dance – they do a Charlie Chaplain and Copper routine. I think it’s another Supple routine … but it’s not very good so who knows. That said, It’s kinda funny making the best female dancer do a routine with one of the weakest. Just in case anyone had any doubts …
Matt says that he would have liked to have seen them dance as girls, and I see what he means. It’s the GIRLS DANCE. And they’re dressed as boys. Stupid. Bonnie says that it’s amazing they’ve gone from tin soldiers to cha cha to barefoot to blah blah blah. Jason says the routine was cute but doesn’t give him anything to do at this stage of the competition – in that he can’t judge them against each other.
Which is dumb. Because, um, Kate cleaned the floor with Demi. And then dusted the furniture. And also because it’s final four, which means it’s no longer girls v girls and boys v boys, so really, he should have has been like ‘Demi, Jack is waaay better than you!’ and ‘Rhys, it’s like you were the only person on the stage your partner was so far behind!’ And also also, as someone else pointed out when we were discussing this the other day, it’s not about Australia’s best dancer, it’s about Australia’s favourite dancer, so Jason, shut up, yeah?
And then we have the real highlight of the evening. Jack and Rhys is a musical theatre number so camp that it, apparently, gave Jacob AIDS. It’s freaking awesome and I love them both. But mostly Rhys, because he does the best cheesy musical theatre face and because, well, he’s awesome.
Matt says it showed how strong they both were in that genre. I think that maybe, like me, Matt would have loved this routine even more if it had ended with a big old man-pash. Bonnie says the comraderie was awesome and they do a big cuddle for the camera and I get confused. Is this SYTYCD or the social pages of the Sydney Star Observer? So much awesome gay.
Jason loved the Cossack runs. We all loved the Cossack runs. He says Rhys is very safe on the core of his centre or something and that Jack has more flow in his hips and shoulders, so he came out (and a million teenage girls who had plans to become Mrs Jack begin to weep, silent devastated tears while the rest of us exclaim that we knew that) on top (Oh FFS, it’s family hour … must we go there?) – and I direct you all to that whole thing three paragraphs up.
Ie. Jason, shut up, yeah?
After the break, it’s time for the group routine. Which is Latino Hip-Hop (because there hasn’t been enough hip-hop tonight …). Um, no. Of course they’re not trying to make Demi look good by making this final group dance evah in her style. Or, if they are, they needn’t have bothered. She spends most of it three or four moves behind everyone else.
And after all that last-minute pimping of Jack and Demi, it’s time for us to vote. The bad news is that the voting lines are staying open until 8.10 next Sunday night. That’s 40 minutes of Grand finale which you all know is just going to be a big old Jack-fest and pretty much ensures that it’s going to be a long, long filler-filled night of mostly crud – given that it’s been revealed that there will be no Rhys/Jemma routines performed at all (I could shout conspiracy theory from the rooftops, but I’m sure it’s perfectly fair … surely Jack won’t be dancing with Demi at any point, either? Right? In the interests of fairness and all?) - with a result at about, oh, five past ten? If we’re lucky and we don’t have a Big Brother-style ‘voting meltdown’?
And we’ll all be glued to our screens the entire time, sad Reality TV addicts that we are …
Don’t forget: RHYS to 191010. As many times as you can afford.
Because I said so. Yeah?
*Except Demi. Let’s be honest here people.
** Except winning. Let’s be honest here.
Labels: SYTYCD
posted by MissE at
8:57 pm
4 Comments:
I haven't watched much of this show - but I fell in love with Rhys when he did that number where he was dressed as a vampire. I thought he was really hot.
And then I saw him the next week and realised that hmmmm, maybe he isn't so hot. In fact, maybe he's really not hot.
But by the end I've come to the conclusion that he's both things at the same time. He's camp, effeminate, a bit fugly - but incredibly sexy.
I might just send in a few SMSes.
This is some of the funniest yet truest shit I have read in a long time. Can I please quote you in my thesis?
NO WAY, DEMI ROOLZ.
Nick - I know exactly what you're saying. He's hot. But he's not. I think a lot of the hot is the boots and tight black pants ...
Felix for Zosia - Why thank you! And of course ... so long as your thesis isn't solely about amateur recapping hacks polluting the interwebs with twaddle ...
Jacob - Does. Not. Demi is mediocrity. Cos I said so.
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