Die, Carson Kressley, die.*
Big Brother
Carson Kressley is going into the house tonight, so naturally I've stocked up on razor blades and drawn a nice, hot bath, and am all prepared. I hope he doesn't try to molest Corey -- you know how homosexuals can't control their filthy predilections around vigorous young go-getters like that. And anyway, I barsed him first. I thought I might challenge him to a handstand competition, after which we'd fall in a pile on the floor, and we'd laugh jovially and my hand would come to rest on his leg, and it'd be awkward for a second, and then he laughs, and I laugh, and we lean in for a kiss...
Yes, I am a thirteen year old girl hopped up on Dolly magazines.
God, now I've forgotten what I was going to bitch about, besides Carson Kressley. Well, the eviction last Sunday revealed several HUGE weaknesses in the new'n'improved sans Gretel Big Brother format, not the least of which was the obvious confusion with the names of housemates being regurgitated back into the house via the revolving door. That sucked. The actual evictee was totally deserved - Saxon just irks me. Even before this season started I commented privately that he looked a bit Crabbe/Goyle-ish and possibly missing a chromosome or two, which I never publicly articulated because I thought it was overly mean, even for a big bitching queen like me. But he is everything that I thought, and more. I don't buy for a second that he just happened to change just like that his former racist tendencies.
I cannot believe that I missed the first half of Big Mouth. I think I need a planner or something. Or, you know, a little innovation called TiVo. You know TiVo - it's that thing you heard about from that episode of Sex and the City but which has never actually made its way to the southern hemisphere for no good reason at all. We are so backward here in Australia that the computer I'm typing this on is actually just a typewriter that I connected to the internet using popsticks, pipecleaners and Klag clue. The pipecleaners are mostly for aesthetic value.
What I did manage to see of Big Mouth seemed more of the same as last week, only this time Rory seems to have gotten his dick out. There was a time when I would surreptitiously salivate over this late at night when I was fourteen or so, but that time has well and truly passed. What a disappointing package. Paul wasn't on the panel, which is just a fraction of the total number of changes they needed to make, but I'm hoping that Rebecca Wilson is next. Chrissie is officially my favourite panelist, I've decided. Does anyone remember when Chrissie was in the house in 2003, and someone behind the mirrors made some remark about her being fat, which she heard, and there was this whole investigation and the person responsible was fired (or reprimanded or something)?
The Catherine Tate Show
In one of my more recent drafts for this blog I bitched about the ABC's decision to air this absolutely Brit-larious show at the patently ridiculous time of 11.20pm on a Friday night, right after Lateline. I made some sarcastic comment about how Lauren Cooper and Tony Jones go together as well as Anthony Callea does with a fist - don't quiz me on that one 'cause I'm still baffled. Anyway - I learned recently that ABC is airing the new (I hope) series at the normal time of Wednesday night at 9.30pm. Yay!
UPDATE: ... but I didn't get to see it tonight because SOMEBODY interfered with my DVD recorder. We'll see who stands in the way of me and my inappropriate use of office equipment!
* Er, it's German, for "the Carson Kressley, the".
Carson Kressley is going into the house tonight, so naturally I've stocked up on razor blades and drawn a nice, hot bath, and am all prepared. I hope he doesn't try to molest Corey -- you know how homosexuals can't control their filthy predilections around vigorous young go-getters like that. And anyway, I barsed him first. I thought I might challenge him to a handstand competition, after which we'd fall in a pile on the floor, and we'd laugh jovially and my hand would come to rest on his leg, and it'd be awkward for a second, and then he laughs, and I laugh, and we lean in for a kiss...
Yes, I am a thirteen year old girl hopped up on Dolly magazines.
God, now I've forgotten what I was going to bitch about, besides Carson Kressley. Well, the eviction last Sunday revealed several HUGE weaknesses in the new'n'improved sans Gretel Big Brother format, not the least of which was the obvious confusion with the names of housemates being regurgitated back into the house via the revolving door. That sucked. The actual evictee was totally deserved - Saxon just irks me. Even before this season started I commented privately that he looked a bit Crabbe/Goyle-ish and possibly missing a chromosome or two, which I never publicly articulated because I thought it was overly mean, even for a big bitching queen like me. But he is everything that I thought, and more. I don't buy for a second that he just happened to change just like that his former racist tendencies.
I cannot believe that I missed the first half of Big Mouth. I think I need a planner or something. Or, you know, a little innovation called TiVo. You know TiVo - it's that thing you heard about from that episode of Sex and the City but which has never actually made its way to the southern hemisphere for no good reason at all. We are so backward here in Australia that the computer I'm typing this on is actually just a typewriter that I connected to the internet using popsticks, pipecleaners and Klag clue. The pipecleaners are mostly for aesthetic value.
What I did manage to see of Big Mouth seemed more of the same as last week, only this time Rory seems to have gotten his dick out. There was a time when I would surreptitiously salivate over this late at night when I was fourteen or so, but that time has well and truly passed. What a disappointing package. Paul wasn't on the panel, which is just a fraction of the total number of changes they needed to make, but I'm hoping that Rebecca Wilson is next. Chrissie is officially my favourite panelist, I've decided. Does anyone remember when Chrissie was in the house in 2003, and someone behind the mirrors made some remark about her being fat, which she heard, and there was this whole investigation and the person responsible was fired (or reprimanded or something)?
The Catherine Tate Show
In one of my more recent drafts for this blog I bitched about the ABC's decision to air this absolutely Brit-larious show at the patently ridiculous time of 11.20pm on a Friday night, right after Lateline. I made some sarcastic comment about how Lauren Cooper and Tony Jones go together as well as Anthony Callea does with a fist - don't quiz me on that one 'cause I'm still baffled. Anyway - I learned recently that ABC is airing the new (I hope) series at the normal time of Wednesday night at 9.30pm. Yay!
UPDATE: ... but I didn't get to see it tonight because SOMEBODY interfered with my DVD recorder. We'll see who stands in the way of me and my inappropriate use of office equipment!
* Er, it's German, for "the Carson Kressley, the".
Labels: Big Brother, The Catherine Tate Show
posted by Jacob at
5:12 pm
4 Comments:
Corey is MINE Jacob. You keep your hands off. You can have one of his friends - the ones who ran around the streets on the morning after his party with nothing but their hands covering their genitals.
Oh, and if you miss any BB and want to catch up, then there's this convenient website here:
http://bbcouchpotatoes.blogspot.com/
I hope Dixie is voted off next. The girl makes me ashamed to be obese. Stop eating!!!
Oh god, it's even worse than I thought.
(I LOVE Dixie!)
BB was really scraping the bottom of the barrel with Carson Kressley. Yikes.
Big Brother 09? I don't think so.
And did you hear Travis's views on homosexuality during the daily show? The poor guy. He seriously thinks he can just "choose" to be straight.
At the risk of being arrested, strip-searched and anally probed by Teh Interwebs Police for making excess comments on a single thread ... I just have to add that I don't think you missed much re Catherine Tate.
The new episode was a real hit and miss affair. Mostly misses. The thing about character-based sketch shows is it's really challenging to come up with fresh ways for the characters to deliver their catch-phrases and trademark jokes.
It was all looking a bit stale I have to say.
I admire CT for her characters though - she really embodies them. Except for Lauren, who just looks like a forty year old trying to play a 16 year old. It's all a bit Kylie Moll to be honest.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home