BB, Loser, Neighbours.

It's my birfday, yaaaay!

Big Brother: Something very weird happened the other day. After seeing the promo for the third housemate, Travis, I struggled to think of who his voice reminded me of. I finished work, went for a stroll down the Mall, made a beeline for the bookstores and the fancy men's stores that are overpriced and make me feel a bit inadequate. Then I saw a familiar woman wrangling her kids, and I heard her voice, and it hit me. Travis sounds exactly like the woman who taught my Economics class for three weeks in year twelve. And suddenly, in my microcosm of a world, there is a competitor for the world's most noxiously irritating voice. It'll probably be the case that he'll become beloved in the house in an ironic way (aw, Travis the jockey with the high voice!), but Travis is THAT offensive to my senses (sight and sound) that I'm not even going to give him the chance to be ironically likeable.

Oh, and he's a virgin. *Stifled laughter*.

The Biggest Loser: I always seem to get enthusiastic about Loser right at the very end. I just don't have the patience to follow the progress of each contestant or pretend to be excited about the million-and-one shock twists, and - I can't get around this point - without Bob and Gillian it just isn't the same.

Anyway, like clockwork I've gotten into this season, right at the end. My favourites this season are Alison and Sam. Alison I like because she's kind of pretty in the face, and I love the way she speaks. She strikes me as being really level-headed and universally likeable; she's soft and squidgy (both in appearance and personality) but she's also very strong and people respect her. I can't really describe it much better than that. I was just about in tears when Alison was reading aloud the letter her husband had sent to her. Awwww. Sam I like because he's not overly douche-ey like a lot of the other guys are. I think maybe it's because he's so young, but I've noticed that he hasn't really displayed that tedious alpha-male complex like so many other guys have in the past. That gets might-y boring.

Everybody Needs Good Neighbours: I watched Neighbours the other night, for the first time in several months. Actually, it's been years since I've watched it raptly week after week, but I do catch bits and pieces of it, and I know who most of the characters are. Mostly. But yeah, the Friday episode was so annoying. First, can we talk about Zeke? Zeke is such a tool. The actor who portrays said character is, if humanly possible, even tooly-er. When he delivers his lines you can just see him trying so, SO hard to get it right. When he's not speaking or doing anything, his reactions to the lines of others are always really over-acted and reminiscent of that bitch in your year eleven drama class who thought she was all that, only she wasn't.


But the thing that really sent me over the edge was Ringo and Bridget's (above) "relationship". Now, it's always been clear to me that Bridget is a lesbian. Nobody walks into a hairdresser's and asks for the Missy Higgins 'do without having a propensity for other ladies' 'gineys. And she's a bit of a dumbarse as well, in that vague way that I can't seem to articulate, but you know what I mean. I couldn't have been happier when Susan ran her over in her car. If I were the judge presiding over that case, I would have given Jackie Woodburne a medal, because in my mind, Jackie Woodburne and Susan are the same person. Actually, speaking of whom, I figured out that the voice over in the ads for some suicide hotline is none other than Jackie Woodburne, how's that for random trivia?!

Watching Friday's episode firmly cemented my belief that the writers clearly have no clue about their own characters. Ringo, I have decided, is such a latent poof. I'm not just saying that because I think he's hot and I subconsciously want his character to be gay because it'll bring me that one step further to having him on top of me, because I don't really think he's that hot anyway. He reminds me of Justin from Queer as Folk, that elfin-faced blonde faggot who I hate so much. I'd like to smash that kid. I mean, he just looks gay, which is often the best indicator, but he also wears heaps of tight singlets, is a gym junkie, is dating a lesbian [mutual covering-up of own homosexuality - Freud], and - to close the books entirely on this thorough-as-arse investigation - Ringo has an eating disorder. Mind you, if I ever had to go down on Bridget I would consider it an eating disorder, cue sitcom-esque laughter.

The big revelation to his friends and family about his eating disorder couldn't have been a more obvious allusion to his homosexuality, incidentally. It seemed like the kind of coming-out moment that only the Neighbours writers could manage to come up with, mixing the total obvious with a lame, cliched delivery. They even had a bit where all the shocked loved ones gathered around him to feign a supportive attitude. Why is this show so stupid?



Wow, it's a good thing I have a life and not writing lengthy screeds on Channel Ten's Friday night television line-up, yeah?