So You Think You Can get a recap done in less than a week?

Pre-credits we're straight into our group dance... all the guys in back suits and white shoes. All the girls in black & white stripes and black bobbed wigs. It's kinda mod-meets-Clockwork Orange and it's just awesome! There's even some incredibly artistic work from the Ministry of Silly Walks, performed by (I think) Ricky and Cedric...

It's funky, it's exciting, it's got 'wow' factor... who's it choreo'd by? Wade Robson if course!

And going with the mod theme tonight, Cat is wearing a gorgeous shift dress. I covet it, despite the overwhelming sparkliness. And yet again she shows that nope, she couldn't care less that she can't dance, striding confidently into the middle of the hyper little bunnies...

Our judges tonight are Dan Karaty, Nigel and Mary. Poor Mary - her stylist is becoming ever more confident in her (and it has to be a her, this has unresolved cat-fight written all over it) desire to humiliate her arch enemy on national tv. Tonight she's even got Mary to wear a dress designed to throttle her slowly as the show progresses...

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Ooh! Our Top 20 are reintroduced, then we're treated to a rehearsal/audition montage. It's all very Fame! with lots of jumping, screaming, splits, forward somersaults with extended pike. And baby oil.

First up are Jamie and Hok dancing a hip hop routine. Jamie's a contemporary dancer, with training in ballet, tap, jazz - you name it, she's done it. Hok is a breaker for whom this year is his third time lucky. He's also the cutest and sweetest little Japanese break dancer you''ll ever see in your life. I want one.
Their routine is great - Jamie throws herself into it, and what she loses in technique, she more than gains in attitude. She keeps up with Hok all the way. It's a revelation. The judges are impressed. Good start!

Next up are Anya and Danny.
Anya's been a professional ballroom dancer for the last 17 years. Which would mean she started at 8 years old. Wow. I mean, wow. Her partner is Danny who has a background almost as intense. He's Travis' (from season 2) adopted brother (he was adopted at age 12) and is a classically trained dancer with lots of ballet and whatnot.
They're doing the jive, and man, it is the funkiest jive I've seen in ages. They are rocking it to Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne and despite his initial concerns, Danny is able to take the lead and still keep up with the high kicks. The judges are very happy, with Mary rendered speechless, (although that may be the work of the Dress from Hell) before moving on to a tortured metaphor involving a Hot Tamale Train. That plus the screaming leaves poor Nigel a little dazed and confused.

Time for the first 'I don't know who's doin' it good' contemporary routine from Mia 'This isn't a mullet, it's what happens when mere mortal hairdressers only get half my splendiferous vision' Michaels. And the lambs to the slaughter are Lacey & Kameron.
We get the whole 'Validate me! I'm not my brother!' speech from Lacey, just after she lists her status as National Youth Latin and National Youth Swing champion and professional crumper (wtf?). Wheres Kameron's only claim to fame seems to be that grandmas lurve him! He's an entertainer who does the funky monkey with them, see? Plus, the mohawk, obvs. Der.
Poor Lacey struggles during rehearsals to get even half of Mia's vision, and complains that having to be deliberately technically incorrect is really hard for her. Fortunately they pull it all together and it's pretty damn good. I think. It ticks all the contemporary boxes anyways - with lots of anguished expressions, lots of throwing oneself and ones partner around. Lots of black and moody lighting.... you know how it goes. The judges are suitably gushy. Mia is suitably smug.

Moving right along to that disco beat...
Ah - let's pity poor Sabra and Dominic. They are neither the most technical or experienced of dancers, Sabra having only been training for 4 years, and Dominic being a self-taught B-boy. They both seem so keen to learn though, to expand their knowledge, to be better dancers. It's all about the dancing, which is kind of refreshing.
So it's a bit of a stretch to expect them to boogie on down with a disco routine... There's lots of big hair and big lifts but there's not a lot of connection between them. Hardly surprising when you realise that Dominic has never danced with a partner before.


Dan thinks it's OK, but Nigel and Mary think they did great, all things considering...

Being pushed even further out of their comfort zone are Ashlee and Ricky, both contemporary dancers. Ashlee has been dancing since she was 2 years old and is very passionate about dance apparently. As you have to be if it's all you've ever done... Ricky is also passionate in his own special way. I'll let him explain his philosophy of dance in his own words:
"I take a mathematical and scientific approach to dance... in the way that you would a parabola to a graph ... so the body is perfectly proportioned from every angle..."
I'll explain my philosophy of Ricky in my own words: "Wanker"
They're dancing the Argentine Tango, supposed one of the sexiest dances around. But with Ashlee in heels that make her tower above Ricky, and with an outfit that make her legs just go on and on, they look freakily mismatched. And when they dance they are completely unconnected, with no chemistry at all. You could see that it's supposed to be sexy, but it kinda passed in a blur of random kicking.
Funnily enough the judges agreed with me! Dan reckoned that it was so blah it looked like a mother-and-son dance routine. Hee.

Thankfully we have another Wade Robson routine to take our minds off the dodgy tango. Sara, a B-girl (who performed with the fantastically-named Denver Nuggets Mob Squad) but one with jazz, ballet, modern and tap experience, is teamed up with Jesús, a lyrical dancer who was inspired to dance after watching a Janet Jackson video.


They're doing a little jazz pop thang Wade likes to call Vagabond Cabaret. It's got touches of the zombie dance from last year, the basic premise being 1930s hobos waking up at 3am to bust a few weird-arse moves. With your requisite maniacal grinning and carrying on. But it works and is awesomely fantastic. Mary agrees - she says it's twisted, demented and spectacular! (Cue scream)

Talk abut sublime to the ridiculous! We're going from zombie fetishes to the smooth waltz, with Jessi and Pasha trying not to fall asleep to Norah Jones' Come Away with Me... and... step two three, turn two three, snooze two three.
It's not so bad I guess. Jessi's a hip hop dancer who spends her entire day in front of a computer screen 'event-managing' and wants to just get away from it all... Pasha has been ballroom dancing since he was 8 and thinks it's just magic! Two people, getting together, showing all this emotion. Awww... he's cute! (But Hok's cuter!) Heh. I think their differing attitudes are summed up in this little exchange as they leave the rehearsals - her "we're gonna go home and pray!" him - "No, we're going to go home and practise"...
I guess the practise wins out, because they float around the floor, looking oh so elegant and waltzy and no-one can fault them on anything. Although maybe Norah Jones worked her magic on the judges and they had a little nanna nap...

Faina, Stanislav's little sister, a ballroom dancer from waaay back is partnered with Cedric, an improv/hip hop dancer. He's so individual in what he does, this awe-inspiring Mr Incredible type twisting and turning, but Nigel had been reticent putting him through as he didn't believe he would support a partner. That puts a lot of pressure on Faina then doesn't it? Hmmm... Also putting a lot of pressure on Faina is the bloody awful outfit they've got her in - tiny short shorts, a cropped hoodie and ... long football socks? No wonder she looks uncomfortable!
Cedric does his wiggly wiggdy wow stuff all around and she kinda pretends she knows what she's doing. And that she's having fun. I ain't falling for it though. And neither are the judges... But I swear someone's put some happy pills in Nigel's Turquoise Bucket of Mystery because he's been uncharacteristically upbeat and positive about everyone all night.

He's positively gushing over our next couple - Lauren and Neil - both professional contemp dancers and their salsa. Sorry their back story is boring and is basically the same blah balh been dancing all my life blah blah dancing is my passion blah balhdy blah. And Neil is a twin with something hidden up his sleeves... Or the twin has something hidden. either/or.
Their salsa seems fine to me, y'know, world-renowned salsa expert that I am. I'm more mesmerised by the sparkly spangly green dress. I want one. Anya was wearing one for her dance and I've decided that bedazzled green dresses are so hott right now.
It seems their salsa was fine, but just lacked chemistry and hottness. Neil needs to be 'down and dirrrty' rather than dancing like a cheerleader, and yes, thank you Nigel, that wasn't an image of you I was really prepared for... a little warning next time please, so I can utilise 'walking out of the room' option.

And wow! Are we there? finally? The last couple, Jimmy and Shauna, get to do a groovy Broadway routine to a song from The Wiz. Hee. That rocks. That's so retro. I love Broadway, it's so cheesy and you just know those serious dancers hate it.
They get to do some awesomely cool 'we're off to see the wizard' skipping and I'm just the teensiest bit jealous. My idea of heaven is now skipping in a green salsa dress. You know, I think this endless recap is doing my head in.
So yeah, they're great, the judges agree, and then Cat's there telling Australia not to go away and that they'll be back right after the break and I'm left pondering whether that's the most unattractive top-of-a-dress I've ever seen...

Results show:

For some reason Cat has decided she's coming at us straight outta the bordello in a froth of ill-fitting pink satin and lace. And towering black stilettos in which she stalks around like a giraffe in a whorehouse.

And poor Mary is having a shocking evening, squeezed into a blouse a size too small, and two decades old. Please tell me cutesy bow-toed collars aren't coming back. Please...

Straight to business - first in the bottom three are Dominic and Sabra. Their disco routine obviously didn't appeal. Either that, or no-one was impressed by Dominic's harry high pants. I know I sure as hell wasn't...

They're joined by Ashlee and Ricky and their sizzleless Argentine Tango. They also look like they were expecting it...

As do Faina and Cedric when they complete the little group who are going to have to, yep you guessed it, dance for their lives (mwuhahaha)

And because this is a show which consists of basically 6 20 second dance routine, there's bucketlaods of filler, the first big chunk of which is last years champion Benji Schwimmer... he has a little chat to Cat, all about Christina Aguilera pinching his butt and I've got to ask... is it possible that he's even camper than he was last year? Because I didn't think it was, but I appear to be wrong.
He does an interesting dance routine to 'Americana' but unfortunately this just brings cravings for pizza shapes so all that's stuck in my head is his boxers.... and trust me, this is not pleasant.

And so to the dancers...

Sabra - she does contemp routine with lots of jumping and exquisite leg extensions. She's so tiny that she doesn't even come up to Cat's shoulder when she's standing in front of the judges. She seriously looks 12 years old, a little girl lost.

Dominic - he does some classic breaking - you know, the stuff that they used to do on the street in front of a massive boombox. It's kinda cool. He loses his shirt. That's kinda cool too.

Ashlee - looks like she's suffering dreadful cramps. All hunched over and with legs spasming at odd angles. But that's the curse of the contemp viewer because apparently she felt really good.. dancers... they're a different breed aren't they?

Ricky - very athletic. Very scientific. As Cat says - "you look very pleased with yourself" You never said a truer word my sweet.

Faina - awesome and sensual and man, this is what it's all about! I wish I could dance like that *wistful sigh*

Cedric - he seriously looks like he's made of elastic. He's just so amazingly bendy and smooth and fluid and double-jointed. He also looked like a 6 year old, about to burst into tears. Aww, bless.

Second massive bit of filler - some guy called Lloyd. Sorry. But I never signed on to recap crappy r'n'b. No sirreee.

And to the judgement - the guillotine about to fall on two dainty little necks...

Sabra did her best dancing so far and is safe. As is Faina.
Ashlee is going home because her solo only showed emotion and not her technical vocabulary. And my goodness, I do love me some wanky dancy talk. Yeah Ashlee, that's what I was saying a couple of para's up - you're all emotion. And, um, stomach cramps.

Ricky apparently has the potential to be one of the best dancers in the show but didn't show his full vocab. Cedric is unique, and thankfully didn't let his partner down so he gets to stay. Poor Dominic is utterly petrified. He's positive he's going home, but he gets a lifeline for having a personality. Hee! The rest of them must be boring drones, mind you seeing as most of them were dedicated to the God of Dance at birth, it's probably true.
Which means adieu Ricky! Mainly for taking Nigel for granted and acting like he belongs in the competition without having to try. Ha. I think he needs to find the mathematical formula out there which shows you don't get to succeed if you're an arrogant Rick.

Next week - our Top 18. Please let there be more Wade and more Hok and maybe a teensie bit more Shane and then I'll be a very happy recapper.